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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH finally said he will think about us getting a cat after 15 years of me wanting one

129 replies

SpottyDottyMoon · 17/03/2025 19:40

DH has always, I’ve felt, dangled the possibility of us getting a cat like a carrot and stick. I adore cats and have wanted one for many years, wanted our children to grow up with pets.

He’s always said things like “when I can prove I could look after it” and that he would probably end up looking after it and I wouldn’t bother with it, like I would completely ignore it or not feed it.

He’s also said stuff like “when I prove I can keep a tidy and organised house he might think about it”

He doesn’t like cats or animals in general which is fine but now all of a sudden he’s decided he’s ready to “think about” getting a cat after 15 years of my asking, trying to talk him around, our children begging for one and now I’ve given up on the idea! I basically would rather get one on my own terms and not have someone dangling the possibility just slightly out of reach for years.

Every needs to be on board too surely? He’s now put out that I won’t discuss this anymore and says I probably never wanted one in the first place!

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 17/03/2025 19:54

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 17/03/2025 19:52

I would get rid of your husband and get two cats.

My thoughts too!

Hapagirl48 · 17/03/2025 19:55

How controlling and patronising! I wanted a cat, I went to the shelter and got one. DH wasn't sure, he was worried it would wander and get hit by a car or something. But he's a nice guy and wants to see me happy and now he loves her too.

EmpressaurusKitty · 17/03/2025 19:56

I don’t think anyone should get a cat unless the whole family is on board.

But your husband is a patronising twat.

ncforschoolhelp · 17/03/2025 19:56

Yeah your husband is a prick.

2025willbemytime · 17/03/2025 19:56

Don't get a cat. Get a divorce. And therapy. What's happened to you that you thinks it's okay for him to control you like this.

What the fuck is wrong with some men these days?

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 17/03/2025 19:57

What a condescending prick!!
When you can keep a tidy organised house...does he live in the 1950s.

Maitri108 · 17/03/2025 19:59

What a weirdo. Does he think he's your dad?

AcquadiP · 17/03/2025 20:01

When you can prove you can keep a tidy and organised house? Bloody hell, if he'd said that to me he and his belongings would be on the pavement.
Kick him out and get yourself a cat or two.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 17/03/2025 20:02

Why does he have higher standards for cat owning than children owning?

Samora · 17/03/2025 20:02

Make sure he's not cheating on you before you commit in getting a pet together

Gingerwarthog · 17/03/2025 20:03

swap DH for a ragdoll

EmpressaurusKitty · 17/03/2025 20:04

2025willbemytime · 17/03/2025 19:56

Don't get a cat. Get a divorce. And therapy. What's happened to you that you thinks it's okay for him to control you like this.

What the fuck is wrong with some men these days?

Get the divorce. And once you feel ready, get the cat.

sorechalfonts · 17/03/2025 20:06

TitusMoan · 17/03/2025 19:53

Husbands like this need to suddenly drop dead. This is so upsetting. OP, you do not deserve this.

If only it was that easy …stuff of fantasies

Runningoutofthyme · 17/03/2025 20:09

i would have ltb 15years ago and lived happily every after with my houseful of cats 🐱😂

Crunchymum · 17/03/2025 20:10

Given you've put up with this shit for 15 years and had children with this man I'm going to hazard a guess that you are financially dependent on him?

I'm also going to assume he low level (or high level) bullies your DC and he controls all aspects of home life. Do you have any kind of support network - friends, family? Do you work?

I hope I'm wrong and you are the breadwinner and can afford to kick this monster out!! Then get cats.

Nowvoyager99 · 17/03/2025 20:11

Does he think he’s your boss? Or King Of All He Surveys?

What a knob.

How do you stand him?

DoComeToMeKitty · 17/03/2025 20:12

Just get a cat. Why do you need his permission? Your husband is an arse.

rainbowsparkle28 · 17/03/2025 20:12

I would suggest there is a bigger issue here than just the cat 😳 Namely your POS husband…

WiddlinDiddlin · 17/03/2025 20:13

I have to join the hollering crowd here...

Get rid of husband (in any one of the various possible ways, I am favouring under someone elses patio, far far away, I'll give you an alibi!)...

Replace with multiple excellent cats!

He sounds vile, emotionally abusive, manipulative, controlling and just generally unpleasant. You deserve better than this OP!

ilovesooty · 17/03/2025 20:14

Everyone needs to be on board with pets, but why in heaven's name do you allow him to talk to you like that?

SpottyDottyMoon · 17/03/2025 20:14

Confession…I fantasise about my own little house with two (or more!) cats and the kids..

Yes, I like the idea of replacing him with a cat ha ha.

Jokes aside, thank you all for your comments. It’s definitely given me lots to think about. It was never a case of him flat out saying no, he really doesn’t want one. It felt like a means to control me. It always pissed me off especially him making out I wouldn’t look after it especially as I do the majority of the childcare, it’s not like I can’t look after a living thing. It’s definitely felt like he’s treated me like a silly child and one that would have to prove that they could look after a living thing.

I do feel sad for our kids especially our teen as he’s always felt like he’s lost out not growing up with pets.

Our marriage isn’t good, I’ve pulled away and I wonder if he’s using this as a way of making me stay.

OP posts:
ChinaChina · 17/03/2025 20:15

Start saying the same thing back to him when he wants a new car or golf club. He’s not the cat boss.
Honestly I would swap him for a cat.

Chicheguevara · 17/03/2025 20:15

My ex said ‘if you get another dog, I’m off’ and something about he didn’t want to be the one stuck walking it.
He’d never walked a dog in his life until he met me. I got another dog and dumped his butt before he met the dog.
As for ‘proving’ yourself, that beggars belief. My dad used to say that about ‘when you can prove…..’ and he was a controlling and nasty bit of work.

Get a cat OP, get two or three and dump the chump, live your life full of snuggles and purring.

ilovesooty · 17/03/2025 20:17

I've pulled away

I'd be telling him I don't want to be married to someone who can't communicate with me in a decent way. Just who does he think he is?

SpottyDottyMoon · 17/03/2025 20:17

ilovesooty · 17/03/2025 20:14

Everyone needs to be on board with pets, but why in heaven's name do you allow him to talk to you like that?

Yes I’ve always believed that the whole house needs to be on board with a new pet. He’s so put out now that I’m not jumping up and down with glee at the slightest possibility he might be willing to “think about” getting a cat 🙄

OP posts:
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