DH finally said he will think about us getting a cat after 15 years of me wanting one

[SpottyDottyMoon]

DH has always, I’ve felt, dangled the possibility of us getting a cat like a carrot and stick. I adore cats and have wanted one for many years, wanted our children to grow up with pets.

He’s always said things like “when I can prove I could look after it” and that he would probably end up looking after it and I wouldn’t bother with it, like I would completely ignore it or not feed it.

He’s also said stuff like “when I prove I can keep a tidy and organised house he might think about it”

He doesn’t like cats or animals in general which is fine but now all of a sudden he’s decided he’s ready to “think about” getting a cat after 15 years of my asking, trying to talk him around, our children begging for one and now I’ve given up on the idea! I basically would rather get one on my own terms and not have someone dangling the possibility just slightly out of reach for years.

Every needs to be on board too surely? He’s now put out that I won’t discuss this anymore and says I probably never wanted one in the first place!

This is bringing back memories of my ex.

Are you going to leave? Because I think it would be a very good idea.

Never too late to learn to drive, unless it’s a health issue of course.

Kick him out and get a cat. I’m saying this with a straight face.

Don’t get a cat, get a divorce.

Why have you put up with this awful man?! It sounds like all he does is criticise you (and drive apparently). Do you not think you deserve better? Is the how you want your children to think relationships are?! You’re setting them up for miserable lives as adults.

Get a divorce, then get a taxi and get many cats.

Are you his wife or child? He's a twat...get a cat

Is he your father? He is treating you like a child.

“when I can prove I could look after it”

just asking, but did he end up doing 100% of the childcare because you couldn't manage it?
Just as well he's not suddenly decided that the family needs a dog - there'd probably be something nefarious that he was needing to get out of the house for.

So you’re being too sensitive because you want to be referred to as an adult woman, not a child, or a horse, or a dog?

Get your cat, @SpottyDottyMoon. Life is too short and shitty to deny yourself small pleasures because some supercilious prick has decided to crown himself king.

I’m of the opinion that a family pet should be a decision made and agreed on by the adults in the house.
However I’d have left him years ago for treating me like a naughty irresponsible 5 year old. Patronising prick.

Couldn’t agree more.

cats love unconditionally unlike your twat of a husband.

Yes - just because you've chosen to put up with the controlling twatface, no need to subject a cat to it.

It benefits him for you to think you’re useless and reliant on him, because then he’s get a compliant maid/mother to meet his demands who is unlikely to feel independent or strong enough to challenge or leave him. Do you feel like you’re in an abusive relationship? What do you actually get from the relationship?

he sounds bloody awful and treating you like a child

iI would rehome him and get 10 cats

I was considering several options along a similar vein, but yours tops them all.

@SpottyDottyMoon - one of the reasons I married my DH was because he agreed to have a cat, even though he 'didn't like cats'.

Of course, though he never admitted it until near the end of her life, he did love that cat. And the six or so others that followed in due course.

As I learnt to love the dogs he wanted, even though I 'did not like dogs'...

It's what people do when they love each other and have each others' best interests at heart.

Urgh. Why are you putting up with this shit?

What a prick.
Put the cat issue aside and start looking at leaving this nasty controlling arsehole.

Fuck me, leave this fucker.

Then get a selection of pets!

Christ, he sounds like your father rather than DH.
I'd just bring one home, you can still leave him and maybe it will be the catalyst for you to find the strength to do it.

I’d say “I’ll consider letting you have a cat when you can prove you are responsible enough “

if he moans mention how sensitive he’s been lately.

For goodness sake, what is the matter with the man? Fair enough if he really doesn't want a cat in the house, everyone has to be OK with getting a pet. But what's with the game playing, and treating you like a child who needs to prove she can be responsible.

This isn’t about a cat and I’m sorry you’ve been without one for so long

there was a thread recently about a housebound, practically bedbound DH who didnt want another cat but this is completely different 'when you can prove yourself' WTF

please free yourself from his controlling behaviour

When you prove you can look after a pet is what you say to your 8 year old who wants a hamster.

Wow he sounds like my ex to a tee - he often said he 'did everything' too.

Five years free of him, the kids and I are happy, the house is calm (mostly, I have four boys 😅) and we just got our fourth cat.

Go on strike

He infantilises you yet I presume he wants sex from you? Does that nor repel him? If his wife is childlike?