To think if you’ve been beautiful all your life

[Itssundayiminlove]

It must be very difficult to age?

I was lovely looking when younger, ok older, but never beautiful or even pretty, but nice when younger. I have a friend who I haven’t seen for a few years, she was always absolutely stunning. I’ve just seen a picture of her and there’s a big difference in how she looks now (we’re mid-late 40’s now)

It got me thinking how that must be even harder than for the average person ageing?

I use to work with someone I'm guessing in her 60s and she would always bring in photos of herself when younger and make everyone look at them. Yes she was pretty but it was a bit sad and embarrassing that it meant so much to her that everyone knows how she use to look. Obviously nobody really cared and she came across a bit desperate

I don't think it would be harder for every beautiful person but will be for those whose beauty was part of their identity and something they viewed as very important.

To be honest, I can think of a lot of really beautiful women in their 40s, 50s and 60s. I think being young and beautiful is only one type of beauty!

As someone who never thought i considered myself pretty when i was younger, i have found that ageing has made me realise i took my looks for granted. So i get OPs point - hitting my 40s has made me confront a few facts about how my appearance has informed my sense of identity and "self worth", which is very uncomfortable to reckon with

Hmm my mum was truly beautiful and aged naturally, became overweight, greyed and never dyed it and does not care one bit. I find that inspirational. Enjoy it while you have it but there is more to life than caring what you look like!

Oh for sure and she’s still definitely attractive, but not the same, she was exceptionally good looking

I'm pretty average looking, (quite pretty in my younger years when I look back at photos, but I never saw that myself at the time!). I have always had complements on my personality, sense of humour etc. I remember one conversation with a good looking friend we had in our late 30s/early 40s and she told me nobody had ever told her she was funny or kind or clever. She said she only ever got complements on her looks and was well aware that those were fading and said "once my looks go, what have I got left?" Thing is, she was funny and kind and clever, but she was so invested in her looks that I guess that is all anyone else saw too.

I was fairly stunning and a fitness instructor through my twenties and thirties so seriously fit then I had an accident, changed job, got married and menopause hit like a truck. It really knocked me but my husband was fantastic, don't get me wrong he can be a knob but he doesn't really care if i have a sixpack or put on 2 stone, or haven't shaved my legs for a month he still can't get enough of me. It was a real lesson in how many years I wasted focusing on my looks. I'm in my sixties now a bit overweight with a mane of silver hair and really happy with how I look but it was a hard few years late forties and early fifties. When I look back at photos I can see I really didn't lose anything my looks just changed.

It is hard, yes. I've been considered very beautiful since I was 16. There's no denying that I was very good looking in my twenties especially. The kind of looks that make people fall off their bikes.

Sometimes I catch myself in the mirror these days and I'm actually shocked. I still look good for my age and I'm still regularly pursued and complimented. But I know I used to look drop dead. I do miss it.

It's like that line in Fleabag where she says she's worried about losing the currency of youth. I'm still good looking, but I'm obviously not young and beautiful. I used to have so much currency.

I appreciate this all sounds conceited but it is accurate.

I remember i used to work with an ex model. Poor girl. She was like a magnet to every sex pest in London. I imagine she might be happy to leave all that behind.

Depends what your class as beauty, someone with great bone structure & good features will still be beautiful when older. Youth hides a lot!

I was alright looking when younger

not going to lie I LOVE the invisibility aging has brought. Not getting harassed everywhere I go by awful men. Love it. Had enough years being judged on how I look that for it to be irrelevant now because I look like the menopausal old bag I am is great.

My mum was gorgeous when younger (stop and stare gorgeous) and still is at 69...but she is obsessed with aging and talks really poorly about herself.

Growing up she was always extremely critical of weight (herself and others) now it is weight and wrinkles etc

Despite her giving me issues around food, I actually just feel incredibly sorry for her. She is so deeply insecure and terrified of her looks fading every year that she fails to see she is still equally beautiful just in a different way.

Maybe she doesn't see the difference in herself.

We obviously age, in my imagination I don't look any different from 10 even 20 years ago, until I catch my face in the mirror or see a photo.

Not saying I was beautiful, but i was very attractive in my 20's, aging doesn't bother me anymore than the next woman. I'd like younger toned skin, but I don't have a time machine so I must go on.

I aiming to gain a stone, fill out.

I appreciate and I'm grateful that I'm mid 40s and haven't had any serious illness to date, my body moves without pain for now.

No, not really. I think being beautiful means that you can regard it with a kind of apathy that you can with anything that you have in abundance such that its loss is painless.

It's not like, say, striving to be beautiful for many years and then watching what you did achieve fade anyway - which I think must be much harder.

What are the women on MN doing that's causing them to just derail post-30?

The 40+ women I know are beautiful and fir the most part, having wonderful and varied lives.

This is the only place I hear of women waking up at 30 and 40 having lost all their looks / become invisible to world etc.

I had a baby at 30 and have looked terrible ever since, despite growing up looking reasonably nice!

I love reading these threads and how people just love telling everyone how good looking they were 😆 falling off bikes looks 🤣🤣🤣

I was very beautiful. It was not something I was fully aware of until I matured (into my 20s and 30s). It had plus sides and minus sides.

On the plus side, it definitely helped me get jobs when I had no qualifications.

On the downside, hideous issues with unwanted male attention, unwanted touching and frequent assaults, sexual harassment at multiple workplaces, stalking, having to take massive precautions for my safety, jealous boyfriends, then jealous husband leading to DV, street hassle, cat calling and whistling, being propositioned by kerb crawlers even when just trying to go to the local shop for a pint of milk. I could go own but just thinking about it now I could burst into tears.

It went on for years.

When my beauty began to fade I didn't fight it for one minute.

I am in my 60s now. A bit fat, never dye my greying hair, stopped wearing make-up years ago, wear odd clothes and spend much of my time standing up for women's rights and fighting the patriarchy.

I was lovely looking when 20 years younger and two stone lighter. Completely failed to appreciate it at the time and thought I was hideous, of course. Because I was tall with red hair I also stood out a lot and used to get accosted all the time. It never happens anymore and while sad in a way, the relief of not dealing with that kind of unwarranted attention is huge. Hope this doesn't make me sound like Samantha Brick; I'm not / never was any kind of supermodel but definitely used to draw attention and never realised how constant it was until it stopped.

It's funny, I am never actually sure if it's the loss of looks that does cause the change in attention. For me the attention dropped away around age 35, which was also when I developed much more confidence. I wonder if it also has to do with the the vibe you give off. I was pretty vulnerable in many ways in my 20s and early 30s; now I have no issues standing up for myself and like to think it would put potential haranguers off.

Genuine question, if you have the time.

Other than the usual body changes, what's gone so drastically wrong? Or is it a personal dislike of the difference between then and now?

I was beautiful and am now middle aged and not 'put together' - no hair dye, no botox, clothes comfortable rather than stylish - so I think most people wouldn't describe me as beautiful now. (I like the way I look and am fascinated by the changes in my face and body) I didn't care then and I don't care now.

I was attractive when I was younger. Feels weird typing it as I have never and probably will never say it out loud to anyone. I was naturally slim, had a pretty face and nice hair. I'm now early 40s so not that old but have put on a couple of stone, am starting to grey (even finding them on my chin and eyebrows) and my hair has thinned a lot as a result of 3 babies in my mid-late 30s and doesn't seem to be retuning. My kids were (still are) terrible sleepers so several years of poor sleep have taken their toll on my face too. Dark circles under my eyes and lines starting to form.

I probably still look ok to most people but I am struggling with not being in the same league I used to be a bit. I feel so silly writing that and I am very fulfilled in other aspects of my life so feel slightly ashamed that I'm not able to embrace growing older more.

Only if you equate youth with beauty