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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sex noise from neighbours

211 replies

Discone · 16/03/2025 19:37

I live in an old terrace. I hear bits of noise from both sides normal life stuff, not an issue. Other neighbors play instruments and I can hear but it's no problem. Both sides have kids at least some of the time too.

This afternoon I could hear my neighbour (non music ones) having really loud sex. It's a fella who lives there I've had a few conversations with him he's in his 40s and lives alone. He's nice enough and no bother as a neighbour. It was the woman I could hear moaning. Tbh it sounded really fake and porny but whatever, they might like that. But that did make it more obvious and a bit cringe.

I put a note through the door saying we could hear and perhaps put on some music. It was polite in tone. I thought this was better than saying it face to face! But now I'm wondering if I shouldn't have done it. There's nothing I can do now it's done! But people are entitled to have sex in their house. I'm super sex positive but I do think it's a private thing and not something kids should hear for example. We have family over a lot and I'd be really embarrassed if this happened when they were over. I do massively over think so, a genuine wabu.

OP posts:
Bepo77 · 17/03/2025 19:22

Redpeach · 17/03/2025 14:14

Err, why are there so few complaints about noisy men

Oo gosh let me find my spreadsheet of sex complaints by neighbours. Or send me the link of whatever data you’re using?

Justgoodforthegetting · 17/03/2025 20:39

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 20:43

You can have really good enjoyable sex without screaming like a banshee and letting the neighbourhood know you're getting fucked you know! 😂

😬 fair point.
I’ll keep it down from now on…

Woodywoodpecker321 · 17/03/2025 22:05

We had this years ago in an apartment building. Our neighbour was having really loud over the top screaming fake sex every other day. It was a lot! Eventually I left a light hearted note asking them to be more aware of their volume...she wrote back and was really horrible. We moved eventually haha

MissDoubleU · 18/03/2025 00:35

Could you have put music on, op?

TwinklyBrickPoet · 18/03/2025 05:00

What else can you do stare someone in the eye after they just had sex coz that wouldn't awkward!

I think its a reasonable
Reaction.

Btb · 18/03/2025 08:57

Discone · 16/03/2025 19:37

I live in an old terrace. I hear bits of noise from both sides normal life stuff, not an issue. Other neighbors play instruments and I can hear but it's no problem. Both sides have kids at least some of the time too.

This afternoon I could hear my neighbour (non music ones) having really loud sex. It's a fella who lives there I've had a few conversations with him he's in his 40s and lives alone. He's nice enough and no bother as a neighbour. It was the woman I could hear moaning. Tbh it sounded really fake and porny but whatever, they might like that. But that did make it more obvious and a bit cringe.

I put a note through the door saying we could hear and perhaps put on some music. It was polite in tone. I thought this was better than saying it face to face! But now I'm wondering if I shouldn't have done it. There's nothing I can do now it's done! But people are entitled to have sex in their house. I'm super sex positive but I do think it's a private thing and not something kids should hear for example. We have family over a lot and I'd be really embarrassed if this happened when they were over. I do massively over think so, a genuine wabu.

im sorry but if your neighbour had loud sex it’s nothing to do with you , id have been furious if you’d have put a note through my letterbox it’s nothing to do with you, you sound like a neighbour from hell

Letskeepcalm · 18/03/2025 09:56

LillyPJ · 16/03/2025 19:58

Why are you proud of being an inconsiderate and vindictive neighbour?

Agree Lily PJ 👍

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 18/03/2025 16:40

Discone · 16/03/2025 20:22

Sex positive it a well known descriptor and movement I'm quite surprised you haven't heard of it. Give it a Google to gain more understanding if you're interested. But v briefly I take it as meaning you see value in sex and in particular for me I wouldn't want to shame anyone for their preferences. As I said if the vocal thing is for them cool just cover it up with music.

I don't think I actually said I was embarrassed. I didn't mean to say that if I did because I wasn't embarrassed so ifthatqas the reading sorry that was unclear. I think I said it would be embarrassing for family to hear and described it as cringe. To me saying something is cringe is not quite embarrassing like more uncomfortable. But I appreciate people have different understanding of words.

Fwiw I don't think you did anything wrong

cannaecookrisotto · 18/03/2025 17:02

I wouldn’t have posted the note but find it amusing that you did. Nobody is hurt, he might feel a twinge of cringe whilst reading it but such is life. He might get her to bite a pillow next time 😂.

I don’t get the hate you’re getting on the thread, I think some folk have too much time on their hands or just enjoy getting outraged for no reason, it’s crackers on here sometimes!!

cannaecookrisotto · 18/03/2025 17:03

The people who would be “furious” to receive the note… genuinely curious, would you honestly? Not just die inside for 10 minutes, laugh it off then crack on with your day?

Isabellivi · 18/03/2025 17:19

I think this is very funny and he will likely be amused. You are NOT being unreasonable. You let him know so next time he has her over they can be more more aware and keep their sex life private. Actually you did him a favor. He may not have known otherwise

PoppyBaxter · 18/03/2025 17:21

Redpeach · 17/03/2025 14:14

Err, why are there so few complaints about noisy men

Because, crudely, men aren't having their insides pummeled 🤷🏼‍♀️

Olddad72 · 22/03/2025 10:11

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 17/03/2025 14:40

Well anyone would think everybody else has sex in complete silence.

I think our neighbours do, I think I've heard them twice in three years.Their very posh predecessor grunted ,groaned and swore ( with perfect diction ) so loudly sometimes I thought we were involved in a foursome 😁

Livpool · 22/03/2025 12:52

YABU

So odd to put a note through for a first ‘offence’

LlynTegid · 22/03/2025 13:01

I think the approach for a first time is to applaud at the end, or to make fake noises at certain times.

My first thought upon reading the OPs initial post was that the man was paying for sex, hope I am wrong, and even more so, that the woman is not trafficked or otherwise coerced.

Redpeach · 22/03/2025 13:06

Bepo77 · 17/03/2025 19:22

Oo gosh let me find my spreadsheet of sex complaints by neighbours. Or send me the link of whatever data you’re using?

Who said anything about data?

Bittenonce · 22/03/2025 18:15

I had a neighbour complain. Made me try harder, more often

Lovelycupofcoffee · 22/03/2025 19:22

I used to hear my neighbours , I think it was one of the daughters . As soon as the mum
went to work she would sneak her bloke in and start banging like a barn door in a gale 😂😂 pretty grim hearing it all the time.

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 09:56

He lives alone so he does not get a lot of sex. You might have given him a couple more opportunities before embarrassing him, I think.

Hoplolly · 23/03/2025 10:11

I think YABU to call noisy sex 'porny', that makes it sound like it's something negative. Some people are just noisier, the better the sex the noisier I am! Doesn't mean I am trying to be a pornstar, means I am just enjoying a bloody good time!

Missj25 · 23/03/2025 10:42

Happy Sunday Everyone!
I had the worst Sex EVER on Friday night 🙈, which has zero to do with this post but just said I’d say 😂

LillyPJ · 24/03/2025 06:11

Livpool · 22/03/2025 12:52

YABU

So odd to put a note through for a first ‘offence’

Or... letting them know straightaway is the best time to do it. If the neighbour would rather not be overheard, they'll be forewarned.

LillyPJ · 24/03/2025 06:13

Bittenonce · 22/03/2025 18:15

I had a neighbour complain. Made me try harder, more often

How considerate of you.

Calliopespa · 24/03/2025 06:35

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 16/03/2025 20:05

Yes you were being unreasonable to do it first occasion. It may have been a new fling that he did the deed with and then won't ever see again. Her noises may have bothered him too, but he would have been a dick to make her feel bad in the moment.

However, PP are giving you a bit of a hard time. You know now, it can't be changed. I would just be friendly and polite and not mention anything to him in person unless he brings it up first.

I agree.

You jumped too soon. It would be different if it ramped up to being a frequent issue, but you’ve slightly violated the same noblesse oblige code that means we all pretend not to hear a rogue fart slip out. Different if someone constantly loads up on cabbage and blasts them out, but for an isolated slip it was a bit OTT.

But it’s done; try to be friendly and normal when you see him.

Bibi12 · 23/04/2025 00:49

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 23:23

How? If you don't watch it? 😂

People explained to you several times already stop acting stupid.

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