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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sex noise from neighbours

211 replies

Discone · 16/03/2025 19:37

I live in an old terrace. I hear bits of noise from both sides normal life stuff, not an issue. Other neighbors play instruments and I can hear but it's no problem. Both sides have kids at least some of the time too.

This afternoon I could hear my neighbour (non music ones) having really loud sex. It's a fella who lives there I've had a few conversations with him he's in his 40s and lives alone. He's nice enough and no bother as a neighbour. It was the woman I could hear moaning. Tbh it sounded really fake and porny but whatever, they might like that. But that did make it more obvious and a bit cringe.

I put a note through the door saying we could hear and perhaps put on some music. It was polite in tone. I thought this was better than saying it face to face! But now I'm wondering if I shouldn't have done it. There's nothing I can do now it's done! But people are entitled to have sex in their house. I'm super sex positive but I do think it's a private thing and not something kids should hear for example. We have family over a lot and I'd be really embarrassed if this happened when they were over. I do massively over think so, a genuine wabu.

OP posts:
CandyCane457 · 16/03/2025 20:21

Discone · 16/03/2025 20:10

Oh also there's no reason he'd know which neighbour it was. I would of course say it was me if asked! But I'm not sure why pp's are acting like he know it's me.

I think people are acting like hell know it’s you, because surely he remembers what room he had this great sex in, and he’ll know it is next to your house and no one else’s.

I agree with everyone else saying this is really cringe doing it after a one off. If it was daily, even weekly, fine, but just once feels a bit ridiculous.

Discone · 16/03/2025 20:22

Dweetfidilove · 16/03/2025 20:14

You're super sex positive (whatever that means), but so embarrassed by sex noises you left a note?

Sex positive it a well known descriptor and movement I'm quite surprised you haven't heard of it. Give it a Google to gain more understanding if you're interested. But v briefly I take it as meaning you see value in sex and in particular for me I wouldn't want to shame anyone for their preferences. As I said if the vocal thing is for them cool just cover it up with music.

I don't think I actually said I was embarrassed. I didn't mean to say that if I did because I wasn't embarrassed so ifthatqas the reading sorry that was unclear. I think I said it would be embarrassing for family to hear and described it as cringe. To me saying something is cringe is not quite embarrassing like more uncomfortable. But I appreciate people have different understanding of words.

OP posts:
BigBoden · 16/03/2025 20:22

Let’s scream.

But in June on a hot night, waking the dogs, your mother and the children?

Biting down on pillows…

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 20:23

😂 Fooky-nell I am embarrassed on your behalf @Discone What on earth were you thinking?! 😆 Putting a note through their letterbox. Oh dear!

I am with you on people and loud sex noises though. It pisses me right off. I know someone who lives next door to a woman who screams and howls like a banshee during sex, and it smacks of 'hey everyone look, I am shagging. I am having SEXXXXXX!' 👯 It's pathetic, and attention seeking. Even the dumbest animals can fuck. And many men will shag anything with a pulse. You're not that special luv! 😆

Yes to the people saying it's performance sex.

HOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLL!!! I am fucking, can everyone hear meeeeeee! 😆

Grammarnut · 16/03/2025 20:23

Discone · 16/03/2025 19:51

Haha I knew this would be one of the comments but you've done it even quicker than I thought! No I'm not, but I don't know how I can prove that?

Ok fair enough iabu. It was so loud and not even just towards the end. Like how women in porn sound. So it just felt quite inconsiderate as you deliberately make that noise. So I wanted to nip it in the bud. Because if I had family here, which I often would on a Sunday it would be embarrassing. Just to explain my thinking.

He's fine as a neighbour, I wouldn't say he was quiet, but I feel there's def a diff between deliberate notice and just life noise. But sex is part of life so, perhaps even if deliberatly loud it's ok.

But it's done now so I'm not gonna make it worse by saying oh yeah sorry I was a dick. I think that wouldn't help 😂

How do you know how women in porn sound? Just curious.

Discone · 16/03/2025 20:24

CandyCane457 · 16/03/2025 20:21

I think people are acting like hell know it’s you, because surely he remembers what room he had this great sex in, and he’ll know it is next to your house and no one else’s.

I agree with everyone else saying this is really cringe doing it after a one off. If it was daily, even weekly, fine, but just once feels a bit ridiculous.

I could hear it in my whole house so I'm really not sure it's a case of being in the room adjoining my house. If you can hear it in the whole house, I reckon all sides can hear it!

OP posts:
OriginalSkang · 16/03/2025 20:24

I think your note sounds really arsey, sorry! If you were trying to be friendly, you definitely missed the mark

tillyandmilly · 16/03/2025 20:25

God I would hate that! Middle of the day - yes I would have done the same ! Maybe look into soundproofing the partition walls!

dizzydizzydizzy · 16/03/2025 20:25

I used to have a neighbour that had noisy sex every Saturday morning. I lived in a flat. My friend and I found it hilarious and she went on the balcony and applauded.

SexAndCakes · 16/03/2025 20:25

CandyCane457 · 16/03/2025 20:21

I think people are acting like hell know it’s you, because surely he remembers what room he had this great sex in, and he’ll know it is next to your house and no one else’s.

I agree with everyone else saying this is really cringe doing it after a one off. If it was daily, even weekly, fine, but just once feels a bit ridiculous.

We don't know it was great. Sounds a bit contrived to me. OP will have to keep us posted on how things evolve!

onetwothreefourfive11 · 16/03/2025 20:26

No you shouldn’t have put a note. You don’t do that!!!

sex is a natural thing

Grammarnut · 16/03/2025 20:29

Discone · 16/03/2025 20:15

Sorry what could you explain your post please? Where did I say I was watching porn? Or do you mean in order to know what porn sound like I must watch it? I feel like I can't reply as I'm not sure what you mean..

I didn't think it was kind to say it sounded like porn as I said they may like the ott vocals. So while I think it's a bit much, I don't want to judge styles d preferences and by mentioning it it's a judgement. The noise if that's your thing, just put music on!

Only someone who watches porn would be likely to know that? Not sure it's true but you did open yourself to that suggestion - esp being sex positive.

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 20:30

Discone · 16/03/2025 20:15

Sorry what could you explain your post please? Where did I say I was watching porn? Or do you mean in order to know what porn sound like I must watch it? I feel like I can't reply as I'm not sure what you mean..

I didn't think it was kind to say it sounded like porn as I said they may like the ott vocals. So while I think it's a bit much, I don't want to judge styles d preferences and by mentioning it it's a judgement. The noise if that's your thing, just put music on!

Sorry I assumed that you thought it sounded like a porn star meant you watched porn to know. Didn’t mean you had the pleasure of sex on a Sunday afternoon, with porn, if that’s your thing. But….

Tbh it sounded really fake and porny but whatever, they might like that. But that did make it more obvious and a bit cringe.

Like how women in porn sound. So it just felt quite inconsiderate

Also on the porn thing, I could hear banging too. I did think this initially.

Quite a knowledge of porn, you’re judging his sex life, should you allow him to judge yours?

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 20:30

onetwothreefourfive11 · 16/03/2025 20:26

No you shouldn’t have put a note. You don’t do that!!!

sex is a natural thing

So is having a poo, but no-one needs to hear anyone doing that hey?!

BigBoden · 16/03/2025 20:31

Arsey…? Not into that but London based, if you scream, in June with everyone’s windows open you’re auditioning for OnlyFans

CaptainBeanThief · 16/03/2025 20:31

I kinda get you being abit cringed and embarrassed but to write a note and post it through his letter box is mental.
It was Sunday afternoon not 3am in the morning.
"Sex positive" my arse 🤣

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 20:31

@Discone You watch porn, so what? Nothing to be embarrassed about!

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 20:33

CaptainBeanThief · 16/03/2025 20:31

I kinda get you being abit cringed and embarrassed but to write a note and post it through his letter box is mental.
It was Sunday afternoon not 3am in the morning.
"Sex positive" my arse 🤣

Yea, that sounds made up ('sex positive!') It's possibly real but I have never heard anyone say it. And the OP doesn't sound it!

OneGentleFinch · 16/03/2025 20:33

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, you don’t want to hear it, and highly likely they don’t want to be heard! A polite note is fine

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 20:33

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 20:31

@Discone You watch porn, so what? Nothing to be embarrassed about!

Neither is sex on a Sunday afternoon…

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 20:34

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 20:33

Neither is sex on a Sunday afternoon…

True, but why make so much NOISE whilst shagging?!! Really attention seeking and weird!

YourAmberPoet · 16/03/2025 20:35

family, the one audience you can’t afford to scandalize. A little background noise is one thing, but when your Sunday roast is accompanied by a live-action performance of Basic Instinct, you’ve got a problem.
Now, your note was a courteous opening move low risk, potentially high reward. But let’s assume your neighbor is either too shameless or too oblivious to take the hint. That means you need a more strategic approach Ensuring that when your family is over, your home remains a sanctuary of polite conversation and not an impromptu screening of 50 Shades of Next Door.

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 20:35

Discone · 16/03/2025 20:15

Sorry what could you explain your post please? Where did I say I was watching porn? Or do you mean in order to know what porn sound like I must watch it? I feel like I can't reply as I'm not sure what you mean..

I didn't think it was kind to say it sounded like porn as I said they may like the ott vocals. So while I think it's a bit much, I don't want to judge styles d preferences and by mentioning it it's a judgement. The noise if that's your thing, just put music on!

Can you not play music in your home?

Discone · 16/03/2025 20:35

@Grammarnut are you actually genuinely curious?

I'm in my 30s I unfortunately grew up with porn being widely available and times, especially when younger eg in school or uni had it played when people are joking around.

Porn sounds are also in TV and film when a character is watching porn.

I've also several times seen men watching porn in public, like Starbucks or the train. I did see all of this in London...

I would also say that I think it's a pretty ubiquitously mocked thing in TV, film, social media even music to mimic those kind of ott porny sex noises.

So I'd say that most adults could give a fairly accurate description of ott porn type noises regardless of their consumption of porn.

So I do see what you were trying to do there. But your implication is not correct. I'm also not sure why you'd beat around the bush implying this rather than just say, do you know what porn sounds like because you watch it. I gather you think that porn watching is abhorrent? So were trying to prove a point that I'm worse or something?

OP posts:
Luddite26 · 16/03/2025 20:37

I am so jealous. The joys of it.

You've been a bit mean .
I think pp saying put on J'Taime or something loud like the sex pistols would have been better.

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