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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sex noise from neighbours

211 replies

Discone · 16/03/2025 19:37

I live in an old terrace. I hear bits of noise from both sides normal life stuff, not an issue. Other neighbors play instruments and I can hear but it's no problem. Both sides have kids at least some of the time too.

This afternoon I could hear my neighbour (non music ones) having really loud sex. It's a fella who lives there I've had a few conversations with him he's in his 40s and lives alone. He's nice enough and no bother as a neighbour. It was the woman I could hear moaning. Tbh it sounded really fake and porny but whatever, they might like that. But that did make it more obvious and a bit cringe.

I put a note through the door saying we could hear and perhaps put on some music. It was polite in tone. I thought this was better than saying it face to face! But now I'm wondering if I shouldn't have done it. There's nothing I can do now it's done! But people are entitled to have sex in their house. I'm super sex positive but I do think it's a private thing and not something kids should hear for example. We have family over a lot and I'd be really embarrassed if this happened when they were over. I do massively over think so, a genuine wabu.

OP posts:
changedusernameforthis1 · 16/03/2025 23:06

I'd rather receive a polite note than what my neighbours did...

I was about 19 and having sex with my then boyfriend. In fairness, it was a small flat with paper thin walls.
The moment we stopped, they all started cheering and making the same sounds I'd been making 🙈😂
It was a flat share of 4 young lads and I was mortified 😂

LittleCharlotte · 16/03/2025 23:17

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 22:37

@LittleCharlotte

Everyone knows what women in porn sound like, even if you don't watch it.

Tell me you secretly watch porn without telling me you secretly watch porn. 😂

I don't, and I loathe porn, but I still know what porn noises are like.

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 23:23

LittleCharlotte · 16/03/2025 23:17

I don't, and I loathe porn, but I still know what porn noises are like.

How? If you don't watch it? 😂

Fountofwisdom · 16/03/2025 23:30

I live in a small block of 10 flats. Share a bedroom wall with the next flat. Had this exact issue when a young couple moved in and had really loud sex regular as clockwork every Tuesday and Thursday night and Sundays from about 4pm. I could hear every slap of flesh, the sex talk, screaming and groaning. I had to postpone a visit from my sister with her young kids as you could hear the noise through to the spare room.

After about 3 weeks of this, I wrote them a letter. Tried to be as kind as possible and didn’t identify which flat I was but it was along the lines of : “You are probably not aware but wanted to let you know that your bedroom activities can be heard in several of the flats. I’m sure you wish to keep these things private so we would greatly appreciate you keeping the noise down. We want to spare you any embarrassment, so thought it better to write a note rather than have to knock on your door.”

The loud sex stopped straight away (funny how people can actually be restrained when they try). She did look very sheepish every time I saw her on the stairs and they moved out about 2 months after that.

LittleCharlotte · 16/03/2025 23:39

I don't watch it, no.
I once saw a bit of a film when I was about 12.

HTH.

LittleCharlotte · 16/03/2025 23:40

Fountofwisdom · 16/03/2025 23:30

I live in a small block of 10 flats. Share a bedroom wall with the next flat. Had this exact issue when a young couple moved in and had really loud sex regular as clockwork every Tuesday and Thursday night and Sundays from about 4pm. I could hear every slap of flesh, the sex talk, screaming and groaning. I had to postpone a visit from my sister with her young kids as you could hear the noise through to the spare room.

After about 3 weeks of this, I wrote them a letter. Tried to be as kind as possible and didn’t identify which flat I was but it was along the lines of : “You are probably not aware but wanted to let you know that your bedroom activities can be heard in several of the flats. I’m sure you wish to keep these things private so we would greatly appreciate you keeping the noise down. We want to spare you any embarrassment, so thought it better to write a note rather than have to knock on your door.”

The loud sex stopped straight away (funny how people can actually be restrained when they try). She did look very sheepish every time I saw her on the stairs and they moved out about 2 months after that.

This is a really kind approach, perfect.

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 23:43

LittleCharlotte · 16/03/2025 23:39

I don't watch it, no.
I once saw a bit of a film when I was about 12.

HTH.

👀

oakleaffy · 16/03/2025 23:59

offmynut · 16/03/2025 20:07

Just thought of something next time op crank up marvin gaye or something similar.

Or Donna Summer

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWD8raATiIY

sSssssssssssssOOO · 17/03/2025 00:22

OP,
I have never watched porn but know what you meant when you said OTT porn noise. Not sure why posters are pretending it must mean you watch porn. I guess they are just trying to wind you up.
I don’t think there was anything wrong with your note. It wasn’t rude. Although I guess it wouldn’t be good if someone else opened the note.

Bepo77 · 17/03/2025 02:48

Redpeach · 16/03/2025 21:30

Why do men not feel the need to communicate in the same way?

Err I’ve been with men who are vocal

Bepo77 · 17/03/2025 02:53

BatchCookBabe · 16/03/2025 22:15

Yeah funny that isn't it? 😆 It's only the women who are like Lassie from Porky's, when they're fucking?! 😂

AAAA-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 🐕

"Listen everyone, I am having sex! Aren't I so clever, and so special, and SO amazing? I'm soooooooo much more attractive than you, my man is a great shag, and you are all sooooo JELLUS of me and my amayyyzing SEX!" 😂

Seriously shut the fuck up Maureen! No-one wants to hear your cum howl!

Oh my god this is so sad and pathetic 😂

Hope you don’t go around calling yourself a feminist like so many of the other women haters on mumsnet. Just say you have a shit sex life, it’s okay to be honest!

Bepo77 · 17/03/2025 02:59

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 16/03/2025 22:19

Porn has a lot to answer for, with all that fake wailing.

Yes where on earth did they get the idea I wonder. Can’t possibly have been from real life

Ineedcoffee2021 · 17/03/2025 03:37

I would take that note as 'crank up the noise'

HelmholtzWatson · 17/03/2025 04:43

It's just 2 people having sex, so idk what the problem is - would you put a note through the door complaining if it was a new born baby?

Olddad72 · 17/03/2025 12:36

For what it's worth I think you were a bit quick off the mark for a first offence. But this thread does remind me of an ex girlfriend from way back. She was very vocal, almost to the point of a performance. She lived in a first floor flat, one of Barrett's finest so as you can imagine there wasn't much sound proofing. She was very experienced and adventurous, certainly compared to what I'd been used to, so who was I to complain.
As the relationship progressed I found out her FWB lived in the flat below, I always wondered if the performance was for his benefit , did he enjoy it or did it torment him?
After a couple of years she dumped me and went on to marry him.
When I think about it now it was an odd situation basically was she entertaing both of us and I was the one who was clueless, or did he just hang around until he was needed in-between boyfriends ?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 17/03/2025 12:50

Listen everyone, I am having sex! Aren't I so clever, and so special, and SO amazing? I'm soooooooo much more attractive than you, my man is a great shag, and you are all sooooo JELLUS of me and my amayyyzing SEX!"
Really? You believe anyone actually thinks like that? I never ever had any thoughts about anyone else while having sex.
Vocal pleasure is just one of those things based on intense stimulation.
A silent session would be weird for me.

Waitfortheguinness · 17/03/2025 13:47

Maybe he’s paying for it 🤣
the more she screams the more she gets paid?

Redpeach · 17/03/2025 14:14

Bepo77 · 17/03/2025 02:48

Err I’ve been with men who are vocal

Err, why are there so few complaints about noisy men

Bubblemonkey · 17/03/2025 14:30

Embarrassed for your family because people shag? I reckon most adults have shagged in their lifetime.

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 17/03/2025 14:40

Well anyone would think everybody else has sex in complete silence.

sidebirds · 17/03/2025 18:38

fourelementary · 16/03/2025 19:55

Haha what if he writes back

dear discone
i hear you every Friday…

noisy neighbour

More like...

Dear Discone,

I hear you annually, on your husband's birthday

asrl78 · 17/03/2025 18:41

User32459 · 16/03/2025 21:54

It's a lack of consideration. They wouldn't do it their kids or parents where in the next room, so why subject the neighbours to it on adjoining thin walls?

Some people just don't give a damn about anyone else.

Get a detached house if you want to scream like a porn star.

Being in your own home is like being in a bubble where you are completely segregated from the outside world (like driving a car), so I can completely understand why some might think nothing of letting the emotions out at full volume at the peak of sexual ecstasy, because the edge of the visible universe is their walls and nothing can pass across that edge. Smartphones have the same effect shrinking the visible universe to a meter from the user's body which is why they appear to aim at you when walking.

asrl78 · 17/03/2025 18:45

Redpeach · 16/03/2025 21:30

Why do men not feel the need to communicate in the same way?

I think men tend to be less vocal with their emotions than women, either that or women have much more intense orgasms (no-one can ever directly test that one out). It reminds me of going to fairgrounds and rollercoasters, it was always the women dominating the screaming.

sidebirds · 17/03/2025 18:46

Olddad72 · 17/03/2025 12:36

For what it's worth I think you were a bit quick off the mark for a first offence. But this thread does remind me of an ex girlfriend from way back. She was very vocal, almost to the point of a performance. She lived in a first floor flat, one of Barrett's finest so as you can imagine there wasn't much sound proofing. She was very experienced and adventurous, certainly compared to what I'd been used to, so who was I to complain.
As the relationship progressed I found out her FWB lived in the flat below, I always wondered if the performance was for his benefit , did he enjoy it or did it torment him?
After a couple of years she dumped me and went on to marry him.
When I think about it now it was an odd situation basically was she entertaing both of us and I was the one who was clueless, or did he just hang around until he was needed in-between boyfriends ?

strongly suspect the FWB below was "having one on the strength of it" 🤯😂😂😂

feelingalittlehorse · 17/03/2025 18:50

I’m sad that my life isn’t exciting enough to even get a one off note from my neighbours sigh

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