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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sex noise from neighbours

211 replies

Discone · 16/03/2025 19:37

I live in an old terrace. I hear bits of noise from both sides normal life stuff, not an issue. Other neighbors play instruments and I can hear but it's no problem. Both sides have kids at least some of the time too.

This afternoon I could hear my neighbour (non music ones) having really loud sex. It's a fella who lives there I've had a few conversations with him he's in his 40s and lives alone. He's nice enough and no bother as a neighbour. It was the woman I could hear moaning. Tbh it sounded really fake and porny but whatever, they might like that. But that did make it more obvious and a bit cringe.

I put a note through the door saying we could hear and perhaps put on some music. It was polite in tone. I thought this was better than saying it face to face! But now I'm wondering if I shouldn't have done it. There's nothing I can do now it's done! But people are entitled to have sex in their house. I'm super sex positive but I do think it's a private thing and not something kids should hear for example. We have family over a lot and I'd be really embarrassed if this happened when they were over. I do massively over think so, a genuine wabu.

OP posts:
UpUpUpU · 16/03/2025 19:39

Sorry, a note? That is very odd OP for a first occasion.

TotallyForgettableForNow · 16/03/2025 19:41

I think you jumped the gun a bit if this was the first time you heard anything.

Squigglewigglediggle · 16/03/2025 19:43

Oh my gosh you put a note through for a first time offender. 🤣 I have second hand embarrassment.

Bailamosse · 16/03/2025 19:44

For a one off? That’s embarrassing, OP.

Are you jealous?

Dinosweetpea · 16/03/2025 19:44

We had this when I was pregnant with my 1st and it kept me awake, she screamed and moaned like a porn star for 45m at a time (whole street could hear - Summer, windows open - but we were attached to them) I banged on the wall.every time, I was hormonal.amd tired though 🤣

Laiste · 16/03/2025 19:44

I put a note through the door saying we could hear and perhaps put on some music

Sorry, i need to know the precise words please. Was it literally:

Hi neighbour.
We can hear you. Perhaps put on some music.
Love Discone.

or ..... ?

Sayithowiseeit · 16/03/2025 19:44

Yeah thats a bit much for the first time from a usually nice easy neighbour

Bailamosse · 16/03/2025 19:50

Did they put any music on? I think I’d have cranked up Je t’aime..

Differentstarts · 16/03/2025 19:50

Iv had this with neighbours and it's really embarrassing when it's in the middle of the day and the kids are about and you have visitors. I think the first time I would leave it but if it becomes more regular I'd say something. I still have the same neighbours but they just stopped with the loud pornstar dramatics now I don't know whether they realised how sound travels or they just got bored not sure but never hear them anymore

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 16/03/2025 19:50

I do massively over think so, a genuine wabu.

Pity you didn't think very hard before putting a note through the door. It's a one-off, he'll feel like you've been waiting to hear him doing something you can tell him off for.

Discone · 16/03/2025 19:51

Bailamosse · 16/03/2025 19:44

For a one off? That’s embarrassing, OP.

Are you jealous?

Haha I knew this would be one of the comments but you've done it even quicker than I thought! No I'm not, but I don't know how I can prove that?

Ok fair enough iabu. It was so loud and not even just towards the end. Like how women in porn sound. So it just felt quite inconsiderate as you deliberately make that noise. So I wanted to nip it in the bud. Because if I had family here, which I often would on a Sunday it would be embarrassing. Just to explain my thinking.

He's fine as a neighbour, I wouldn't say he was quiet, but I feel there's def a diff between deliberate notice and just life noise. But sex is part of life so, perhaps even if deliberatly loud it's ok.

But it's done now so I'm not gonna make it worse by saying oh yeah sorry I was a dick. I think that wouldn't help 😂

OP posts:
Discone · 16/03/2025 19:53

Laiste · 16/03/2025 19:44

I put a note through the door saying we could hear and perhaps put on some music

Sorry, i need to know the precise words please. Was it literally:

Hi neighbour.
We can hear you. Perhaps put on some music.
Love Discone.

or ..... ?

Hi we can hear you having sex really loudly, perhaps put some music on as its Sunday afternoon. Thanks

OP posts:
ladymammalade · 16/03/2025 19:53

Are you sure he had a woman in there or was he just watching porn?

Huckyfell · 16/03/2025 19:54

ladymammalade · 16/03/2025 19:53

Are you sure he had a woman in there or was he just watching porn?

I was thinking that too, maybe he's a bit deaf so turned the volume up.
He'll probably look at the op a bit funny next time he sees her😂

fourelementary · 16/03/2025 19:55

Haha what if he writes back

dear discone
i hear you every Friday…

noisy neighbour

offmynut · 16/03/2025 19:55

Omg you didnt did you a note because of loud sex ffs oh the shame im embarrassed for you why didnt you put your music on.
It would not bother me one bit id think good for them put my music on and get on with my life.
If it was me id get louder on spite.😂

LillyPJ · 16/03/2025 19:58

I think you did exactly the right thing. You've let him know that you can hear and you haven't confronted him face to face.

LillyPJ · 16/03/2025 19:58

offmynut · 16/03/2025 19:55

Omg you didnt did you a note because of loud sex ffs oh the shame im embarrassed for you why didnt you put your music on.
It would not bother me one bit id think good for them put my music on and get on with my life.
If it was me id get louder on spite.😂

Why are you proud of being an inconsiderate and vindictive neighbour?

offmynut · 16/03/2025 19:59

fourelementary · 16/03/2025 19:55

Haha what if he writes back

dear discone
i hear you every Friday…

noisy neighbour

Lol id wright back dear noisy may the match begin i will get louder ear phones half price at asda i suggest you invest in a pair.😂

Squigglewigglediggle · 16/03/2025 20:00

Ha, this thread has really tickled me OP. Hope your note works, I wonder what music he'll choose?!

Discone · 16/03/2025 20:01

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 16/03/2025 19:50

I do massively over think so, a genuine wabu.

Pity you didn't think very hard before putting a note through the door. It's a one-off, he'll feel like you've been waiting to hear him doing something you can tell him off for.

I mean tbh the performance sneezing, door slamming and child shouting have been ignored 😂 so I'd be surprised if he felt like he had neighbours waiting to tell him off. But if you want to read that into it pop off I guess. If I'd complained in the first instance of these things I understand why he'd fewl like that.
It's interesting that while I'm fairly open in my post to being wrong and said I'm happy to say I am in subsequent posts, you you still want to get a kick in. That doesn't come across as very pleasant.

OP posts:
thecherryfox · 16/03/2025 20:04

If it was a one off that’s really inconsiderate on your part to put a note through. Like people cannot make noise as a one off in their own home without their neighbours getting pissy about it. It’s not like it’s regular and waking you up in the night every single night. Jesus, I’d hate to be your neighbour - you’re very unreasonable. Even making comments about it being fake like porn - you obviously find complaint in everything, maybe re evaluate why you’re so miserable instead of bringing others down with you

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 16/03/2025 20:05

Yes you were being unreasonable to do it first occasion. It may have been a new fling that he did the deed with and then won't ever see again. Her noises may have bothered him too, but he would have been a dick to make her feel bad in the moment.

However, PP are giving you a bit of a hard time. You know now, it can't be changed. I would just be friendly and polite and not mention anything to him in person unless he brings it up first.

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 20:06

First offence…. You put some miss on?

FredaFox · 16/03/2025 20:07

There was a period the lad in the flat across from me was at it. I’d hear her arrive at 6amish then it would start, real porn performance, loud as anything
it also happened some days at 6pmish or 11ish
my mum visited once, as the lift opened it was going on, I’ve never pushed her wheelchair as fast. I could hear it so loud in my flat, I had to put the tv on loud. After a few months it stopped and she was never seen again
I was relieved when he moved out