To think DH is a nob

[Ovladie]

Can you tell me if AIBU or if DH is being an nob please.

Every other Sunday I go to the pub quiz with my friends. I get ready at 5pm and go to pick up my friend. DH looks after DD age 6. Before I go I iron her uniform and do her homework with her (school sends a spelling, reading, writing task home every Friday to do for Monday).

Every time DH asks what’s for DD’s tea? I say I don’t know, it’s your night to look after her, I’m busy having a shower. There’s dried pasta, tomatoes, cheese, bread, ham, broccoli, various other ingredients. So then he starts squealing well maybe you should do some DIY (or gardening, or washing the car, or whatever he’s been doing that day) and then I’ll handle DD’s dinner.

AIBU for not feeding her? For context we both work, I’ve cooked for the last 13 nights and this is the only time I go out.

He's annoyed with you and maybe jealous of you having a life outside the home and he's making things difficult for you because of it.

They get homework from 3yrs old now. Nursery is just a reading book record to sign to say, read a book with parent each week. From reception it's a reading book, plus a reading diary and worksheets/phonics/letters/word blending/cutting/puzzles (different things each week (we get 5 days to do those).
Year 1 they introduce a book for your dc to read aloud and they gradually go up levels as they improve, also some worksheets. My year 3 now gets maths, English, and reading, and also some optional activities to do each week. It is a lot to navigate for parents, esp if your child needs a lot of help/is reluctant. The weekend is the easiest time, because they're so tired after being at school all day. Otherwise, it is a matter of doing a little each night.

@LiveinHarmony I'm in Ireland and I don't know any primary school child who gets weekend homework, it's unheard of, even my 12 year old doesn't get homework at the weekend.

I’d just say that you don’t have time to debate this, and head for the shower. Then leave.

Hahaaa thanks, it's so nice when someone else is being the language nerd. I'm not a native speaker but the 'nob' felt off somehow.

OP whether or not he's a nob he's definitely being a knob. Hope he sorts himself out.

When you say weekend, are you meaning no homework at all? Mine get homework for the week, for example one gets it given on a Friday to hand in the following Wed, not loads of time so we do tend to do it on the weekend, otherwise they'd just have two school nights to do it in, if that makes sense. All schools are different though, and it sounds like in op's case that it may indeed be one of the awkward ones, or she's just doing it on the weekend possibly.

What a loser.
Your poor daughter.
Shit father can't even care one evening for her.
Total loser.

No he finds boring and unmanly and no-one is going to pat him on the back and admire what he's done so it's not worth it. These threads come up all the time as though cooking family meals is comparable to one off DIY type jobs. "I bet you cant change an oil filter, put up a shelf etc". Cooking basic family food is something every single NT and most ND people can do if they choose to. If you've chosen to be a parent, throwing together some pasta or a cheese toastie is just part of it and you actually resent having to do it then there's something deeply wrong.

Have you tried saying they are all house things. You’re a parent and this is your daughter. I’m starting to think you need to spend a lot more time caring for her as cooking her dinner once a fortnight still seems to be super hard. Personally I think objecting to cooking your own daughter dinner a whole once every 14 nights is about as selfish as it gets, when you and she are catered for all the other nights and I think most people would agree. When do you plan to cook for me? Or flex your work to support mine? I’m really fed up with this whining and it is making me look at how we split things differently. If you’re going to be a jerk about something so minor then I don’t feel like carrying half your load for you mister but I did some diy so how dare you ask me to parent my daughter. I’m out, please think seriously, and I’d like you to cook family dinner on Friday of this week.

Do u cook 13/14 days? Stop doing that. He's asking because you are the default cook for rhe family.
Yes he's being a nob
And he needs to see it. It sounds like the only day u aren't cook g he gets a take away. You aren't his cook, cleaner etc. But maybe he has to start to feel this more than he currety does.

Not nice. He wants you to stop doing rhinga for yourself and know your place.. looking after him and your dd.

He says this every fortnight. What’s for DD’s tea? And on the night where he’s been out at his hobby till 10pm he says what’s for my tea? He texts me on his way home when I’m asleep in bed, what’s for my tea? He’s a grown man, why is it my problem what he has for his tea! Then if I say that he gets annoyed and says I’m being nasty.

I thought it was a very big thing now for the fathers to be be very hands on. Unlike before and they’re very proud of it. I guess those are only the fake bloggers

I mean it’s not the point. But she gets the homework on a Weds, and I’m too busy to do it with her on a week night by the time I finish my work hours, and she’s not capable to do it by herself. So it’s a Sunday afternoon task.

Really it’s homework for me not her, because I have to literally put the pencil in her hand and tell her what to do and guide her.

I know it’s a pain but it’s necessary to get them in a set schedule where you get things done and becomes a sort of bonding exercise where you both focus on her. Look at it that way. Your teaching her and your her strong mommy

Education is really important and work on it as soon as you can.

Homework at primary level is not compulsory. Not doing homework at primary level will not have any negative impact on your child's education, despite what so many people like to claim. I'm a former teacher and really disagree with primary level homework, it's unnecessary. At this level, having rest, play and quality family time is much more important.

"What's for my tea?", does he think you're his mother? If he does this every fortnight clearly you haven't spoken to him about it strongly enough.

Is he an only child? Spoilt little shit growing up?

He's a knob with a degree in knobbery from Knob University, Knobtown. Give him Cooking for Knobs Dummies for his next birthday.

He loved treating us — it was one of his life’s great joys.
You couldn’t be more accurate.
He could make bacon and eggs and he killed at popcorn.
As I said before, my mum didn’t go out very often so he never really had the opportunity to cook.
But he did love to treat us and surprise us with little gifts.

“And whilst you did DIY I looked after dd, we did her homework and her uniform is ironed. It’s not a competition. You are an adult and very capable of cooking a child’s meal.”

and if he makes one comment about DIY being more difficult than looking after your dd just say “if it’s so easy you have nothing to complain about “

Why is he expecting you to make his tea at 10 pm. Isn't he there for a meal before he goes to his hobby? I suggest you tell him he is cooking for half the week and do not cook if he has not. (Feed DC, of course.) He seems to think a wife is a domestic servant.

Perhaps next time when he moans about all that he has done, give him a list of all of the things you have done, then ask him to tick off what he'd like to start doing so you can make a board of who is doing what each week, after all you'd hate for him to think the workload is unfair 😉

I bloody hate people who think they deserve a round of applause for emptying a bin or putting a plate in the dishwasher, whilst the other person is left doing the other 101 boring household tasks that don't get noticed.

Him: “What’s for my tea?”
You: Ooh! A game! What do I win if I guess correctly? Money? Jewelry? A trip?
I can guess this much correctly - you’re a big fat lazy knob.

Next time leave the homework for him too!

My OH does Sunday roast most weekends- why isn’t yours doing that? In summer he can bbq if he wants to go all caveman.

demand that OP!