To think DH is a nob

[Ovladie]

Can you tell me if AIBU or if DH is being an nob please.

Every other Sunday I go to the pub quiz with my friends. I get ready at 5pm and go to pick up my friend. DH looks after DD age 6. Before I go I iron her uniform and do her homework with her (school sends a spelling, reading, writing task home every Friday to do for Monday).

Every time DH asks what’s for DD’s tea? I say I don’t know, it’s your night to look after her, I’m busy having a shower. There’s dried pasta, tomatoes, cheese, bread, ham, broccoli, various other ingredients. So then he starts squealing well maybe you should do some DIY (or gardening, or washing the car, or whatever he’s been doing that day) and then I’ll handle DD’s dinner.

AIBU for not feeding her? For context we both work, I’ve cooked for the last 13 nights and this is the only time I go out.

I know, but he clearly does find it stressful.

Maybe he’d live on kebabs. I still think a division of labour according to skills is ok.

It’s not like learning calligraphy. Cooking is a basic life skill that you need to survive, especially if you have dependents who rely on you for sustenance.

When I started weaning my first, I was so overwhelmed about ensuring he got the right nutrition and a good selection of foods. I told my DP I needed support with it. Initially he said “I don’t know anything about how to cook for children”, but then he remembered he had a magical portal to all the information and recipes in the world in his pocket, pulled his finger out, and started cooking for his child.

This continues because he’s a parent. Regardless of the skill level of OP’s husband, it’s an absolute basic necessity that he knows how to feed his children!

Or he just thinks it's beneath him to cook, that the woman should cook, that feeding kids is the mums job.

This is very true. I have used my rubbish DIY attempts to wiggle out of things in the past. Never goes down well!

So he orders a takeaway dd will like or he makes something.

He is being a total d#ck

Massive sheet of paper on the fridge for the next two weeks with a column for each of you and every time you complete a task (school run, meal, cleaning, shopping etc) get it on there. Next time you go to your pub quiz ask him if after looking at that he thinks it’s selfish to ask him to pull his finger out for one night a fortnight?

Is it that he actually finds it stressful, or is it just that he's lazy?

He sounds like a lazy waste of space. Dh just brought me a glass of wine (he's doing dry March) while I was grumpily doing school work, said 'Never mind - I'm making you a lovely dinner!' and is slaving away in the kitchen making something fancy.

Ridiculous giant knob head.

Agree with weaponised incompetence.
The best part of not cooking is not planning and thinking about cooking.

He is trying to spoil your night out...

I don’t know. But it is a fact that some people find cooking stressful. He may be one of them. Only OP knows this.

Honestly! My 11 year old regularly makes an evening meal, it should not be beyond the skills of a grown man to make some pasta and sauce.

I often prepare food in advance for DC if I go out. Cling it and job done. No drama.

That's called enabling of lazy knobs.

He’s not “cooking” boiling pasta and cheese and ham mixed in, is not cooking!

KNOB

He’s not cooking!

My tween cooks dinner for the family at every possible opportunity.

Meanwhile, your husband cannot boil some pasta and heat up some tomato sauce.

i guess that might be the problem - you have only too regularly prepared her meal and he hasn't.
oh dear. Maybe he should do it a bit more to get used to it.

It's like the beautiful south song don't marry her. It always irked me. He doesn't behave to do those jobs he chooses to mostly. He just doesn't like you going to the quiz miserable controlling pig yes and a nob.

Who does the shopping

I honestly don’t know what I find more pathetic – the men who refuse to provide a basic level of care for their children, or the women who willingly enable this absolute uselessness. Good grief.

YANBU OP. He can start cooking 50% of the time. He clearly needs the practice.

Sorry for a bit of a derail - but what is it if it's not cooking?

I'm not saying it's fine dining, obviously 🤣 but surely it is the very definition of basic cooking? 🤔

Have you told him he's a knob? I think you should.

Strike!

My partner does practically all the DIY that just gives him a free pass on any jobs / childcare that needs doing during the DIY activity not the whole weekend!

Yesterday he looked after our daughter from half 7 until half 9 when I got up. I've had a stinking cold all week and needed some rest. We did stuff together for an hour or so. He did a bit of DIY in the run up to lunchtime so I made lunch.
I sorted some washing out and did some chores in the afternoon whilst he had a soak in the bath to soothe some aches and pains. He started dinner then put the rugby on. I had a quick shower then came down to keep an eye on dinner. Dishing it up in time for half time and we ate together then we watched the second half together. I did bedtime whilst he cleaned the kitchen.

By alternating who has the baton of responsibility we were both able to do things in the day that were for us whilst ensuring the house ticked over ok!

I wouldn't be happy if one day a fortnight he stropped about feeding our daughter. I wouldn't be happy if that was the only time he fed her either to be honest! During the week who cooks is the person that's available first but at the weekend we try to share the load and try to make double portions both days so there's two days in the week where we have something that just needs reheating or a minor tweak to turn into another meal.