To think DH is a nob

[Ovladie]

Can you tell me if AIBU or if DH is being an nob please.

Every other Sunday I go to the pub quiz with my friends. I get ready at 5pm and go to pick up my friend. DH looks after DD age 6. Before I go I iron her uniform and do her homework with her (school sends a spelling, reading, writing task home every Friday to do for Monday).

Every time DH asks what’s for DD’s tea? I say I don’t know, it’s your night to look after her, I’m busy having a shower. There’s dried pasta, tomatoes, cheese, bread, ham, broccoli, various other ingredients. So then he starts squealing well maybe you should do some DIY (or gardening, or washing the car, or whatever he’s been doing that day) and then I’ll handle DD’s dinner.

AIBU for not feeding her? For context we both work, I’ve cooked for the last 13 nights and this is the only time I go out.

Weaponised incompetence. It takes approximately 10 minutes to boil pasta and mix in jarred pesto/tomato sauce. Looking after a child is CLEARLY far harder and more work than occasional DIY. Is he seriously using the fact that he sometimes puts up a shelf as an excuse to not be a parent?

It's also a bit horrible and disturbing to me that he seems to be happy to let his child go hungry just to spite you. If he's ordering himself a kerbab as he doesn't want to cook, why can't he order your daughter one as well? Instead, he only orders one for himself, essentially forcing you to cook or leave your daughter to go hungry.

Yanbu girl

Are these jobs that really need doing or is it a good excuse to avoid taking care of DD?

He is lazy and should be capable of sorting dinner for them both (why does he need to order a kebab 🙄)

YANBU at all. But I'm just wondering, is it the cooking of it that's vexing him or the decision making? If you were to just shout "macaroni cheese" over your shoulder as you were leaving, would he then skip off happily to cook it? (He's being an idiot either way, I'm just wondering what the exact issue is.)

If it's that he doesn't want to cook for her at all (weird if true), I'd be tempted to say sure, I'll sort her tea in advance, you iron her uniform. Ta.

Why doesn't he food shop, meal plan, cook, iron his child's uniform, flex his hours or help her with homework?

Your child is going to think it's normal for a man to be a misogynist deadbeat, normal for a father to have no interest in parenting his daughter.

6 yo can’t / won’t eat kebab. She only eats certain stuff. Pasta, chicken, ham, potato faces, broccoli, she can be picky. But there is food in, he just has to choose and cook.

I don’t eat that stuff so he gets it when I’m out and I don’t cook.

I couldn't be with someone who moaned about feeding his own child.

Who on Earth are the 3% (currently) that think YABU? Of course you're not! He's her dad ffs its his responsibility to rear her to adulthood just as much as its yours and by the sounds of it all he does is make her dinner and (i assume) put her to bed 1 night out of 14!! @Ovladie book yourself a week away and let him see all that you actually do with DD. Get yourself an extra large drink and enjoy quiz night, don't let this total knobhead ruin your night with his selfish man baby whining.

God this has annoyed me so bloody much!

Surely this should make it easier for him to know what to cook if she only eats a limited range of food. I think it would be much nicer if he cooked for them both and seemed to spend time with her.

This one

Me too!

Wow. What a knob.

If my DH was feeling lazy but needed to make tea for DS, DS would have cheese on toast and veggie sticks and would be fine with it. It would take 10 mins at most! AND you gave him a list of ideas.

tell him you’ll swap cooking with diy see how long he lasts!

Hmm I’ll go against the grain here.

some people are shit at cooking and find getting meals stressful. It sounds like he does pull his weight in other ways, so I would personally just cook the food in advance, put it in a bowl in the fridge and tell him to microwave it. I wouldn’t advocate this is he was really lazy and contributed nothing.

People have different skills. I think it’s fine for him to do things he’s good at and for you to do things you’re good at.

Exactly! "Picnic tea, kids!" "Yay!"

Throw cheese butty and apple slices at child. Dinner done. 🤣

He's being a complete twat!!

Why can't he just enjoy time on his own with DD every second Sunday? Why can't he make it fun for her? Daddy and Daughter dinner where they can cook together? (even if it's just a few veg and a tomato sauce? Or have a special meal they always have or a carpet picnic.

What a fucking misery he is!!

It's not like you're expecting him to cook anything gourmet when he's been busy all day

Ffs. He needs reminding they're not little and idolising their appearance for long. He's missing the years when daddy is a hero and you don't get a second run of it!!

Tell him all of that plus to STFU about making tea for his daughter once a fortnight or he'll be on all cooking permanently. I know he's at work at the time you're generally making dinner, but he can make dinner that can be reheated the next night!!

It's an evening meal for a six year old, not a four-course Christmas dinner for 16.

Oh come on! Boiling pasta is not beyond the capabilities of the average 11 year old. She’s not asking him to make boeuf en croute from scratch.

What did you say when he called you selfish?

Cooking isn't a pink job, it's a life skill that everyone capable of learning should and absolutely in the case of having a child, it's a non negotiable.

Your husband is pathetic.

Your DH is a child. I would feel like a paedophile being married to a man like that.

Seriously my response each time would be “her tea is whatever you plan to make for her.”

I hear this “there’s nothing to eat”

Just ingredients, in the kitchen…

When you divorce him you can do your own weekend jobs and excel in your own diy and decorating and he will have to learn to cook for his child when he has her…

once a fortnight he has to sort out his own child - what a knob jockey. I hope he gets severe gout.

Cooking is a basic life skill. How would he cope if he was single?