To think DH is a nob

[Ovladie]

Can you tell me if AIBU or if DH is being an nob please.

Every other Sunday I go to the pub quiz with my friends. I get ready at 5pm and go to pick up my friend. DH looks after DD age 6. Before I go I iron her uniform and do her homework with her (school sends a spelling, reading, writing task home every Friday to do for Monday).

Every time DH asks what’s for DD’s tea? I say I don’t know, it’s your night to look after her, I’m busy having a shower. There’s dried pasta, tomatoes, cheese, bread, ham, broccoli, various other ingredients. So then he starts squealing well maybe you should do some DIY (or gardening, or washing the car, or whatever he’s been doing that day) and then I’ll handle DD’s dinner.

AIBU for not feeding her? For context we both work, I’ve cooked for the last 13 nights and this is the only time I go out.

He sounds pathetic. Does he think he’s babysitting too?

But it’s not comparing like for like.

it sounds like he spends ONE afternoon a week doing some DIY of his choice. Not essential / urgent stuff with the exception of mowing the lawn.

whereas the OP cooks dinner every single night and it sounds like does everything else for their child (sorting clothes, helping with homework, and I’m sure there’s much more!) ie the absolute essential stuff in the running of the family home.

This isnt about having different skills. This is feeding his child. You dont get to opt out of feeding your child.

what he wants is to ruin op‘s night out so he isn't left responsible for his children.

You need to go all out. Get a pie from Cook, for a joint eating contest. He’s signalling he can’t cope without you.

I knew what this was going to say when you wrote "looks after".

I find cooking stressful too but I still think he is a twat.

There's always stuff to do in a house - washing, shopping, cleaning, DIY and a hundred other things, so most people are knackered at the weekend doing all that, on top of the day job and being a parent.

BUT...You're asking your DH to take charge of cooking a quick tea once a fortnight, and he's finding 15 minutes of cooking a liberty? He's a knob alright.

I suppose in his head you're 'in charge' of cooking so he never gives food plannng a thought or feels he can pick which of 'your' ingredients to use. I'd just come up with the easiest thing in the world to cook that she likes and tell him that every single time until he stops asking. I'd not be having a row every time I'm off to enjoy myself.

Have you been on the sherry??

He’s still a knob regardless of the cycle of the moon, anyone’s menses or anything else. A grown man who can’t make beans and toast or boiled eggs. FEEBLE.

What would he do if the OP was somehow indisposed? Leave his child to starve?

He's a knob.

I also think the jobs sound like a convenient excuse to avoid any parenting.

YANBU. Why can’t he choose a meal and make it every other Sunday? It’s ridiculous expecting you to do it when you won’t even be there!

You could use the Northern Irish version as well - he’s a wab!

He sounds mean-spirited. Everything is measured out to the nth degree (“I do x,y and z, which means I refuse to do a, b and c for you”). A very unattractive character trait. I suggest you go out more and leave him to it.

Well everyone's allowed to not like something, whether it be cooking or whatever.
I think you need to have a discussion not just try to get loads of randoms online to take your side, that doesn't help your situation.

He doesn't like cooking, maybe you don't like putting up shelves, that's just normal life, but hopefully you respect each other enough to flex outside your lanes every so often.

Don't underestimate the value of DIY, it's unpaid and undervalued in the same way as other domestic work. But if it's not done, then it affects everyone at home.

I'm at least 50:50 with our young kids but I have zero time to do DIY, so our house is slowly falling apart and unfinished jobs. So maybe it would be nice if I spent more time on DIY and less on kids, but kids are always urgent and DIY is rarely so. So it just waits until the next year...

DIY can generally wait though. Hungry kids can't.

I think it's the "doing" more than the thinking, but to save him having to divent his brain power away from car washing, I'd simply pin "pasta and broccoli" to the fridge, every, single fortnight.

I'd do it in brightly coloured felt tips, with a smiley face and have it laminated. And I'd have a little chuckle to myself as I stuck it to the fridge and fucked off for a couple of hours away from this knob.

And, to be fair, even mowing the lawn isn't 'urgent'. The grass doesn't rise up and strangle you if you don't cut it every month. He's cherry picking jobs he feels like doing, and he doesn't 'feel like' cooking for his child. I had one like this. He'd happily spend all day valeting the car (unnecessary) and then have to lie down on the sofa to watch the rugby for the rest of the day because he was tired. So the kids were my problem to care for even when he was home.

None of the things he does are time sensitive and HAVE to be done that day. They are things he chooses to do. Feeding his child isn't optional. I'd suggest he needs more practise thinking about meals, so instead of cooking once a week he can do 50%.

Yeah that's what I meant by "kids are always urgent and DIY is rarely so"

Yup. He's a nob. Tell him to do the shopping and cook half the fortnight. Twit.

He’s a knob! My husband loves cooking for him and our daughter as they like things i don’t.
Why can’t he at least order something for her with his kebab??

Why is it that some men can't look after their own children without a massive song and dance? I don't believe they're so clueless, that they can't think of a dinner to cook. This is a manipulative technique I've seen first hand, and designed to get you to do it op. If they kick up so much of a fuss, they think you'll cave and day "it doesn't matter, I'll just do it."

My dad would’ve taken us out to eat — no question. He never cooked a meal even once.
But he was absolutely fabulous at ordering off a menu. And he was responsible enough to know that we needed to be fed and afraid enough of Mum to never ask her what he was supposed to feed us lol.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat ha ha, my exh was EXACTLY like this too! 'Had' to take the car to get washed every single weekend or get this or that from the hardware store, and on and on. Any excuse to leave the wife and kids behind. Was having at the very least an emotional affair too.

Must have cost a small fortune.

This.