To think DH is a nob

[Ovladie]

Can you tell me if AIBU or if DH is being an nob please.

Every other Sunday I go to the pub quiz with my friends. I get ready at 5pm and go to pick up my friend. DH looks after DD age 6. Before I go I iron her uniform and do her homework with her (school sends a spelling, reading, writing task home every Friday to do for Monday).

Every time DH asks what’s for DD’s tea? I say I don’t know, it’s your night to look after her, I’m busy having a shower. There’s dried pasta, tomatoes, cheese, bread, ham, broccoli, various other ingredients. So then he starts squealing well maybe you should do some DIY (or gardening, or washing the car, or whatever he’s been doing that day) and then I’ll handle DD’s dinner.

AIBU for not feeding her? For context we both work, I’ve cooked for the last 13 nights and this is the only time I go out.

Yup, he’s a nob. Sorry.

Not really - my mum rarely went anywhere.
But my dad was never one to complain about money or the cost of things.

This is exactly what I would do!

And every time he moaned about it I'd pin it up on an additional random night so that he could get some extra practice.

Don't, under any circumstances, stop going to your quiz night - it will make this much much worse if it works!

OP is turning into a werewolf? Or her DH is being a total arse?

Does he want his dd eating cold pasta? He’s an idiot.

Second this!

Edited to say: I think all men should have basic cooking skills at the very least, but it is good it worked out. Maybe he could secretly cook, and just wanted to treat you.

Is that op's dh? Definately a man.

I really hate cooking - it's not my thing - but even I have learned how to make dinner for my children. Knowing how to cook a meal for your kids without help from others is a fundamental part of being a parent.

Given you do this every other week, what did he feed her two weeks ago?! He is being a knob.

He can't even produce one meal in 42? What is the point of him?

That's not DIY, OP. That's avoiding childcare responsibilities, family life, and cleaning, cooking, and domestic chores. What a swizz.

He needs to factor in the fact that he's prepping and cooking for DD once a fortnight and reduce his painting or whatever if he thinks there is an imbalance between what you each do.

And they can split the DIY, gardening, car washing 50/50, the jobs that get coventiently forgotten when women are whining about 'wifey work'!

DIY, gardening and car washing doesn't have to be done daily like cooking. Come on now.

I'm guessing what this boils down is that he considers DIY jobs to be fun things that give him a manly sense of accomplishment, while childcare and cleaning are the kind of thankless drudgery he feels is "women's work". The natural order of things, in his mind, is that you do all of that stuff all the time. Because you're a wumman, you're just naturally better at it, and you enjoy it, probably.

If you really would be happy to do some of his vitally important man chores, then I suggest you call his bluff. Ask him ahead of time what the man chore of the weekend is going to be, and suggest you swap. It's his idea, after all. You're just taking him up on it. Put on a podcast and potter about for two hours hanging a shelf, or whatever, while he does your cooking and cleaning and all the homework with the six year old.

He won't actually take you up on this, of course.

Putting pasta in a bowl with bottled sauce isn’t rocket science. He just doesn’t want to do it. It’s a shame bc this could be a chance a good bonding experience for him and his daughter. Instead he’s whining like a baby. He needs to think about his daughter, not about how he’s being put out bc he’s really not being put out at all. He’s just being a twat.

No drama required for him to do it either. He's a parent, not a babysitter.

If a nob is a useless lazy asshole who wants you to do all the work and resents having to feed his kid one evening, then yes, nob.

By the way, I suspect another reason he does this is so that when the men at work ask him what he did at the weekend, he has something suitably blokey and interesting to tell them. They won't be impressed to hear he spent the weekend doing the ironing, and that one day, he boiled a bit of pasta for his DD and stirred some Dolmio and cheese into it. And didn't even get a medal for his efforts

But he doesn't have to cook a meal from scratch! Scrambled eggs on toast takes 5 mins...

What would happen if OP was delayed one evening or had to go and visit her sick parent? Would their child go without under the care of her own Dad? 😩

If you go out in the afternoon, can you just make bigger lunch portion so there is enough for her dinner?
I love cooking but would be pissed to do so on my only take away day when child could obviously have lunch leftovers for dinnetlr.
Or I' just feed some grilled cheese or toast and call it a day.

Team knob. To help him, since he clearly needs to get practice and build his confidence, I'd suggest he make her tea every night for the next week.

He's her DAD after all.

No, he resents his OH having one evening a fortnight to herself and is trying to force her to do all the wifework even when she's not at home.

The only thing I can't get my head around on this post is a six year old getting homework at the weekend but yes OP that would drive me mad as well

Quite.