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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just get up and go out?

969 replies

wherethewildrosesgrow · 16/03/2025 09:50

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

OP posts:
TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 17/03/2025 06:47

Happy birthday!

LateMumma · 17/03/2025 06:48

Happy birthday! Welcome to the 50 club!

Veryverycalmnow · 17/03/2025 06:51

Happy birthday. I hope you have a great day whatever happens.

TickTickTock · 17/03/2025 06:58

Happy birthday OP. I hope your day is so much better than you imagine xx

HoldingThePoisonDown · 17/03/2025 06:58

Happy Birthday 🎂
I hope the day is better than you imagined.

greengreyblue · 17/03/2025 07:00

Happy birthday op! I really hope he’s trying to throw you off scent . If he’s not then I do t blame you for getting ahead of the curve and planning g your own nice day. If he really has talked this birthday up and then left it all so late, I’d be so upset too.

LillyPJ · 17/03/2025 07:01

Go out and make it a really special day by yourself. Do whatever you like, buy yourself a gift, go somewhere you've never been, treat yourself to fish and chips on the beach or afternoon tea in a swanky tea room, and go home feeling happy. Even if you have to pay for it yourself, you will have had a great day. Then later you can calmly tell him what you think of his thoughtlessness and what you expect next birthday.

Whatwouldnanado · 17/03/2025 07:02

Wishing you a very happy birthday💐
You sound lovely. I hope the sun is shining wherever you are. Wear your new outfit for dinner with the children and have a wonderful day doing whatever you like. Spend time in a coffee shop booking that river cruise for the weekend.

CornishTiger · 17/03/2025 07:03

Happy 50th!

Go out and do something for you.

National lottery has some free days out this week. You just need to show a ticket. See what’s local and enjoy them. Use the time to think about what’s important to you.

www.lotterygoodcauses.org.uk/open-week

Rowgtfc72 · 17/03/2025 07:04

Happy birthday!
Whatever happens today, do something to make ' you' happy!
Have a lovely day tomorrow.

TrustTheProcess · 17/03/2025 07:05

Happy Birthday 🥳 😊 xxx

wherethewildrosesgrow · 17/03/2025 07:05

Morning,
Everyone else is still asleep, last night I booked myself a spot in a well know pottery art studio, as I don’t think I want to just wait around and see if he has any plans, then feel totally lost when nothing happens, so if all else fails, I’ll put on my new dress and I’ll paint those iconic dots in style.
Its just over an hours drive from me, so that will be the day done.
Ironically there was just one space available, so I see that as a bit of a sign.
I think he knows he’s fucked up on the gift part, he said I was hoping to purchase the binoculars on Saturday, so I’d got something to open on my birthday, I replied, not in this day and age, everything is online, if you wanted something like that, you should’ve ordered a couple of weeks ago, he knows this, we’ve talked about the lack of stuff on the shelves lots of times.
He said he’d go shopping in the morning, I’ve told him not to bother, one reason being that we live rurally, it’s a 40 min journey to the nearest ‘big’ town, so half the day would be gone, and just…no…. because I’d end up with ‘the Anthony Worral Thompson salt pig’, and that’s just an embarrassment, and I’d rather have something bought with thought.
He offered to buy me expensive jewellery!!
I said no thank you, that’s not what I want.
Its not about money.
I really don’t think there’s any bluff going on here at all.
A really heartfelt thanks to all that have wished me happy birthday, I’m officially 50.

OP posts:
GoldGuide · 17/03/2025 07:06

Happy Birthday 🎂! Hope you get a chance to spoil yourself today because you deserve a lovely time on your special day!

Unsureurchin · 17/03/2025 07:09

Happy 50th birthday to you @wherethewildrosesgrow

May this year be the one where you lose the useless baggage, you're clearly a very kind and thoughtful person and deserve to be spoilt rotten.

TwentyTwentyFive · 17/03/2025 07:10

Enjoy the art studio and make sure you spoil yourself with cake and buy the binoculars because you bloody well deserve them.

Then ditch the useless lump, he's an unkind lying idiot who is adding nothing to your life other than disappointment.

Showerflowers · 17/03/2025 07:10

Happy 50th

90yomakeuproom · 17/03/2025 07:11

OP are you going to Emma B?! If so you'll have a great time!

90yomakeuproom · 17/03/2025 07:12

And happy birthday 🎈

Blackbird84 · 17/03/2025 07:12

Happy birthday!

CharityShopMensGlasses · 17/03/2025 07:15

Happy birthday! Have a wonderful time at the workshop xx

Goinggonegone · 17/03/2025 07:16

Happy Birthday! Have a great time at the pottery studio.

ShinyClouds · 17/03/2025 07:16

Happy Birthday! And enjoy your painting. Sounds great.

NaomhPadraigin · 17/03/2025 07:17

Happy 50th birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow 🥳🎂🥂
It's terrible after all his talk that he's done nothing! Enjoy your day at pottery class, sounds lovely 😍

By the way "Anthony Worrall Thompson Salt Pig" made my chuckle 😆 what about an epilady?

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 17/03/2025 07:18

Happy 50th birthday to you.

See if he manages to do something and then re evaluate.

enjoy your pottery class.

TokyoSushi · 17/03/2025 07:19

Happy Birthday OP! Have a lovely day!