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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just get up and go out?

969 replies

wherethewildrosesgrow · 16/03/2025 09:50

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 16/03/2025 22:30

I think you need to hold fire for now op and wait and see what tomorrow brings.

Hopefully you'll have a lovely day and he'll surprise you. If he doesn't then that's not what I'd expect from a relationship, certainly not only 4 years in and not living together. There should still be effort and a bit of romance there and it doesn't need to be over the top. I would be voicing my concerns very clearly.

Tbry24 · 16/03/2025 23:04

Happy 50th for tomorrow, take yourself out somewhere nice by yourself.

i turned 50 last year and that birthday and my 49th were just terrible. Extended family ruined both and everything I asked to do was ignored. I also thought my best friend was going to see me but it never happened. I ended up in floods of tears on my 50th as I’m in a really difficult family set up as my family are all LC or NC with me and yes my DP made an effort but it wasn’t what I had asked to do.

I still have things on my little list of things to do when I’m 50 that I’m doing in stages, some I will now hopefully do when I’m 51.

the only things I wanted there’s to be included in were I asked my adult DC to take me out somewhere just for once and a couple of special days out with my DP.

Empress13 · 16/03/2025 23:06

How do you know know he hasn’t planned anything?

Confusedmeanderings · 16/03/2025 23:13

OP if nothing appears on your birthday, go for it! Take yourself out minus DP and have a great time doing the things you wanted to do.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 16/03/2025 23:17

Think I’d be jumping on a flight somewhere lovely for next weekend if it were me.

CheesePlantBoxes · 16/03/2025 23:25

Do you not feel confident enough to say something to him?

Like: I'm so excited for tomorrow. You've made such a fuss about making it special and I'm really looking forward to it.

Followed by this if needed: I'm really annoyed that you didn't make the effort last year and have made such a fuss throughout the year about making me feel special this year and you just haven't done a thing. Youve had 12 months and youve bigged yourself up but it's all words and there's no action. Why not?

ShinyClouds · 16/03/2025 23:27

why don’t you fly off somewhere for the night? There’s groups on Facebook for extreme day trips (overnights permitted!)

Scarydinosaurs · 16/03/2025 23:33

Do something wonderful and indulgent tomorrow. You’ve got a day to yourself, and you’re 50! That’s a huge thing to celebrate. Enjoy your own company because you’re brilliant by yourself and enjoy the independence.

Allow yourself to feel upset today, but tomorrow should be purely about you - no space for sadness.

CandidHedgehog · 17/03/2025 05:24

Empress13 · 16/03/2025 23:06

How do you know know he hasn’t planned anything?

She asked him and he said so (post at 20.04 yesterday)

Unless it’s a pretence to increase the surprise, of course but even if it is, he’s deliberately upset her by pretending not to have arranged anything which doesn’t say much for his character.

Champagneandpringles24 · 17/03/2025 05:36

Happy birthday 🥳

TattyPhoenix · 17/03/2025 05:58

Whatever happens, happy birthday 🎈

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 17/03/2025 06:03

Happy Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow I hope you manage to have a lovely day. I wish that I could send you these in real life
💐🎂🍾⛴️ 🩷

CandidHedgehog · 17/03/2025 06:13

Happy Birthday.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 17/03/2025 06:14

Happy 50th birthday, @wherethewildrosesgrow!

💐🎂🥂🍾

Applesandpears23 · 17/03/2025 06:22

Happy Birthday!

DorothyStorm · 17/03/2025 06:23

Lavender14 · 16/03/2025 22:30

I think you need to hold fire for now op and wait and see what tomorrow brings.

Hopefully you'll have a lovely day and he'll surprise you. If he doesn't then that's not what I'd expect from a relationship, certainly not only 4 years in and not living together. There should still be effort and a bit of romance there and it doesn't need to be over the top. I would be voicing my concerns very clearly.

I agree with this. Look at what he does, not what he says.

happy birthday!

beasmithwentworth · 17/03/2025 06:28

Happy big birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow 🎂. I hope you have a great day whatever you do x

Pootlemcsmootle · 17/03/2025 06:33

Happy birthday!! Plan something lovely for yourself, really lovely.

If he couldn't be arsed, genuinely, to do anything, I would not bother with this relationship.

See what he's done for you, you could be surprised! If he hasn't done anything make sure he knows how upset you are....and then majorly treat yourself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/03/2025 06:37

Happy birthday. I hope you have a good day!

PoorLion · 17/03/2025 06:39

Happy Birthday!

travelforthesoul · 17/03/2025 06:39

Happy 50th! I hope you wake up to lovely surprises and feel very special, sounds like it is well deserved.

If this person does not have anything planned then I wouldnt be happy. It shows lack of respect, value and love. Actions, its all about actions.

Weenurse · 17/03/2025 06:40

Happy birthday 🎂

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 06:41

Happy birthday! Whether he does it or you do it, you deserve some spoiling today xx

Justsayit123 · 17/03/2025 06:44

Happy birthday! If he doesn’t do anything, just get up and go out alone. What is the point of him if he can’t do something basic for you?

Magnoliasunrise · 17/03/2025 06:46

Happy Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow 🎂

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