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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just get up and go out?

969 replies

wherethewildrosesgrow · 16/03/2025 09:50

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

OP posts:
Wish44 · 17/03/2025 07:24

Happy Birthday!🥳

GenerousGardener · 17/03/2025 07:24

Happy Birthday. Have a brilliant day.

crumblingschools · 17/03/2025 07:24

Happy Birthday 🎂

BrightOrangeDahlias · 17/03/2025 07:24

Happy Birthday, OP. Have a lovely time at your pottery session, if it's where I think it is I've heard it's really good. And afterwards, how about treating yourself to a little walk and a tea and cake (at Trentham Gardens maybe?) ☕️🎂

FortyElephants · 17/03/2025 07:25

Happy birthday. I'm sorry he's been such a let down. Does he know you're going out without him? This is so unkind of him. Try to have a lovely day regardless 🌷

EveryOtherNameTaken · 17/03/2025 07:27

Happy Birthday! 🎂

Hope you have a wonderful day and well done for treating yourself rather than hoping he would.

Globules · 17/03/2025 07:28
Celebrate Birthday Party GIF by Bombay Softwares

Happiest of happy birthdays! 50 is a great age to be. You know what you want and have the self confidence to call out awful partner behaviour. And what he's done is awful.

Well done you on finding that pottery class. Enjoy the zen time painting and chilling.

Time to celebrate you.

Bookloveruk · 17/03/2025 07:33

Happy birthday. Hope you have a lovely day

Chocdown · 17/03/2025 07:35

Happy Birthday Wild Roses!

I hope you have a lovely day at your pottery class.

If it were me, I would let my partner know how much this had hurt me. If he’s a decent partner and just messed up, I think you should agree a do-over. He should arrange childcare at the weekend and you should get the whole day or weekend being celebrated and made to feel special. Because you deserve it and should accept no less 💐

dointhebestwecan · 17/03/2025 07:35

Happy Birthday!

user1498193554 · 17/03/2025 07:36

Happy 50th! Enjoy pottery! Virtual hugs 🥰

CelRa · 17/03/2025 07:36

I would never get into a situation where I was waiting for a year for anyone to surprise me, or for me to surprise anyone else.

What a huge pressure with a massive chance of failure.

I would have talked with him before now about what ‘we’ might plan for my/his birthday and planned something together safe in the knowledge of a really good day.

Have a good day with your own plans. Happy Birthday.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 17/03/2025 07:36

Happy 50th! Enjoy your day, take the kids out tonight and have a lovely day with your sister tomorrow.
And get rid of the arsehole.

Ghostofallnightmares · 17/03/2025 07:36

Happy birthday 🎁 🎂 🎁
What a dick!
Enjoy yourself today- sounds a lovely day.
After that decide if you can accept this in a relationship.

babasaclover · 17/03/2025 07:37

@wherethewildrosesgrowgood morning to you and a very happy sunny birthday to you.

just wanted to say i wish I’d left early days as every birthday is a disappointment, so is Mother’s Day etc just lack of thought and then somehow making it my fault I’m upset. We had 10 years of ivf miscarriages etc to have our daughter and I spent the first 4 Mother’s Day in tears cause he didn’t bother doing anything or booking anywhere it’s just the worst of the worst.

he keeps buying my chocolates with my child eats. I actually send to him valentines please stop buying me chocolate and he said why you love chocolate. In over 20 years together I literally eat one small bar on day 1 of my period. It’s so frustrating. I don’t want my daughter growing up expecting the same from her future husband!

cant bring myself to buy him shit gifts though it’s just not in me. I have however stopped. Using cards at all for anyone and defo don’t buy his family presents now. Told them too that I’ve got too much on and it’s down to him

Birdseyetrifle · 17/03/2025 07:37

Happy 50th birthday and enjoy your day. Your partner is an arsehole, I would never bother buying him any gifts or putting any thought into anything again for him. Selfish prick!

Yerblues · 17/03/2025 07:38

Hope you have a lovely day. Treat yourself to a nice lunch at said studio and stock up on some nice pottery pieces. Men are useless sometimes. X

LoudSnoringDog · 17/03/2025 07:38

Happy birthday to you x go and enjoy the pottery away from this selfish inconsiderate man x

Alwaysinamood · 17/03/2025 07:38

Happy 50th Birthday!

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 17/03/2025 07:38

Happy happy birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow I was 50 too on the weekend and your post about having such a thoughtless partner has made me so angry on your behalf. Don't let that mar your half century which is - as I realised - A Big Deal!
Good on you for getting something sorted so you celebrate properly. Have a super day.

LemonDuck223 · 17/03/2025 07:39

Happy birthday OP. Have a lovely time painting.
If he's a good partner I would sit down and tell him how upset you are.
If he's not the best and this isn't the first mishap then I would reconsider the relationship. Life is too short to waste precious time on someone who can't be bothered to make an effect for you

JurgenKloppsTeeth · 17/03/2025 07:39

Happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day at the pottery class.

I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship after today. Even if he does suddenly surprise you with something, it’s cruel to have led you on like this either way. I don’t think I’d want to be with someone who behaves like that.

GoodOnPaper · 17/03/2025 07:40

Happy 50th! 🎂 Enjoy ‘pottering’!

EnjoythemoneyJane · 17/03/2025 07:41

Happy birthday, OP 💐
Have a great day potting in your lovely dress x

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 17/03/2025 07:42

CelRa · 17/03/2025 07:36

I would never get into a situation where I was waiting for a year for anyone to surprise me, or for me to surprise anyone else.

What a huge pressure with a massive chance of failure.

I would have talked with him before now about what ‘we’ might plan for my/his birthday and planned something together safe in the knowledge of a really good day.

Have a good day with your own plans. Happy Birthday.

Edited

This is what we did. My partner's surprise bit was how much they'd saved for my birthday. They told me that, also said what they thought I might like to do, and we planned & booked it together.