Shall I just get up and go out?

[wherethewildrosesgrow]

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

Hope you've given yourself a lovely day 😊 Happy Birthday 🎂 The only way is up for you 💕

See what he has planned and if its a sh1tshow or a no-show yes def f off without the cretin.

I hope you have a lovely birthday in any case.

Happy birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow
Hope you made the most of your day and went out.

I don't understand why he suggested you book a week off and then have done nothing nice with it, especially today.
💐

I genuinely hope he will surprise you but if not then that’s a shame .
go and do your own thing on your birthday

And you are?

This looks like phishing to me.

Of course, go out wherever you please and enjoy it!

But I'll also tell you a secret. Almost always, if I've simply shown up at a restaurant - not wildly trendy one, but even a high-class expensive one - they almost always take me.

The trick is to:
1.Show up early
2.Be nicely dressed
3.Be exquisitely polite and apologetic

I've had some fabulous meals that way, including a magnificent one in London I still remember after all these years!

Have you not read the OP's posts?

Yes I saw it on another post too. It needs to be reported

Done x2.

This isn't being a thoughtless twit on one occasion, though, is it? It's half a year of promises, discussions and plans. Not only that, but OP did all the thinking for him: she proposed a choice of four things she'd like to do, he said great but you deserve more as well, implying nice lunch out, He booked nothing. He asked what gift she'd like and she named a specific pair of binoculars. He didn't get them. He didn't get the gift or even a card.

It's not a short-term lapse of attention; it's a deliberate, concerted, intensive campaign. It's really hard to cast it in any kind of forgiving light: even someone with screaming ADHD would've been able to follow through with the amount of help OP gave him.

I'm so sorry, @wherethewildrosesgrow, you emphatically did deserve what he promised and led you to believe he'd deliver Your posts sounded so bleak and this must have been extra painful, given your recent difficult exit from an abusive marriage.

I really hope you gave yourself a good birthday and will continue to treat yourself as worthy EVERY day, not just once a decade. For what it's worth, you sound like a truly lovely woman!

It’s a lot more than a thoughtless twit. This lack of anything will seem planned as he had ‘plans’ until Christmas to make op’s birthday really special. I don’t think making him suffer for a while is healthier than outright ending things.

Honestly. This would be enough fir me to reconsider this relationship. He doesn't care about you, he really doesn't. happy birthday go for dinner with your sister

This guy isn't the one. You've aren't tied to him, move on. He's basically said everything you wanted to hear and then didn't deliver. Drop him. He has made you feel not worthy by his actions and that simply isn't on. I disagree with the poster who said he was a thoughtless twit. Letting you think you he had something planned when he didnt was cruel. Sonetimes you need to see people for who/what they are and take heed of it.

I hope you have a lovely time with your sister. You deserve to be treated well.

Good! I just decided I'd had enough and that my 50th year was going to be a lot better than my 40s were. For some reason, it's worked! We all deserve to be happy and I think, sometimes, reaching a landmark birthday gives you clarity and determination! I hope your 50th is a good one!

Happy Birthday for yesterday, I hope it ended up being a nice day? I do think you’ve set yourself up for failure though with this one, don’t ever let someone think less of an occasion when it is an occasion and deserves effort, effort is always needed to maintain relationships and you need these times to feel special, he’s been allowed to get away with just putting the minimum in every time to the point he’s making absolutely no effort at all so do kick up a fuss, and make it known what you expect, stop accepting the minimum and if he won’t put in the least amount of effort needed walk away………life is too short

Belated Birthday wishes! I hope that you had a lovely day? What did you end up doing in the end?

I feel your disappointment as I’ve had this several times on birthdays, with different partners sadly. Last year, my ex took my children out 3 days before my birthday to let them select gifts for me… and come my birthday, there was zilch. His excuse? He didn’t know what to get me. We finished. If he didn’t know what to get me after a child and 2.5 years together, he was not the man for me.

I am quite simple and like thoughtful gifts like photo slates etc and so it wasn’t about the money but the lack of thought.

I’m done making everyone else feel special only their birthdays only to be made to feel like shit on mine.

I hope that you had a wonderful day whatever you ended up doing 💕

Happy birthday I hope he's pulled something out of the bag

Happy birthday, you go out and do what you want . This was my situation in February it was a big birthday. I could have literally wrote your post. Divorce almost over. No one made an effort for me including new partner. Again like you I am not spoilt I just wanted someone to do something nice for me, I am a caring person and go out of my way for everyone. Honestly happy birthday I hope you have a wonderful day.

Did he do anything for you then OP?

Op, are you familiar with love languages? might be worth looking at.

I don’t think you are spoilt at all. I’d be really upset if my partner did nothing.

Hope you had a nice day yesterday OP? It would be lovely to hear how you spent your day. I think many of us are hoping that, against all odds, he pulled it out the bag.

if not then hopefully you gave yourself an even better day 🤞🤞🥰.

Either way, know that you were in many of our thoughts yesterday, and as you go forward. ❤️

Happy 50th ❤️

What happened in the end OP?

Happy happy 50th birthday and beyond! ❤️ So many people wishing you the best here!

Whatever happened yesterday, I hope it didn't become all about him and whatever flailing attempts he may or may not have made, and his reaction to your reaction and wah wah, attention on him...

Even if he pulled it out of the bag (which I doubt any of us are expecting), these big birthdays are a great time to go inward and have a really good think about what we want going forward in our lives.

All power to you! 😁

Hope you had a lovely day whatever you did OP.