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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just get up and go out?

969 replies

wherethewildrosesgrow · 16/03/2025 09:50

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 17/03/2025 21:04

Specialberries · 17/03/2025 18:00

So less than 4 years and her boyfriend already living with her three young children? In her house I suspect. And she’s subbing him.

Suggest you read before writing your fantasy post

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:05

Jesus Christmas @wherethewildrosesgrow
If nothing is planned by now then your next move must be to get out. Why is the bar so bloody low after all you've been through?

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 17/03/2025 21:07

Happy birthday OP 🎂 I hope you was able to make it a special day for yourself xx

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 21:09

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:05

Jesus Christmas @wherethewildrosesgrow
If nothing is planned by now then your next move must be to get out. Why is the bar so bloody low after all you've been through?

I just wanted to say that the clear autocorrect in this has made me smile!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:14

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/03/2025 21:09

I just wanted to say that the clear autocorrect in this has made me smile!

It was deliberate on my part. A not-uncommon phrase here. 🇨🇦
I wanted to match the oft-used Christ on a bike 😁

Itiswhysofew · 17/03/2025 21:15

Not even a card😞

Happy birthday 🎂

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:16

Itiswhysofew · 17/03/2025 21:15

Not even a card😞

Happy birthday 🎂

Or a birthday shag? 🫣

(Actually, that would be bloody hilarious if that was his plan!)

HallidayJones6779 · 17/03/2025 21:24

Happy birthday OP. I hope you had a lovely day - even if you had to organise it for yourself! I hope he feels really guilty; I’d be so cross with him. But I do hope you managed to forget about him and enjoy yourself today xxx

Truthlikeness · 17/03/2025 21:29

I hope you had a lovely day today. For a decade birthday you get at least a month's worth of celebrations so this is just the beginning. 😄 For my 50th last year I did lots of smaller things which worked out really well as I had more time to talk to people at the events and got to do a few things I'd always wanted to do.

EmmaM84 · 17/03/2025 21:31

Uurgh I'm really angry for you. Was hoping he had indeed booked a surprise and organised child pickup secretly. Or presented you with plans for a surprise weekend away. Its the hyping up beforehand then nothing. I'd have the major ick now if I were you. Hope you booked a meal without him tonight

HonoraBridge · 17/03/2025 21:33

Happy birthday, OP. I hope you have had a good day despite your boyfriend. He sounds extremely odd. He talked up your birthday and then did absolutely nothing. It’s emotional abuse really.

Zonder · 17/03/2025 21:37

I would be heartbroken to have absolutely nothing done by him for my big birthday, especially after you made an effort for his.

I hope he had a surprise up his sleeve.

Cornflowers35 · 17/03/2025 21:37

Happy Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow

I hope you had a fun day at the pottery studio and you've done something lovely with your DC this evening.

I'm hoping your Dsis and you have the best day tomorrow,

You certainly deserve it, 💐

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 17/03/2025 22:03

Happy birthday, I hope you enjoyed your day regardless 🥳

Horses7 · 17/03/2025 22:04

Happy Birthday, sorry it’s been such a let down.
You are being treated badly and deserve better.

ChaliceinWonderland · 17/03/2025 22:08

Hope he surprised you! Or you had a lovely day by yourself x

Northernbychoice · 17/03/2025 22:19

Happy Birthday, I hope you had a lovely day in the end.

MadCatHag · 17/03/2025 22:22

So sad for you. Being useless at birthdays is one thing but going on and on about how he was going to make it special and then completely failing is verging on abusive, at least provocative. I wouldn't be able to let go of that very easily.

Devianinc · 17/03/2025 22:39

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/03/2025 21:16

Or a birthday shag? 🫣

(Actually, that would be bloody hilarious if that was his plan!)

Ewwww, from someone who doesn’t who doesn’t prioritize her. No thanks

Devianinc · 17/03/2025 22:42

UpsideDownChairs · 17/03/2025 13:57

Happy half-century!!!

See if your sister is would be up for it, or take your children - don't spare him a second thought.

Also, and not to bring you down on your birthday, but watch for how he reacts - when my ex (of 12 years at the time) entirely forgot my 40th, and I casually mentioned that I was 40 now to my little one when we were talking about something related, he got so angry - he felt it was my fault that he'd forgotten my birthday (again - I wasn't even complaining, he already had me so well trained to not even expect the bare minimum), and he didn't speak to me for days.

What a peach. I hope you got rid of that piece of garbage

Keepingthingsinteresting · 17/03/2025 22:44
Happy Birthday GIF by Heather Roberts

Hope you’ve had a lovely day @wherethewildrosesgrow

LookingForwardToSunshine · 17/03/2025 22:46

Happy birthday! I've not the read the full thread, just your updates. Wondered if he might be autistic though? Built it all up too much and couldn't cope with the social pressure he's put on himself, likely knows he's let you down and feels rubbish now but trying to bluff it out? Probably been causing him low level anxiety for months so stuck his head in the sand.

S4uk · 17/03/2025 22:50

Happy birthday!!!!

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 17/03/2025 23:02

Happy Birthday! I truly hope that you gave yourself the birthday that you truly deserve 😊

honeyrider · 17/03/2025 23:08

Happy 50th Birthday OP, hopefully he delivered on his promise.

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