Shall I just get up and go out?

[wherethewildrosesgrow]

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

Did he arrange anything op? Or is he bluffing? Maybe hes arranged a surprise birthday party 🎂

Happy Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow!

Did he not do anything? Did you go to the pottery course? It’d be bad enough if he hadn’t promised anything. But he’s full of BS if he told you he’d make it up to you after last year, asked you not to arrange anything as he wants to make it special and said the ideas you’d suggested weren’t enough. Total BS.

Why should you believe another word he tells you?

Ignore @Specialberries she’s missed the point of the thread entirely and just wants to judge a single mother.

All I will say is ruining special days/ events is a Narcissistic trait.
They get a dopamine kick out of hurting/ upsetting you and then they play the victim if you are upset .
Appalling unforgivable behaviour

Happy Birthday ! 🎂

LTB seriously get rid, he doesnt deserve you

Happy birthday OP!

I hope he pulled something out the bag for you. But if not perhaps your gift to yourself is to be free from this useless man.

Wishing you many happy returns either way 💐

No - he has NOT been simply ‘thoughtless’. He deliberately said he would do something special for her. He asked what she’d like to do , she gave several suggestions. No real thought required, but he still went on and on about about what he was going to do. And then….Nothing. Really? You’d accept someone lying to you like that? Leading her on, LYING. Couldn’t be doing with that. There’s no excuse for it.

I’m so sorry he has let you down so cruelly after promising so much. I hope you managed to have a good day, despite him. Every one deserves to feel loved and special on their birthday, I hope your future ones will be all you could wish for. 💐

Happy birthday OP 🎂 🥳

And well done for loving yourself 🥰

I’d love to k ow how your birthday went.

So from your updates I take it there was. I big surprise. I think that is plain cruel. Getting you to keep the day free just to let you down. Not even a gift. That’s pretty bad.
well Happy Birthday, I hope you managed to make he best of it. I think I would seriously be reconsidering the relationship OP X

Accidentally clicked you ABU. Do take yourself out. Ask a friend if you can. Also tell him what you would like and ask himto arrange for next month since he didnt bother.

I didn't say he had been simply thoughtless, I said he had been incredibly thoughtless.

🙄

Happy birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow - I hope the pottery class was lovely and you've brought home your handiwork. Very sorry your 'D'P led you on then let you down, wishing you a lovely day with your sister tomorrow.

Happy Birthday OP! I hope your pottery class was great.

Honestly, you have kids already… you don’t need another nor false promises, ditch the dead wood.

Actually, it's worse than incredibly thoughtless. It's a deliberate cruel act. A year of promising something to do less than the bare minimum. Making sure she couldn't plan anything special for herself by leading her to believe he was doing something special. It's telling her that her ideas aren't good enough for him to follow through on. At best it's stupidly mean and at worst it's cruel.

Would you tell someone you loved and respected that you were planning something special and repeat this over the course of a year, only to completely ignore the day you were talking about? Why?

I know exactly how you’re feeling it’s naff
happy birthday xx

if this is the case
he’s a sociopath
and I would’t want him in mine and my children’s lives a minute longer

I have read all of OPs posts. This is the case. It's also why people need to RTFT or at least an OPs posts before judging.

So what has he said about your day now thst it’s coming to a close?

🥳 🥂 Happy Birthday 🥳 🥂 @wherethewildrosesgrow

I hope your pottery class was brilliant and you’ve had a lovely evening celebrating with your children.

I’m sorry your partner has been a complete arsehole. You deserve better.

I can see this from his side. You must have really built this up - and I can easily understand why - but you kept giving him options. Mine just cannot cope with options at all. Options result in nothing here too - lickety spit. Options to my chap's ear sound like "she just hasn't made up her mind" and "how the hell can I possibly choose?". So while I completely understand how you feel, both in the run up and now, I can also see it from his perspective. Tell him now what you want to do and to receive - it isn't too late to save this - and you can have your day and a great story for the future. And remember, options sound like "she doesn't yet know what the hell she wants" to some ears.... Don't bin him over this one transgression, not unless there is a lot else you're not happy with.

Bit late - there's only 4 and a bit hours of her birthday left.

FFS he’s an adult and can pick one of the options.

If I give mine too many options and he worries he can't pick the right one, he'll ask me to narrow it down for him. Because he's an adult and can communicate with me.

He told her he was going to do something special. He built it up, over a long period. He also told her that none of her options were good enough.

This isn't a case of a woman having too high expectations of a man. This is a man building expectations and failing to follow through on his own words.

Not so hot with the reading and understanding huh? 🫢