Shall I just get up and go out?

[wherethewildrosesgrow]

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

Happy Birthday OP.. Hope you are enjoying your day and your art class.

I agree with the other pps who said... sort out something nice with your important people and DC..

I think if someone hasn't stepped up to the plate in the past, and you've given them every opportunity and put in an effort for them.... then they have no business leaving you on tenterhooks wondering if they are going to go ahead with something, wondering if they havent bothered or if there is a surprise.
That kind of behaviour invalidates any kind of "surprise" because they've already put you through a lot of distress.

Plus telling you not to make your own plans???

Another one wishing you a Happy Birthday! Enjoy your day at the pottery, and enjoy your day with your sister tomorrow - everything else can be dealt with after x

Do not book him a seat. It will ruin your birthday meal as you’ll just be looking at him wondering why the hell he didn’t book the restaurant.

He’s shown you who he is really and what he thinks of you. You deserve better.

Happy birthday, WTWRG 🎉🎉🎉

I hope you have a lovely day and you paint the queen of all pots. Take the kids out to dinner, or a nice walk, or similar. Sometimes they’re the best medicine ❤️

Happy birthday! 🎂 🥳 🎉 Honestly this happened to me, I was continually disappointed by my husband's lack of efforts. Last year I ignored his promises, and booked myself a massage, and bought a fancy chocolate gnache cake. I loved it! Go and do what you want to do x

I feel your frustration and disappointment but we'll done for taking the initiative yourself. Hope you have a fabulous time at the pottery. Happy Birthday.💐

Happy birthday, hope you are having a great day out!

I get where you are coming from. It’s not about what you “get” for your birthday, but the thought and effort that was made. My DP can be really thoughtful at times but for some reason on my birthday he doesn’t bother. I once got supermarket mugs as a birthday gift.

On my 50th we had weekend away. He paid for it but I did all the researching/booking. I remember posting on here to say how disappointed I was not to have received any gift to open on the day. I got flamed because I’d had the weekend away but it wasn’t about that, it was something that he had actually done himself for my birthday, rather than just having given me his credit card. The following weekend we went out for dinner with my friends. I dressed up a bit and he turned up in a really old T-shirt, no effort. That’s what it’s about. Demonstration of effort.

Perhaps after your birthday you can reflect on whether you want to continue the relationship with him.

I hope you have the best time at your pottery class.

Enjoy your birthday!

Happy birthday OP!

I hope you’re having a lovely day at pottery class and enjoy a meal with just your children tonight x

Happy birthday OP and enjoy your pottery class.

I would not be continuing the relationship. Men like this never change, or if they do, it’s for another woman who they for some reason value more.

Give yourself a 50th birthday present and ditch the dead weight and enjoy being single or find someone better.

Happy 50th birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow 😃

I am sorry your DP is a useless lump of lard. I mean seriously, he could even have just booked a trip to the fucking zoo. How uncaring and mean.

Question is, do you want to spend (potentially) the next 30-40 years like this? With someone who seemingly gives zero shits about you?

What does this man actually bring to your life?

I hope you’re having a nice day, op. My family didn’t do anything for my 50th, my dh included. I read them the riot act a few days later. They did their best to make up for it. I think they learned a lesson. The whole thing was sad. Xxx

What low expectations people have if they think you’re being childish for expecting a birthday present from your partner!

Besides, it goes beyond that: he made promises for the day that he has reneged on, so beyond the lack of love and appreciation he’s shown you, he’s also showing you he’s unreliable.

You sound incredibly strong, so hope you are able to go out and enjoy the day. Let your sister know and ramp up the plans for Tuesday with her if you’re able?

Happy birthday, and well done for recognising your own value 💐

Happy 50th Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow

i am sorry you’ve been let down. I hope you have a lovely evening with your DC.

if he has something planned as a surprise then he should tell you as it’s spoiling your day! If he doesn’t then he’s prob not work any more of your time xx

Happy 50th from the Big Apple, @wherethewildrosesgrow

🎉

Happy Birthday 🎂 @wherethewildrosesgrow

Happy half-century!!!

See if your sister is would be up for it, or take your children - don't spare him a second thought.

Also, and not to bring you down on your birthday, but watch for how he reacts - when my ex (of 12 years at the time) entirely forgot my 40th, and I casually mentioned that I was 40 now to my little one when we were talking about something related, he got so angry - he felt it was my fault that he'd forgotten my birthday (again - I wasn't even complaining, he already had me so well trained to not even expect the bare minimum), and he didn't speak to me for days.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I am really glad you have booked the pottery class. I hope you have a lovely time. Sounds like you deserve a bit of 'me' time with everything you had to deal with last year.

I too have a DH who is rubbish at organising anything for big events - card / present. He's just shite. For my 50th, I will probably have to do something similar to you.

Happy 30th!!! (Oh yes, 50 is the new 30!) I’d go to a restaurant or a nice pub with the children (depending on ages) or get a premium ready meal if you can get to a town with M&S/Waitrose, but actually premium ranges at ASDA/Sainsbury’s/Tesco are great too. And I’d get myself flowers as well. I have to say I prefer supermarket flowers myself rather than florists, even for big (and small) birthdays. And champagne maybe? I haven’t had red champagne for ages! Or pink? Or normal? 🎂 🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾

Happy 50th Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow 💐

So sorry your DP is pathetically thoughtless, it’s shit when you don’t feel considered or worth the effort. Decide what’s best for you and go for it. Weed out the takers in life. Shine in your lovely dress and shoes and I hope you have a fab time at the pottery painting up a storm and enjoy your family meal (-/+ ‘D’P) xx

Happy Birthday OP. I hope you have a nice day and that he does have something special planned. But if not, have a good think if this is what you want. Someone that disappoints you isn't the one.

Happy Birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow , I hope you do have a really lovely day 💐

Tomorrow though, I would seriously consider your relationship. He has known for a long time that your birthday is coming, and made many promises.

He has shown you no love or respect today. That's not a partner. You don't even live together yet, and this is how he treats you?

He's showing you that you are not on his list of priorities, and frankly, you deserve much better. You have just got out of a bad marriage, and are probably still emotionally vulnerable. Don't be too quick to saddle yourself with another man who treats you badly.

I've been in your position, and can tell you that if you stay with him, it absolutely won't get any better. He will continue to do the bare minimum he thinks he can get away with, you will be the one putting in all the time and effort, and eventually you will leave anyway.

I would exit this relationship as swiftly as possible, no need for an argument, just tell him it's not working for you. Focus on yourself, and building your life how you want it. You are absolutely right not to put up with this crap. Stay strong, you really don't need him.

If he hasn’t booked/planned anything I wouldn’t include him no

Happy Birthday, hope you’re having a nice day! Take the kids out this evening & just do something you’d like to do!

First of all, wishing you a very happy 50th birthday (in spire of your OH’s failure to do anything to mark the day).

I would be spending the day doing what makes me happy, and I’d definitely not be inviting him to join you.

I do think you need to have a serious conversation with him (maybe not today) and explain how all this has made you feel. Remind him of all the times he’s talked about how he is going to make your 50th special, off all the occasions you’ve given him ideas about things you could do together, gifts you might like. Tell him his failure to put his words into action make you feel undervalued, let down, sad, ignored.

Id be telling him this isn’t about spending ££££ or having a big splashy day, it’s about having your supposed partner care for you and about you, listening to you and hearing what matters to you, and showing you that you’re important to him.

I would also be emphasising that he has had plenty of time to arrange a gift / outing, no matter how low key. After all, he has known it’s your birthday for a long time!