Shall I just get up and go out?

[wherethewildrosesgrow]

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

I just want to wish you the best birthday Op, make the most of your day xxx

Yes - totally agree.
confront him - tell him you’re really disappointed then do your thing to make your day special x

Happy birthday xxx

His plan for today could be to pick up his toothbrush & any other bits left at the OP's and get the fuck out of her house & leave her alone to find a less disappointing sad excuse for a "partner".

Hugs to you OP, I always make a fuss of big birthdays for my husband with a commissioned cake, break away, etc. I said I'd like the same for my 50th.

He managed a couple of presents and not to fly out the door for a card in the morning as he'd actually bought one a few days before. That was it.

So now every year for my birthday since I make sure we're away on a nice, pricey holiday that me and my daughter love. He does too and he gets to come, but with much extra dog walking for him. 🐕

Try and enjoy today, do things that make you smile. Next year plan whatever the fuck you want. And ditch him if that's what you want too.

Happy Birthday and enjoy your pottery.

i really hope for your sake he hasn’t been a massive fuckwit but if he has know your worth

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP! You can't possibly be 50!
Treat your lovely self....💐🎈🥳

Don't allow him to draw you into an argument.

Happy birthday! It's also my Big Birthday this year and I'd be really upset if nothing was happening for it (it is - because I've organised it myself!). Have a lovely day, book yourself in to get nails done and have a glass of Prosecco and go out for dinner later with friends/kids/whoever. Not partner though. He can go f* himself. But don't think about him now - just enjoy your special day.

Happy birthday! I hope the pottery thing is fun. Id love to try something like that.
I hope he has done something for you though for when you get home. X

This thread has made me so sad for you @wherethewildrosesgrow HappyBirthday and hope your own plans are fun.

my life is tough at the moment (multiple bereavements and v alone) but honestly I read this and think I am so much better off being single and alone - because there is something so crushing and stabbingly painful about this kind of rejection - which it is @wherethewildrosesgrow . although it might look like 'being let down' its a form of rejection.

It's a special day for you and instead of getting what should be a MAJOR benefit of being in a relationship (effort taken with your feelings, being made to feel loved and cared for and actually being loved and cared for) you have the worse of it - hopes raised then dashed and crushed. It's worse than if he'd not even mentioned it.

I am so so sad for you and can't understand why he would behave like this. Like I said, I am very very down right now but at least I don't have this kind of pain to deal with - which is a special kind of pain as it is so sharp and stabbing and gets you in your vulnerabiltiy.

Welcome to 50, @wherethewildrosesgrow and many happy returns!
My DH isn’t great at thinking/planning ahead — I ended up having my 50th birthday lunch at my mum’s care home because DH had failed to book anything. Likewise, he didn’t order my birthday present until after the day had passed.
But I’ve come to accept that’s him, and he can be thoughtful in other ways.
I’m sorry your DP has been rubbish in this regard; it’s particularly bad in his case, I think, because he talked the talk so much beforehand (my DH wouldn’t get my hopes up like that at least). It does sound as though he’s realised he’s messed up, so I hope you enjoy your day and he finds a way to make it up to you. X

Apologies that I didn’t say this in my earlier post:

Happy birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow , you are fabulous and I wish you the most unexpectedly wonderful day and week to come.

Happy Birthday OP...enjoy your day at EB and hope you'll be treating to yourself to something.

I hope your birthday is going really well, and continues to be great @wherethewildrosesgrow
I like a previous posters' suggestion of continuing to celebrate throughout the month so you have a bank of good memories to draw on.
Also looking forward to seeing your pottery, I hope you have a lovely evening with your kids and a marvellous day tomorrow with your sister

That's so shit of him. I'm sorry 😞 happy birthday and I hope you spend the day pleasing yourself and having a lovely time!

Happy birthday 🌟💐🎊🎉

It's also my son's birthday today he's 10. Go out with your children for the evening to a restaurant of your choice leave him behind to think about what he has done.

Very happy birthday hugs from another stranger xxxx. If you can, in a day or two, tell him very calmly how this has made you feel - you deserve to know you are valued and cared for but his inability to spend a couple of hours booking/buying something has made you feel the opposite.

Happy birthday OP! Your best present to yourself is to put yourself first and not settle settle for someone who is big on talk and little on action. There’s no way I would include him in the birthday plans I’d had to make for myself because he’s too useless to organise anything.

Hope you have a fabulous day and the next chapter of your life has YOUR happiness front and centre for whoever you are sharing it with!

Happy Birthday.

I had a big birthday last Friday and was spoilt rotten by my friends and my mum. I did not, however, even get a text off my casual guy, despite me helping him out wherever I could over the past 4 years we've been seeing each other. I appreciate he's in a bad time of life at the moment, but he's all take, take, take, take.

Even my long term ex spoilt me. That made my birthday tbf. He couldn't have done anything more for me.

So ditch your loser and go out and have a great time with those who aporeciate you!

I wouldn't invite him to dinner, OP. Have a lovely family meal with your children and (hopefully) sister. If you invite him, it'll feel hollow anyway and will give him a get out of jail free card ("but we did something") and lessen the impact of his actions. If he wants to rectify this, tell him that you'd like to celebrate next weekend once he's had a chance to plan something for you himself.

(I speak from experience... my DH didn't celebrate my birthday for a whole 2 weeks last year and I made it clear that it was on him to sort it. This year, he made an effort for the right date).

Being single, one of the things I miss is having someone to celebrate life's occasions with. He hasn't forgotten, he's discussed it over and over and has then DONE NOTHING. That's cruel. I hope you enjoy your day and have a lovely time as much as you can. Whatever he does now is irrelevant, he's let you down and ruined your big day to an extent. It's not about money but about care. You can make someone's day extra special by making breakfast in bed or numerous other things that don't cost money. Personally I'd be having a rethink of the relationship, not sure it would be enough to just tell him how upset it's made you. He's a grown arsed man, he might care, but just not enough.

Happy 50th Birthday! I hope you have a lovely time at the pottery. Go out for dinner with your children, don't take him out. Enjoy your children. You'll have a lovely time with your sister tomorrow. X

Hell would freeze over before I booked anything for him. If I book it, he’s not included.

and it is not embarrassing or whatever the word you used to tell him how he’s made you feel- bigging it up, having you book the week off, telling you you deserve it, now you tell him I dont want to see you today. You’ve been telling me to get something nice to wear, that I deserve it, and I’m left feeling like I’ve been stood up at the restaurant, and a big fat hairy nothing is all you really feel I deserve. I deserve more than a man who’d do that to someone they love or even only care for, so I need to not see you today, I’m going to try and have fun with people who care and if I’d known you were doing fuck all they’d be here for me with plans today. So thanks for fucking that up too.

I'm so sorry you're having a disappointing time, after all you've been through over the past few years. I'd be equally gutted. I don't care if he isn't fussed over birthdays, this is a biggie and he had lots of warning and is still being useless. I would rather go out with sister than him to a restaurant if the kids can be self sufficient or take them too!

Poor show from your DP. I would book what you want to do and go without him. I hope you are also seriously reconsidering this relationship. Happy birthday.