Shall I just get up and go out?

[wherethewildrosesgrow]

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

Have a lovely time at your pottery painting.

I wouldn't include him in your booking. You will be so resentful and disappointed looking at him over your dinner it will spoil the whole thing and let him off for the pigs ear he has made of your birthday.

Not even a card? Shocking!

Happy birthday. If he seriously hasn’t done something thoughtful for you I would seriously dump him. Not because of the lack of moneyed gifts but the appalling lack of care.

I think it's even worse when you don't live together (I'm in a LAT relationship too), as you rely on things like these even more, to feel connected, important and valued in your relationship.

I'm so sorry he's been so thoughtless and shit. I feel really hurt on your behalf! It's everything all added up together, too - to have not sorted the binoculars, suprises for this morning, a nice breakfast, booked the restaurant. And that's all besides not arranging anything for today, and batting it all to you at the last minute as if he's being thoughtful asking what you want, dispensing you to get your nails done! 😠

I'm very glad you've booked the pottery and hope you manage to have a nice day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. This is your decade 🌻

PS - agree with telling him straight how absolutely guttted you are and beyond disappointed in him. Not that you should need to. Literally just a sentence whether face to face or by text to say he has disappointed and hurt you so massively is all the energy you should give him.

I think it's too many expectations on someone else for your own birthday. Book what will make you happy, and do include him on the restaurant and have a lovely night... don't let it spoil YOUR day!
Happy 50th!
Edited for typo

He has positively sabotaged your big birthday. By repeatedly promising something special, he has prevented you from making your own happy plans with your family.

You asked him what he had planned for your birthday. And you now know that, even after all his promising words to the contrary, and all your suggestions of what would be nice, he planned nothing at all, not even a card.

You owe him nothing more OP. No explanation, no chance to listen to any more bullshit, no trust in him, no hope for a future with him, no benefit of your generous spirit, no belief in him as a person of importance in your life whatsoever.

I would pick the children up from school and go straight out to a nice meal with them.
Never rely on him again for anything. His words mean nothing to you now. He has let you down spectacularly.
He doesn't deserve to be at your table tonight or tomorrow or any time in your future.
Give yourself the birthday gift of realising that.

Enjoy your pottery class and meal tonight OP.
Determine that this is the last time he’s ever allowed to let you down.
Best wishes for the new year and new decade ahead.

I was going to make a similar point, but you've made it more succinctly than I would have.

He's a bullshitter. OP, please don't go to dinner with him. He will spend the whole meal gaslighting you about what he would have done/will do/how it's all your fault his fictional plans didn't pan out. Then he'll be triumphant in front of others for "organising" a special dinner for you, and that's what you'll hear going forward, and you'll be seething inside every time he says it. You deserve so much more than this. A meal on your own, savouring the lovely food and making a memory for yourself, will be far better than the company of this man.

Oh and a pottery day sounds awesome! Channel all your disappointment into your creativity, and use it as a mindfulness exercise to relax and think about all the good things in your life (not him). I hope you enjoy every minute! Happy Birthday!!

Happy birthday for last week. You deserve so much better too .

DH wouldn't be quite so "D" if that's how he treated me. Don't let him treat you so poorly. You deserve more than supermarket roses, unless what makes you happiest is supermarket roses.

Effort doesn't have to be money. It can be time and thought. And that means much more.

Happy Birthday Op, and although sad let this be the year that starts the rest of your life either on your own or with a partner who learned from his thoughtlessness.

Dont book him a seat for dinner. Just have a lovely day at the pottery studio before picking the children up and going out for a meal. In fact if you could collect them from school and only go home after dinner then all the better.

All the very best to you op 💐

Happy birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow
I hope you have a fab day at the pottery studio and that your partner books a family restaurant for this evening for you all.

Happy 50th birthday!
I'm sorry he hasn't stepped up because that really is shit, especially after the effort you made for his special birthday.
Take the kids to the restaurant if you can and no, don't bloody book a space for him!
Enjoy your pottery 🎉🥳🎁🥂

Have you moved this loser in?

Do you want him there tonight?

He's probably going to ruin it if he's there because there's no excuse for his inaction especially after all his big talk.

I can see him trying to twist things especially you not inviting him tonight but I can't see how he's got a leg to stand on.

I'd find your anger.
Do your pottery taday.
Pick the kids up and take them and yourself for a nice celebration dinner. Leave him completely out of it.
He deserves to feel.how much he's hurt you.
Nice day out with your sister tomorrow.
Then a long ( or short) chat with him.on Wed.

Thank you for the 'Anthony Worrell salt pig' reference.
Edited to add: Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday! Unless this is all part of an elaborate (and cruel and unfunny) joke that you think he's not bothered and actually, he's going to surprise you once the kids are at school, this is rotten on his part.

He has had all year to make plans to deliver on his promise, especially given how tough things have been for you. And, if he's not done a thing, despite booking time off and promising the world, then that's because he's chosen not to, and he's showing you who he is and what he values. You deserve so much more.

Nope don't book him a place. Happy birthday and may your 50s not be spent dealing with mediocre men.

Id love to see your pottery later, post us all a pic 😁

Happy 50th Birthday!!!

Sorry your DP has been like this, hope you have a lovely day out anyway, men can be so thoughtless at times.

I would probably end up cancelling plans for dinner. I couldn't have him there because I'd be seething and it would be a complete waste of money. And I couldn't not invite him because then the children would feel very stuck in the middle of what is a very obvious (even if well-deserved) fuck you to my husband and I wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable and sad. I'd have a delicious lunch after pottery and on the way to school pick up buy myself a really lovely bottle of wine and a birthday cake.

He's a useless lump and you have every right to feel so disappointed. It doesn't matter whether it's a birthday or anything else, it's important to you, he knew that and he fucked it up.

Enjoy the pottery and your birthday meal, whatever you decide to do. Happy birthday

@wherethewildrosesgrow Please don’t book him a space he really doesn’t deserve it.
If you wait on a man you will be disappointed and you are , its not nice . You are now making your plans put him to the back of your mind .

Happy birthday OP, can't wait to see your pottery!
Don't invite him to dinner, you'll just be bitter the entire meal and as PP have said, he'll pretend it was his plan all along, that he arranged it all and take the credit. Sound like you deserve a lovely birthday with your children.
All the best moving forward this year (onwards and upwards, without any twats!).

Happy birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow 🎉❤️👑 enjoy your pottery and a nice meal out with your children ❤️ and promise yourself you'll do the list of things you gave him for yourself over the course of the year.

Happy Birthday OP x

They're not married and they don't live together, so she can definitely do something fun with her kids later.