To take away dd(13)s en-suite?

[thatsfunnybecause]

Dd(13) has bedroom with an ensuite, 3 year old is at the moment in a tiny room that basically just fits a bed and wardrobe.

We want to combine dd’s en-suite and DH’s office to make decent size bedroom for 3 year old.

Up until dd(13) was 11 and we moved to a bigger house she always had to share with either younger brother or older step sister.

She thinks as she had to share until she was 11, that younger siblings should share until then or be lucky and get tiny room of their own. And that by the time toddler is that age she will move out and she can have her room.

Is it unreasonable to take away her en-suite?

@CathandkinObviously it won’t materially harm her, but since there’s no actual need to do this, why not let her stay in the room she wants to be in and have a commodity that means something to her? She’s the age to value it highly. This just seems like causing her distress for no good reason. There’s plenty of space without doing this.

6 bathrooms? So 2 family bathrooms, your DSD’s not quite en suite bathroom, and 3 en suites then? Sounds like your DD is getting a raw deal. You have an en suite, so who has the third en suite? Can your DD have a dedicated bathroom that isn’t en suite?

Why bother asking us on Mumsnet when you have clearly already decided you are going to do it? .You don't seem to be responding to any of the points being raised.

You seem to have a surfeit of bathrooms. Surely the sensible thing to do would be to lose one and create a bedroom using that space?

I had an ensuite in my parents’ home and I would’ve been gutted to lose it, especially at 13.

There’s a fourth child here that no one is talking about, right? A second younger brother? Whats his room and bathroom situation?

And is there a guest room or suite currently?

I don't see how it's a raw deal. Nobody will be more than a few steps away from a bathroom.

6 bathroom and one tiny room that only fits a bed and wardrobe? I think it does make sense to rearrange that. That’s a lot of bathrooms taking up a lot of space.

Yep.
Google your own house to see if layout exists on PrimeLocation/Rightmove, etc?

Yes, I agree!

Could you refurb one of the general bathrooms to HER requirements and make it her bathroom?

If not, I do think it a bit mean to rob her of the ensuite for all the reasons already given.

How often does SD stay, and is she getting a shower to go with her loo?

My parents were strict abusive and we were poor, but they did discuss any bedroom reshuffles with us - they told us what was possible, we bickered, Dad raged, and we always reached a viable solution. Kids' bedrooms are their only 'own spaces' (or half a bedroom, as often in our case) and hugely important to them.

You are the adults so you make the decisions that you feel work best for the whole family. A 13 year old does not get to dictate how everyone else lives.

I think it will make uour house less attractive when it comes to resell it and I would not remove the en suite. I would consider if it is possible to Jack & Jill it with the office next door however. Then the youngest could still have a small bedroom with bathroom access.

Either way, your 3 year old won’t care about space for several more years, and the 13 year old may well be moving out in 5-6 years’ time for collage (or in other circumstances), so I would let her enjoy that luxury for now. It is importantly that older children don’t feel pushed out by the dynamics of new relationships and new children.

Renovate one of the other bathrooms perhaps to make it suitable for bathing the little ones. Enjoy having your own en suite to yourself.

I’m not sure that 5 bathrooms and a decently sized smallest bedroom is going to be worth considerably less than 6 bathrooms and a tiny box room.

If they were removing the only en suite and just leaving what sounds like a large house with one family bathroom then that would be different.

I quite agree. I'd have given anything to have an en suite at that age and no way would I have given it up! I'd have barricaded myself in.

How big is the playroom and bathroom downstairs and are they adjacent?

just wondering if you could make another en-suite bedroom downstairs (even for your dd), keep loft room with sink and loo, keep both en-suites on first floor and have a family bathroom on first floor too. DH gets to keep his office, little one gets a bedroom with en-suite and you still have an empty room!

She should keep it! If there's an en suite available for a teenage girl, she should be allowed to keep it.
Is the 3 year old a girl? If she is, you could perhaps negotiate with the 13 year old for her to be allowed to use it but that's up to the 13 year old.

Your 3yo doesn't need more room now though. Why disrupt things?

By the time 3yo needs more space you may have a larger spare room to move them into with older kids moving out / going to uni etc.

No child HAS to have a bigger room, nor an en suite, however your youngest kid has a playroom which negates any small-bedroom-related issues if storage and space to play. You won't be hosting sleepovers for them for a long time yet. Keep their room calming and for sleep and encourage the use of the playroom.

By the time the youngest wants the space to sit in their room alone and listen to teenage angst music of their generation, or to do homework, it'll be another 10+yrs.

why are you asking? you've clearly decided.

cant the compromise be with another of the children's rooms?

It had never occurred to me that a 13 year old should have their own en suite until I read this thread. Why? Surely as long as the main bathroom(s) has a lock on the door then she's got the privacy she needs. Someone up the thread mentioned periods...what? Why does that warrant sole use of a bathroom?

I know. It doesn't. I think some people lead very privileged lives! Any bathroom with a lock in the door will do.
This household has 6....

🤣

And yet people are acting like your DD is deprived. This is SO Mumsnet!

Goodness knows how my kids managed to survive their childhood and teens with only one family bathroom in the house and no playroom

What do you want to do? Tell the 13 year old that’s what’s happening and do it. Neither option is going to ruin her life, nor is it unfair. Your circumstances are different now and you don’t have to have kids sharing or being in tiny rooms. Offer for her to share the room with en-suite with 3 year old if she wants to keep the bathroom so much?

I am normally 100% on the side of ‘parents decide’ but in this situation I would try to reach an outcome that everyone is happy with. Not because anyone needs any particular room, but because rooms are extremely important to kids and you need to deal with this in a way that sends the signal that you understand everyone’s needs. Particularly those of the 13yo who probably feels pushed out by younger sibling.

It's more the fact that it would feel very unfair to take it away now for no real reason, rather than that she needs one, as suchc.

I bet the 13 year old us the ops step child and rhe. 3 year old the new baby of the new relationship