To take away dd(13)s en-suite?

[thatsfunnybecause]

Dd(13) has bedroom with an ensuite, 3 year old is at the moment in a tiny room that basically just fits a bed and wardrobe.

We want to combine dd’s en-suite and DH’s office to make decent size bedroom for 3 year old.

Up until dd(13) was 11 and we moved to a bigger house she always had to share with either younger brother or older step sister.

She thinks as she had to share until she was 11, that younger siblings should share until then or be lucky and get tiny room of their own. And that by the time toddler is that age she will move out and she can have her room.

Is it unreasonable to take away her en-suite?

I know. Plus, the accusations are getting a bit extreme 😂!
Bizarre.

I’d like to see a floor plan and know ages of all DC and which rooms they are in. It is impossible to tell who is right?

Losing an en-suite will decrease the value of your home.
Your 13DD has a point that in 8yrs she will be 21 and likely living away from home and the 3yo will be 11 and can take her room.

As it is a large house, 7 beds and 6 bathrooms? , then you sound like you are well enough off that you’d probably send your DD £1000/mo to help towards rent and bills while she starts out in a graduate job in another city/country.

That the OP won’t tell us exactly which children have which rooms is very telling.

By the time the teen is 20, the 3 year old will be 11. And stuck in a very tiny box room.
It's like the majority of people on this thread think she's going to be 3 forever.

The older one is going be golden girl at this rate. Decent sized room and en suite, while little sister Cinderella has the tiny box room and no en suite until she's into her teens.

I'm not sure why dd13 having an ensuite is any more or less 'entitled' than dc3 needing to have playspace in their bedroom and nowhere else will do. It's a muchness in terms of 'need'. Neither of them 'need' either thing.

Do you think the word distress or the concept of distress is proportionate in a situation like this

No wonder so many kids have or think they have MH disorders, being told or being presented has having 'distress' over something that is going cause them a bit of disappointment.

Distress is for when you're actively harmed in some way, either emotionally or physically. If this child is really distressed by having to move bedrooms or no longer have access to an ensuite anymore then clearly theres a problem.

I think I’d be loathe to rip an en suite out of a house, as I think people want them.

I don’t see the hurry to give a 3 yo a bigger room - surely most of their toys are in the downstairs of the house at that age?

How old is dsd? Would she have left home by the time the toddler is 7 ish and needs the space a bit more?

I had my DS in a really small room from 4-7 ish and it wasn’t a problem. Yes it was nice to get some of the toys upstairs when I did our loft (which I moved into) but it wasn’t a problem.

They may not move out but at 18 they have the option to move out if they aren’t happy with a room swap. They are more emotionally mature than a 13 year old who may be feeling pushed out by her younger sibling or that her other siblings are being prioritised. Plus you will have less need for a playroom in a few years time. An older child could have the playroom as a bedroom if there is a downstairs bathroom. The youngest won’t need a playroom if they have a bigger bedroom.

Sorry if I've missed this , but is the office bigger than the box room @thatsfunnybecause ? If it is can't you just swap them over . They don't all need to have the same sized bedrooms.

I can’t understand the family numbers or rooms,

I couldn't agree more 👍.
It's really getting to be very problematic. "Distressing" is not the appropriate term here.

So? Not likely a 20yo will be living at home full time.

The 13 year old who currently has the en-suite is my dd ( I gave birth to her)

my stepdaughter is 15 and is on the top floor where there is a tiny room opposite with just a toilet and sink

6 bathrooms but not enough bedrooms. I am confused as to how big the house is and who is currently where and how many kids there actually is. The floor plan showing bedrooms currently would be useful, we may see an alternative way you may have overlooked.

Favouritism in childhood causes real distress. Especially if it is gender based.

The 13DD had to share a bedroom with no en-suite until she was 11.
She is right to point out that 3yo brother has his own room and isn’t having to share at all so is already being treated better than she was.

Oh my god! How does the SD cope?!

Is the sixth bathroom just a toilet and sink as well? Where is it located?

I agree, and it was suggested upthread. It sounds badly laid out.

Especially when she keeps getting something like her own room and br yanked away after sharing most of her life for yet another sibling.

Well then it needs to be shut down and explained that its about practicality. As someone else said, neither child 'need' this, shit the whole family dont 'need' a house that size its enormous by the sounds of it, play rooms, other play rooms, offices, bathrooms a plenty.
Sounds as if she is being treated the same as the other kids at times when compromises had to be made. Thats life in a family for you.

Yes, this what I was toing to suggest.

Do not remove a bathroom; it will cost you house value. And be unfair to your teenager who waited a long time for a decent room of her own. Why can't the 3 year old wait for a bigger space like she did?

Does DH not need an office?

Why can’t 3yo just have the office space as a play room for her toys and other bits?

That way no refurbishments need doing, DD can stay put with her en-suite and the youngest still gets more space.

Who's getting favourited here? Dd13, with her en suite? Or dc3, with their very own room from the start?

Both dc could claim the other has had it better.

OP only says the step daughter only has a loo and sink. There are 6 bathrooms in total, 2 of those are family bathrooms, so presumably 3 en suites plus the step daughter’s loo. I think you might be confused by OP saying the 2 family bathrooms only have showers.

We lost out ensuite for a toddler bedroom..
Sometimes difficult decisions have to made
She has her own bedroom,so it's not like your making her share .
It's just one of those things
Maybe suggest new bedding and a rug when it's all done