To take away dd(13)s en-suite?

[thatsfunnybecause]

Dd(13) has bedroom with an ensuite, 3 year old is at the moment in a tiny room that basically just fits a bed and wardrobe.

We want to combine dd’s en-suite and DH’s office to make decent size bedroom for 3 year old.

Up until dd(13) was 11 and we moved to a bigger house she always had to share with either younger brother or older step sister.

She thinks as she had to share until she was 11, that younger siblings should share until then or be lucky and get tiny room of their own. And that by the time toddler is that age she will move out and she can have her room.

Is it unreasonable to take away her en-suite?

Others here have mocked this more eloquently than I will but I've got to add to the chorus: I can't believe that so many people seem to think that an en suite for a teenaged girl is some sort of necessity or right.

Also the idea of all these 'upgrades' being offered to make up for her losing her en suite...

I just don't have the words. I grew up in what I thought was a pretty privileged life (parents earned decently well; enough room for me and 3 siblings to each have our own bedroom most of the time), for which I've already been hugely grateful. Still didn't get my room redecorated or 'upgraded' more than once a decade. Still had to share a bathroom with said 3 siblings. Had to share a bedroom with my sister whenever a guest came to stay. All were totally fine and I consider myself hugely lucky to have had this life.

Sure, happiness is about expectation and I don't blame your DD for being unhappy about something she's been given being taken away. That's a natural human reaction. We get used to what we have and don't want to lose it. But it sounds like you are pandering to her way too much overall. Surely this is an opportunity for an apology ('We're sorry that we didn't anticipate needing to take your en suite away - we get that you'll be disappointed') and a lesson ('We're a family, so everyone's needs matter; it isn't ever possible to make things totally fair but it's important to at least try, and your sibling deserves more space in our view'). Ultimately it's about being firm and telling her what will happen, not negotiating.

Does sound that this house was not bought with the family needs in mind though (unless I’ve missed the bit where baby/toddler was not at all in the picture).

Well, it's got 7 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms, so I think it would suit most families. Except perhaps the Von Trapps.

You would have half a point if that’s what happened, but it didn’t, so please read the original post before commenting.

You must live in an actual slum then, @Clavinova because round our way we ALL have tv’s in the bathroom, you wouldn’t be allowed to live here if you didn’t have one.

It’s so hard when you have to live in a slum isn’t it, like some of us on here, I apologise to my two sons every, single day for not providing them with en-suite’s when they were growing up, I hope they’ll forgive me someday.

Yet millions of women the world over deal with it every day, and the majority of girls grow up dealing with periods without en-suite bathrooms. One of the other children’s needs ARE more important than hers and if you’d bothered to read the thread you would know that.

I think there will obviously be lasting psychological damage, what with having to use a bathroom that other members of your own family will have used (shudder).
Tell me - do you even own a string of pearls?.😟

You blew up?! That’s terrible! I didn’t know some women actually blew up with their periods 👀 I grew up with four brothers and one bathroom and I managed to drag myself through it, girls and women manage it all the time because we’re great.

They are both in counselling, there are some very good ‘trauma caused by not having an en-suite’ therapists out there, if you know where to look, BathroomsAreUs put me in touch with the one we use.
I do have pearls but I try not to clutch them every day as my ‘non clutching pearls’ therapist says it’s bad for me 🥲

If an ensuite is so important to teenage girls, surely the OP should be upgrading the other teenage girls bedroom so the upper floor toilet room is a proper ensuite?

I see what you’re saying, she’ll need a good therapist for life to help her get over this.

They moved house. That is why sharing rooms was in place previously and isn’t now.

She’s 13, 13 year olds think a lot of things are unreasonable. That doesn’t make them correct.

I suspect said 13 year old is quite significantly less dramatic than some on this thread though.

Oh, you grew up in slum conditions (qv).
Commiserations.

You are a stoic. So few of us left. Why only yesterday I had to carry my own packages from Fortnums.

I did, and not only that, I went on to inflict those slum conditions on my own children, the chain of abuse is never ending in some families. I feel bad about myself 🙁

I think some people seem to misunderstand the concept of a shared family bathroom. It's not shared at the same time. Anyone using it has absolute privacy.

It reminds me of when I moved into a shared house at university, and one young woman asked what time the housekeeper was arriving 😂

Can you post drawings of floor plans OP?
People might be able to help more and come up with ideas you haven't thought of.

Or the 7th bedroom

who uses that @thatsfunnybecause

or is that the guest bedroom

as 7 bedrooms. Parents and 5 kids means one bedroom left

Its the office.

I'm of the firm opinion that children don"t need a bathroom of their own. One between two is already incredibly luxurious. Perhaps, if you have boys and girls in the family, there is an argument for a boys' bathroom and a girls' bathroom.

Don't bring your children up not to share anything. It won't do them any good.

I wouldn’t take it away, more for added house value. But it also seems a little bit unfair to me. A three year old doesn’t need a bigger room, and you could use the office for their toys if you really wanted to. In five years she might be off to uni, the toddler will be eight and you can swap rooms if you want.

Awful to take away an ensuite from.a teenaged girl!

No I'm not a man, just a person who does not have a level of hysteria about perfectly normal bodily functions.