To take away dd(13)s en-suite?

[thatsfunnybecause]

Dd(13) has bedroom with an ensuite, 3 year old is at the moment in a tiny room that basically just fits a bed and wardrobe.

We want to combine dd’s en-suite and DH’s office to make decent size bedroom for 3 year old.

Up until dd(13) was 11 and we moved to a bigger house she always had to share with either younger brother or older step sister.

She thinks as she had to share until she was 11, that younger siblings should share until then or be lucky and get tiny room of their own. And that by the time toddler is that age she will move out and she can have her room.

Is it unreasonable to take away her en-suite?

I've only read your posts @thatsfunnybecause, so apologies if this has already been suggested, but I've asked my own teen DDs what aspect of an en suite would be the most useful for them, and if they had it, would free up the family bathroom for the most time (cos that's what would be important to me, in our 1 bathroom home!) They both said a shower, so if that's the same for your DD, it's worth having a think about whether there is space to have a shower for your DD.

This could mean retaining a corner of the en suite on a wall adjacent to your DD's bedroom then knocking through, and putting a shower door on the side facing your DD's bedroom, then building to block off the rest of the shower from the en suite (or what was the en suite, to be added to the new, bigger bedroom).

Alternatively, if your DD has any cupboards/built in wardrobes in her room, one of those could easily be converted into a shower - I know one of my DD's friends has just this in her bedroom (another family with 2 teen DDs!) and I know my DD is very jealous!

I hear you. Hold on in there x

@Bloozie so brave. Thinking of you all

Can't you put off thinking about it until your youngest would actually benefit from a bigger bedroom? I have a 4 year old and he's never in his room, don't most little kids prefer to play near other family members anyway?

OP your plan sound sensible. Any chance you could include just a sink / mirror in your DD’s room? My sister and I had them added to our rooms as teens and it was brilliant. Made a real difference and reduced pressure around bathroom sinks etc in the morning.

Sounds like a plan OP. I'm not sure about giving the girls the boxroom as a dressing room, wouldn't it be more useful as an office?

Also jealousy of eldest might be a big part of this, so beware of most of the favours being for "the big kids". Middle child syndrome - major on things that are specially just for her like her bedroom, rather than things she would have to share with the sister who already has more than her (in her eyes).

I think you’re being really mean to your DD bu taking away something which “is hers” and giving it to another sibling. I think in following through with this plan you will damage not only your relationship with her but also her relationship with the youngest. Your youngest doesn’t need anything bigger than a box room now, as you say she’s not even using that.

Especially those years with dealing with periods and other stuff. Can you leave her alone for awhile. I don’t know, I don’t like the idea of just taking it away from her especially if someone else’s needs aren’t more important than hers. This is a traumatic part of a females life. Growing up. It’s not as easy as people think

And she had a playroom downstairs and a possible 3rd rooM/office for toys /playing in

Traumatic? Seriously? It's periods - which 50% of the population get - not the Ebola virus. Amazingly, females have managed to survive through the vast, vast majority of our time as a species without en suites. Or indoor plumbing

It's not as if she would be suddenly sharing 1 bathroom with lots of other people - she'll still have significantly more privacy without an ensuite than in most family homes.

Actually I was sharing a room with my brother until I just blew up, I wanted my privacy. I had 3 brothers and never a space for myself so yeah, it’s a big deal. Girls need privacy at that in their lives. Having your period is embarrassing when you have no one else to relate to and your freaking brother is in your room. I’m guessing your a man

But they wouldn’t be sharing a room, and unless OP is going to drip feed and say all the walls in her house are glass panelled and they don’t have any doors the daughter will have plenty of privacy in her bedroom and the family’s bathrooms.

They’re taking her bathroom away that’s been hers and giving it to someone else.

True

The DD IS NOT SHARING A ROOM!

For goodness sake. Of the five siblings, she has the largest room. To herself. What she stands to lose is her ensuite (which none if her siblings have).

This is a traumatic part of a females life. Growing up. It’s not as easy as people think

Yet the vast majority of us, and of today's teenage girls, manage/d to navigate it without an en suite.

They're not giving her bathroom to anyone. They're using it to make a larger bedroom. At which point all the siblings will be being treated the same. They'll all have reasonably sized rooms and none of them will have an ensuite.

So then why did you say her brother will be in her room? He won’t be in her room, he’ll be in his own. She’ll still have privacy. Sure she won’t have her own bathroom for but I’m sure OPs family only use the shared bathrooms one at a time. And she’ll still have privacy in her own room,

The hyperbole is unnecessary. Periods are a basic fact of life, not a trauma.

So why not take away one of the other bathrooms and make that Into the baby's bedroom? If you have bedrooms on the top floor with no toilet on that floor, it really will devalue the house.

Including giving them their own toilet and basin and then taking them away to benefit their younger siblings?

You can see why, if she had to share until recently, she would feel it's not unreasonable to expect her younger siblings to share.

I’d need a floor plan of what sounds like a 3 storey house 🤪
I imagine it’s not possible to combine the office space with the toddler’s bedroom then there’s no need to remove an ensuite ?
If that’s the case then your option of having one boys bathroom ( family bathroom #1 ) and a girls bathroom ( family bathroom 2 ) and giving your daughter a beautiful dressing table in her room would work .
I grew up in a tiny 2 bedroom council cottage flat ( which did have its own garden 🪴) with one bathroom and hated that .
I had to share with my sister and hated that too .
I was tidy and she wasn’t and there was absolutely no privacy .

lol, I don’t know what that emoji is but it looks funny. In a good way

Poor people for having so much room. Give everyone their own bathrooms yay