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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing to help out

261 replies

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

OP posts:
araiwa · 15/03/2025 14:04

Fafo

Squiggles23 · 15/03/2025 14:05

I think the issue is you live in an isolated area and don’t drive. How has that come about? You either need to move or learn to drive.

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:05

This reply has been deleted

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Oldraver · 15/03/2025 14:05

Stop doing the bulk of the housework, when he wants clean pants tell him no

Then have a serious talk about his attitude,

rubyslippers · 15/03/2025 14:06

you cut your nose off to spite your face I think
You’re massively dependent on your DH and living somewhere with poor transport links isn’t ideal
is there a reason you can’t / won’t drive
how do you get to and from work?

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Upstartled · 15/03/2025 14:06

You can't live so far away from everything and being so dependent. What's getting in the way of you being able to drive?

outerspacepotato · 15/03/2025 14:11

Chauffeuring another adult constantly gets really, really old. He never has time off from driving. You refused to go with him to get this thing 2 weekends in a row because you were having a tantrum that he's tired of driving you all weekend. You FAFO.

Some people have disabilities where they can't drive. Unless that's the case, you are being unreasonable.

ThePinkPowerRangers · 15/03/2025 14:12

Why live somewhere isolated and not drive?

I grew up rurally and everyone learnt to drive as soon as they could. You’re cutting your nose off to spite your face. He offered, you said no.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/03/2025 14:13

I think just based on this particular issue you were being unreasonable sorry. He offered to take you twice when it was convenient for him and you refused, for no logical reason, leaving it to the last minute and then expected him to take you whether it was convenient or not.

There are clearly wider issues at play though here. Massive rows that don't seem to get resolved, not telling him when you need help, both of you playing petty games to punish the other one (eg your husband saying no to take you this weekend as he was annoyed you didn't accept his offer before)

Lastly what's the long term solution here? It will get annoying for both of you if you can't travel anywhere. Can you move or learn to drive or pay for taxis or buy an electric bike / scooter

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 15/03/2025 14:14

He offered to take you and you said no as you were dulling, now you're pissed off he won't take you now you're done sulking.

You are the unreasonable one

Stompythedinosaur · 15/03/2025 14:15

If you don't want to use public transport or fit in with the driver's convenience, you should probably learn to drive yourself.

It sounds like you were being quite petty refusing to go when your dh offered to take you. And yes, driving someone else around is a massive pain.

Your dh should, of course, do his share of the housework, but it's a separate issue.

Gogogo12345 · 15/03/2025 14:15

You sound a nightmare. I wouldn't be giving youa lift either with such pissballing about. Grow up, learn to drive or move somewhere with public transport

Clairey1986 · 15/03/2025 14:19

Yabu

why do you live remotely if you can’t drive? My opinion might change if you could drive but for medical reasons are not allowed any more.

PullTheBricksDown · 15/03/2025 14:25

YABU as he'd offered twice. You only decided you could then deign to accept a lift as the shop said time was up to collect it.

RawBloomers · 15/03/2025 14:32

The bigger issue is about you not driving but living somewhere you need a car. As others have asked - how did that come about? Was his moan about having to drive you around valid at all? Or are you living where you are because it’s his dream/his job/his needs that put you there and he promised to drive you everywhere when you agreed to the house?

But on the issue you presented of getting this item from the shop - you were in a strop 3 times and he was in a strop once. YWBothU but you were U more often.

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 14:56

We haven’t responded see the way you Op expected

so won’t be back!

Madre123 · 15/03/2025 14:57

Learn to drive

Bailamosse · 15/03/2025 14:59

You lost me at I don’t drive.

Tiswa · 15/03/2025 15:01

Oldraver · 15/03/2025 14:05

Stop doing the bulk of the housework, when he wants clean pants tell him no

Then have a serious talk about his attitude,

This - it works both ways

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 15/03/2025 15:07

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me?

He offered twice and you refused because you were sulking.
Why do you not drive, is it by choice?

Fizbosshoes · 15/03/2025 15:10

Sorry I also think you are being a bit unreasonable in that he asked you twice, and you said no. Surely if you don't drive and live somewhere isolated it's easier to pay for delivery, than do click and collect but rely on someone else (although that obviously doesn't resolve other issues that arise from living somewhere where you need a car, but being unable to drive)

I had a work colleague who lived in the middle of nowhere (by choice) but didn't drive and were reliant on DH or a (very limited) bus service. They were late for work virtually every day that they lived there, which was pretty annoying for coworkers.

biscuitsandbooks · 15/03/2025 15:15

Learn to drive if you want free choice over when you go places.

I don't blame him for saying no. I don't want to spend my weekends driving people around either.

Cakeandusername · 15/03/2025 15:16

Living in isolated location and choosing not to drive isn’t compatible. He’s offered to go twice and you said no.
It’s really wearing to have to chauffeur someone around. I’d discuss moving or learning to drive.
As for the housework stop doing the bulk.

TheMimsy · 15/03/2025 15:21

@KeenPeachExpert so you sulked for two
weekends when he offered to do it and now you can’t drag it out any longer he’s had enough?

I think you are going to have to gain your independence and learn to drive, use public transport or look at your locations suitability?

I wouldn’t want to be have to running around driving every weekend after a week of work. are some of the things errands he could do for you after he’s finished work in that area so it’s at least not an additional journey?

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