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Original poster

DH refusing to help out

261 replies

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 17/03/2025 14:01

Play silly games, win silly prizes....

Whycanineverthinkofone · 17/03/2025 17:13

BruhWhy · 17/03/2025 13:55

Because lessons now cost an absolute fortune. Seriously, outrageous. We have to save.

Show quote history

I know, currently paying for teen’s lessons.

we are getting them as and when we can afford, with her practicing with us in the meantime. Rather than saving up to buy all in one go and it taking a year longer.

Devianinc · 17/03/2025 17:18

JustSawJohnny · 16/03/2025 15:10

You can't have a little tantrum, refuse his help for 2 weeks then make demands when your actions have consequences, OP.

This

BruhWhy · 17/03/2025 17:21

Whycanineverthinkofone · 17/03/2025 17:13

I know, currently paying for teen’s lessons.

we are getting them as and when we can afford, with her practicing with us in the meantime. Rather than saving up to buy all in one go and it taking a year longer.

Show quote history

That's great for a teen with less commitments but we can't really do as and when. DH will need to arrange work around lessons in advance and we'll need to save for another car in the meantime.

AgentJohnson · 17/03/2025 17:24

He offered twice and you refused because you were sulking.

This

Yeah, you played an absolute blinder there.

I am visually impaired so I am reliant on public transport thus I have and never would, live rurally.

Laura95167 · 17/03/2025 17:52

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

I think if you live somewhere remote you need to learn to drive.

I don't think it was nice he had a go at you for driving you about when you've both had this as status quo. But there isn't context as to why he was frustrated that day.

Since then he has offered multiple times to take you on this errand and you've huffed until you needed him and got fed up he wasn't willing to jump once you needed favour and asked for it.

Maybe it's time you got a provisional and on the weekends you could drive you both for practise

envbeckyc · 17/03/2025 18:32

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

Get yourself a Lambretta (no driving licence required) and take a weekend course on learning to ride it safely.

This is a cost effective and efficient way of regaining your independence.

JHound · 17/03/2025 18:35

Learn to drive.

JHound · 17/03/2025 18:36

And on this specific topic yes you are being unreasonable.

Dogsbreath7 · 17/03/2025 18:56

Learn to drive or move to somewhere with public transport. Simples.

Dogsbreath7 · 17/03/2025 19:05

envbeckyc · 17/03/2025 18:32

Get yourself a Lambretta (no driving licence required) and take a weekend course on learning to ride it safely.

This is a cost effective and efficient way of regaining your independence.

Show quote history

I have a full motorcycle licence and 850cc bike off road/ sorned in the garage. It may be age or having children but I have never ridden on country roads only London. Multiple accidents there but all low speed.

I have no desire to ride a motorbike locally at 40-60 mph. Pot hole roads, mud from tractors everywhere, overflowing field drains onto roads, cyclists all in black so you can’t see them. Never mind livestock on the road (ponies, sheep). There is a bend near my house and in 12 years I have seen 3 bikers airlifted by helicopter from adjacent field. And that’s what I have witnessed when at home.

You may not need a full licence to drive a moped but it is not an easy option. I started riding a motorbike 5 years after passed my car test. It is NOT a safe option - you need your wits around you and know how to drive defensively to avoid all the people who ‘don’t see you’.

Ladymeade · 17/03/2025 19:29

Learn to drive for pity's sake.... I soon realised when I moved to a rural area that this was a must!

LoveLifeBeHappy · 17/03/2025 19:29

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

Get some independence. Either learn to drive or sign up for Uber.

socks1107 · 17/03/2025 19:31

You shouldn’t have kept saying no then changed your mind. I’d have got fed up too and wouldn’t have taken you in the end.
Learn to drive. Your an adult you shouldn’t be that reliant on him for simple tasks

Jack80 · 17/03/2025 19:31

I would learn to drive if I could

Startrekobsessed · 17/03/2025 19:33

Why don’t you drive? And if you’re not able to drive why do you live rurally? My husband doesn’t drive but we live in London, he’s never asked for a lift he would always get public transport. I still do all the driving for the family and tbh I resent that even though I never have to do anything specifically for him. I’d be annoyed if I was your DH too.

Dragonsandcats · 17/03/2025 19:34

You were sulking - you were being unreasonable.

TheHierophant · 17/03/2025 20:08

You need to learn to drive! I have dyspraxia and even I can drive an automatic.

JustMy2Pennith · 17/03/2025 21:23

I live rurally in France and before lived rurally in Greece and I dont drive either, I ride an e-bike everywhere which is great and just like a scooter really. Could this be a compromise for you too? Not everyone has to drive, there are too many cars as it is.

BobbySox71 · 17/03/2025 22:03

I didn’t learn to drive until I was 45 but I always lived in areas with good public transport. However now my current job is shift work and it would take me 2 busses and best part of an hour to get there. The journey is 15 minutes by car, I wouldn’t finish at 9pm and get public transport home or start at 7am.
is there a medical or cultural reason you don’t drive?

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 17/03/2025 22:04

This thread is Cancel the Cheque all over again.

RampantIvy · 17/03/2025 22:10

LoveLifeBeHappy · 17/03/2025 19:29

I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

Get some independence. Either learn to drive or sign up for Uber.

Show quote history

Love how the townies assume that everywhere has Uber.

envbeckyc · 17/03/2025 22:48

Dogsbreath7 · 17/03/2025 19:05

I have a full motorcycle licence and 850cc bike off road/ sorned in the garage. It may be age or having children but I have never ridden on country roads only London. Multiple accidents there but all low speed.

I have no desire to ride a motorbike locally at 40-60 mph. Pot hole roads, mud from tractors everywhere, overflowing field drains onto roads, cyclists all in black so you can’t see them. Never mind livestock on the road (ponies, sheep). There is a bend near my house and in 12 years I have seen 3 bikers airlifted by helicopter from adjacent field. And that’s what I have witnessed when at home.

You may not need a full licence to drive a moped but it is not an easy option. I started riding a motorbike 5 years after passed my car test. It is NOT a safe option - you need your wits around you and know how to drive defensively to avoid all the people who ‘don’t see you’.

Show quote history

If you are stranded in an area without a driving licence and no public transport, them a scooter is a sensible option!

I note you talk about having a driving licence and therefore choices about how you travel.

The OP doesn’t have a driving licence, which does take some considerable time to acquire, there is a long wait for both theory and practical tests, not to mention that you need at least 20 driving lessons, more if you are older, and the cost of purchasing and insuring a car is much more expensive as a new driver than it used to be! I understand that there can be at least a six month wait now for a practical test which you can’t book without passing your theory test.

I say this as someone with a full driving licence, which I secured after having children, when alternatives were not really viable.

I would also add that I still have a bicycle which I sometimes use for journeys of less than 5 miles…. so again an assisted powered bike could also be an option for OP especially if there are hills!

OP should learn to drive… but that will take time and she is looking for a quick solution, which is why I suggested a solution that could be taken quickly!

jackiesgirl · 17/03/2025 23:12

I do drive, but I absolutely hate it, and therefore I would never live somewhere I couldn’t choose to get somewhere a different way either by walking or public transport if I wanted to. It’s absolutely fine to choose not to drive if you don’t want to, but you then need to live somewhere that matches that decision.

asrl78 · 17/03/2025 23:29

Dogsbreath7 · 17/03/2025 19:05

I have a full motorcycle licence and 850cc bike off road/ sorned in the garage. It may be age or having children but I have never ridden on country roads only London. Multiple accidents there but all low speed.

I have no desire to ride a motorbike locally at 40-60 mph. Pot hole roads, mud from tractors everywhere, overflowing field drains onto roads, cyclists all in black so you can’t see them. Never mind livestock on the road (ponies, sheep). There is a bend near my house and in 12 years I have seen 3 bikers airlifted by helicopter from adjacent field. And that’s what I have witnessed when at home.

You may not need a full licence to drive a moped but it is not an easy option. I started riding a motorbike 5 years after passed my car test. It is NOT a safe option - you need your wits around you and know how to drive defensively to avoid all the people who ‘don’t see you’.

Show quote history

"cyclists all in black so you can’t see them". LOL, if you can't see them, how can you know about them? Do you have problems seeing black cars or pedestrians wearing black clothing?

I can't see cyclists dressed in black really means I am not paying sufficient attention.