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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH refusing to help out

261 replies

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

OP posts:

beAsensible1 · 16/03/2025 11:27

Why do you live in an isolated area if you can’t drive?

you caused the problem yourself. He asked 2 weeks in a row. Very childish behaviour

Butchyrestingface · 16/03/2025 11:28

I think it depends on WHY you don't drive and why you're living in a remote area with poor transport links.

I don't drive either so am certainly not some kind of petrolhead, but then I live in a city with a great transport network. If I decided to move to the arse end of nowhere, I'd seek to remedy the non-driving pronto. Unless of course you're unable to drive due to disability (which you would surely have mentioned in the OP).

Manthide · 16/03/2025 11:29

I am unable to drive for medical reasons (I have passed my test). It is very difficult having to rely on others and as soon as dd3 leaves school I plan to move to a better serviced area. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a lift from dh but I do think it should be at dh's convenience. Presumably payment for the car and associated costs are coming from joint funds. I think to have a strop 2 weekends in a row is a bit much.

LadyRoughDiamond · 16/03/2025 11:29

I’m sick of people saying that they don’t drive on here and expecting others to run around after them. Unless you have a disability that you’re not disclosing, it’s not that you don’t drive, it’s that you won’t drive. It’s, therefore, your responsibility to sort out alternative transport, whether that’s a bicycle, scooter or public. It’s fine not to want to drive, but don’t then moan about not having convenient transport.

TheseCalmSeas · 16/03/2025 11:33

Stop sulking and learn to drive

Heronwatcher · 16/03/2025 11:33

You either need to learn to drive, pay for taxis, work the public transport out (surely there are some buses, even if they are a short walk or bike ride away) or move house.

I will never understand why some people make themselves entirely dependent on someone else and are then completely shocked when they have a row and it all goes to shit.

Meadowfinch · 16/03/2025 11:34

OP, as a practical alternative if you really are determined not to drive, buy an electric bike. You don't need a licence and you'll be able to get around.

Living remotely and having no transport doesn't work. You need to do something about it.

MiserableMrsMopp · 16/03/2025 11:34

Learn to drive. He's not a taxi.

NotTonightDeidre · 16/03/2025 11:35

It's a shame OP couldn't come back & answer some of the questions asked.
Perhaps she'll come back in 2 weekends time when she's over sulking that her poll didn't go the way she wanted.

Whoarethoseguys · 16/03/2025 11:40

I think you were being unreasonable not going to collect it when he offered.
I don't drive either and I know how horrible it is having to rely on people so I get the bus if I can as I like my independence and don't ever want to feel I have to appease my husband just to get a lift.
I know you said you live in an isolated area but can you get a taxi? How far away is the nearest bus stop?

Whoarethoseguys · 16/03/2025 11:41

MiserableMrsMopp · 16/03/2025 11:34

Learn to drive. He's not a taxi.

There may be many good reasona.why she can't do this.

justasking111 · 16/03/2025 11:41

We lived rurally all three DC learnt to drive at 17. They could borrow my car at weekends. It works well.

@KeenPeachExpert you threw a tantrum two weekends running I would have said the same as your husband.

exiledfromcornwall · 16/03/2025 11:42

I don't drive (some of us just can't hack it I'm afraid) but we live in a town with decent public transport. I would never dream of moving somewhere remote. What if something happens to the husband meaning he has to stop driving? (It happened to us out of the blue when DH was struck down with encephalitis and resultant seizures.)

justasking111 · 16/03/2025 11:42

NotTonightDeidre · 16/03/2025 11:35

It's a shame OP couldn't come back & answer some of the questions asked.
Perhaps she'll come back in 2 weekends time when she's over sulking that her poll didn't go the way she wanted.

🤣🤣

PlusOneThousand · 16/03/2025 11:45

As others have said, learn to drive! It makes your relationship so much more equal. My partner and I go on holidays and long trips and share the driving because we are equally capable adults. I wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t drive.

DurinsBane · 16/03/2025 11:46

If you both work full time, housework should be 50/50. However, he offered 2 weekends in a row to drive you, and you refused. Thats on you

travelallthetime · 16/03/2025 11:49

First of all, what’s FAFO?

Second is this a reverse? Because you sulked two weekends in a row so he then sulked on the third? Maybe you are both teenagers?

Third, unless you have a medical reason not to drive…learn to drive

PlusOneThousand · 16/03/2025 11:49

travelallthetime · 16/03/2025 11:49

First of all, what’s FAFO?

Second is this a reverse? Because you sulked two weekends in a row so he then sulked on the third? Maybe you are both teenagers?

Third, unless you have a medical reason not to drive…learn to drive

Fucked around and found out

BruhWhy · 16/03/2025 11:52

As the only driver in the family and as someone who does spend all my weekend ferrying DH and the kids to wherever their hearts desire, yabu. It is really tiring. I moan about it too actually, all the time.

DH is getting lessons next year, thank fuck. He "can't wait to drive to costco whenever he wants and take advantage of deals" without me moaning about it - crack on mate, I can't wait either!

Vannymcvan · 16/03/2025 11:58

He can't win can he? Learn to drive

Annettecurtaintwitcher · 16/03/2025 12:00

You were sulking, he offered twice. I don’t understand why you would make yourself so dependent on your OH. I’m a non-driver and would never live anywhere I couldn’t get myself about. It’s crazy!

Lickityspit · 16/03/2025 12:02

I feel for your DH. Either learn to drive or move closer to public transport links

Yellowtulipsdancing · 16/03/2025 12:12

Learn to drive.

if medically unable, move to an area that is not rural with good buses and trains.

spend money on Uber’s - DH can’t complain if you can’t drive.

Rewis · 16/03/2025 12:15

What was the agreement when you moved to the isolated area? Did you talk about him being the only driver when you moved?

You need to have a proper talk when neither of you are upset. I understand that he is tired being the only driver but I'm assuming he knew this. So he should accept it, but maybe have some agreements on when to do this so he doesn't have to be 'on call'.

RealEagle · 16/03/2025 12:16

Sulking for two weekends ,You sound like hard work .

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