DH refusing to help out

[KeenPeachExpert]

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

So you do the bulk of the housework for him and he won't do you a favour and drive? He's selfish. He should learn how to do housework.

Why don't you drive / ride a bike (motor or otherwise)

If you can't drive due to medical /other reasons, then why do you live somewhere isolated?

3 times in 3 weeks you have driven to this shop. and she’s been in an arse every time

3x!

Tbf, a teen is stuck as they can’t drive, rather than choosing not to.

i drive my teen around a lot. she is getting lessons though.

An adult expecting me to drive because they cba to learn? Nope.

Oh fgs, another one who doesn't drive so is dependent on someone else to function in life and then spends time whinging about it 🙄 stop meaning and get learning!

Oh I agree
I live centrally for that very reason

but three times in one week to someone moody and ungrateful? No

Oh and remember… lives remotely!

i don’t think she actually drove to the shop, just had 3 occasions where she had time to do so…?

pretty normal here. Need to go x, I can take you Sunday? Sunday rolls round and she cba, so I carry on with other plans.

3 times this week I've made time to drive her.

I don't understand why anyone in this day and age would hinder themselves by not learning to drive if they live remotely. The expectation someone else will always help them is just staggering!

Ah you see I interpret that as set aside some time to do so, not that she actually did.

@Vodkamartini3olives ?

I live rurally & I can’t drive - but I get around entirely under my own steam. Buses, walking, táxis - I never expect DH to drive me anywhere. If he offers fine, but my inability to drive isn’t his fault so I don’t expect him to be inconvenienced by it.

so yes YABU

Honestly learn to drive and if not you need to be really organized and get things done with buses. Also get things delivered as opposed to picking up from the shop. I live in a fairly isolated area and not driving is not an option for me. We can still get Amazon etc here so it does depend a bit how isolated you are.

Ah yes I see

@Ketchupbroc- I think you've misunderstood. I haven't driven her there 3 times. I've made myself available to her to drive her there if she wanted me to.

It becomes tedious having to drive a partner around after a while. It feels somewhat like you have lost all autonomy in your own life and as though you have a dependent rather than a partner.

Of course if there are medical reasons it slightly differs but whatever the reason, refusing 2 weekends in a row because you are sulking is unreasonable. To then become annoyed when your husband consequently declines to drive you is hugely entitled behaviour.

Go it apologies

I don’t understand why you refused to go and get the item over a couple of weeks when he offered? Did you feel you were making some kind of point?

Why don’t you drive?

Why did you choose to live in an area with no public transport if you don’t drive?

I'd be frustrated living with a non driver with no transport links so I can understand its tiresome, how have you ended up in this situation? Longer term I'd consider learning to drive or moving to somewhere with better bus links.

There are 2 separate issues - he offered to take you twice but you said no because you were annoyed which is petty, then you expect him to drop everything when you suddenly realise you need the items. Yabu.

Yanbu in not wanting to do the majority of the chores though, he should definitely be pulling his weight in that regard.

I think you just need to have a conversation about the logistics of your lives as it won't just get better on it's own

Thing is that he was not refusing to help. He offered the olive branch of taking you, two weekends. In reality you have sulked for over two weeks.

I agree with others it can be a pain being the permanent driver. Learn to drive or if you really cannot then I would move to a town with at least a decent bus service.

If you can’t drive then you can’t afford to turn down lifts or use click&collect.

He clearly doesn’t see driving as doing his share of the housework so that is a different battle for you to fight.

Why do you live remotely when you can’t drive? When I couldn’t drive, I lived in the city or suburbs so I always had taxis and public transport available to me.

You are both ridiculous.

Yes he should help more but by the same token you should stop being belligerent.

Also, bloody well learn to drive. Get a few automatic lessons and get a move on. I took my driving test when I was in my 30s. I didn't need it before then as I lived somewhere with excellent transport links but the minute we moved more rurally I got lessons. It changed our lives and made us all so much happier.

He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Collect your parcel. He's offered 3 times, what more do you need?

As for the housework, in this scenario, it doesn't matter. Grow up and go collect your parcel. You don't drive, he does.

Learn to drive, problem solved. Probably relationship solved too.

You sound hard work... 😆

Not unreasonable to want him to take you, but very unreasonable to expect him to still take you after he’s offered twice and you e sulked and refused. You sound like you have some growing up to do.

This. Learn to drive so you're not reliant on your deadbeat DH. TBH he has a point though, you're not a child and living rurally with a non driver who is reliant on you to get them out and about is really tiresome