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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing to help out

261 replies

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

OP posts:
OnePerkyRedDog · 15/03/2025 15:22

YABU. I was the sole driver for the first year of mine and DH’s relationship and it was an absolute nightmare. You don’t realise what an inconvenience you are to drivers when you don’t drive and expect them to do it all.

Pootlemcsmootle · 15/03/2025 15:24

Sorry OP but you need to learn to drive. It's a lot for one person in a family to do all the driving for everyone, especially when it's small things like going to town to return something. You're too old not to have any independence to get a out on your own.

Maladie · 15/03/2025 15:25

YABU but more importantly, this power imbalance will drive you apart.

You need more independence than this. If you can't learn to drive then use taxis more, or move house. It's hard on you both having it so one sided

friendlycat · 15/03/2025 15:26

You behaved in a very childish way. Then you paid the price for it.

ilovesooty · 15/03/2025 15:26

He's offered to take you twice. I don't blame him for not jumping when you clicked your fingers.

dialfor · 15/03/2025 15:27

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 15/03/2025 14:14

He offered to take you and you said no as you were dulling, now you're pissed off he won't take you now you're done sulking.

You are the unreasonable one

This, like what the actual? Who behaves like this?

Teado · 15/03/2025 15:27

You need to learn to drive (assuming no disability) and he needs to do more housework. The, these spats will stop or at least become less frequent. Your current setup isn’t working.

ForeverPombear · 15/03/2025 15:30

You obviously need to learn to drive.

He offered multiple times to take you and you said no because you were sulking. This is all on you.

BoxOfCats · 15/03/2025 15:30

Sulking is pretty unattractive. And you need to learn to drive.

Yellowhammer09 · 15/03/2025 15:33

Learn to drive or get a bike.

Pinkissmart · 15/03/2025 15:35

He we asked twice! And the fight dragged on for weeks? Bloody hell!

Ummbelieaveable · 15/03/2025 15:36

Learn to drive and teach DH how the hoover, washing machine etc., work. Sorted.

commonsense61 · 15/03/2025 15:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

PotolKimchi · 15/03/2025 15:46

Why do you do the bulk of the housework? That's on you.
But your DH did offer to take you. Twice. You were sulking which is a very unattractive trait in an adult. Your DH sounds like an entitled man who thinks housework is beneath him. But on this one issue alone I am not sure you behaved very maturely either.

QueenofLouisiana · 15/03/2025 15:54

By the third weekend, I’d have told you to sod off too.

If you live rurally, you need to drive. All the kids who live in our village drive as soon as financially possible, they understand it’s a life skill needed in rural places.

Being solely responsible for driving is a pain in the arse. You feel that you always need to be available, no-one to share it with after nights out etc. I know my FIL gets fed up with chauffeur duties for MIL.

Rivari · 15/03/2025 15:56

My DH broke his ankle and I had to do all the driving for 3 months and I was so fed up! You need to learn to drive OP, or to get yourself around by other means. It's not fair on your dh to have to be your chauffeur.

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2025 16:00

KeenPeachExpert · 15/03/2025 14:03

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

How do you get to work?

And why did you move to somewhere isolated in the first place?

Vodkamartini3olives · 15/03/2025 16:03

I'm having the same argument with my teenage daughter this weekend. There's something she really wants to go & buy from Sephora. 3 times this week I've made time to drive her. All 3 times she's been in a strop because 🙅‍♀️. Today she's desperate for me to take her. Not a chance. I'd tell you the same as her. Get the bus.

Overthebow · 15/03/2025 16:04

Yabvu. You’re reliant on him, he offered to take you two weekends running and you refused. Why should he take you now? Maybe he doesn’t want to go this weekend.

BMW6 · 15/03/2025 16:04

Well you were childish to refuse to go the previous 2 weekends weren't you!

You choose to live rurally and will not (or cannot?) Learn to drive, so you want a taxi service by DH. Are there NO alternatives? No buses, trains, electric bike?

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 16:04

Vodkamartini3olives · 15/03/2025 16:03

I'm having the same argument with my teenage daughter this weekend. There's something she really wants to go & buy from Sephora. 3 times this week I've made time to drive her. All 3 times she's been in a strop because 🙅‍♀️. Today she's desperate for me to take her. Not a chance. I'd tell you the same as her. Get the bus.

Bloody hell

You have bowed to this madam 3 times in one week?

Bazinga007 · 15/03/2025 16:05

YABU.
Driving is a basic life skill.

YoshiIsCute · 15/03/2025 16:08

Unless there is a medical or legal reason you can’t drive; then YABU. It’s a life skill and if you live in a remote location it’s not optional. Prioritise learning asap

Hhoudini · 15/03/2025 16:08

is there a reason you don’t drive? Is there a reason you moved to an isolated area?

Is there a reason you behaved in a passive aggressive way for two weeks and are surprised that he doesn’t want to play?

Vodkamartini3olives · 15/03/2025 16:10

@Ketchupbroc- No, I've not bowed to her, I've made myself available to do something nice for her because I love her & want to spend time with her but there's only so many times I'll offer.

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