DH refusing to help out

[KeenPeachExpert]

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

Your whole situation is messed up. Don’t live in isolated areas if it makes you dependent on a driver. Don’t do the majority of the housework. Don’t sulk. Don’t order stuff to be picked up from a place you can’t get to under your own steam.

Obviously there is a huge backstory which no doubt you will reveal in subsequent posts but the whole situation is set up to fail.

Op shuffled off as soon as realised we weren’t giving her the responses she expected

Unless you have a disability that means you cannot operate a vehicle then the onus is you go learn to drive and stop expecting him to be your chauffeur.

Spot the man hater!

he’s the twat here?

They’re both as bad as each other

Shit show of poor decisions

Presume you haven’t read my posts on here @ConnieSlow just ploughed in like a bull in a china shop 😂

Like something out of the AIBU handbook really isn't it. Check check check.

Why don’t you drive? Is it a physical reason you can’t? If not then YABVU to expect him to be a chauffeur at your beck and call

So your DH offered to take you twice and you were stroppy about it?

Grow up and learn to drive!

And if there is a physical reason… why the heck did you move to somewhere isolated?!

You need to learn to drive or move somewhere closer to shops etc.

My mother who were she still alive would be 100 learnt to drive when she was pregnant with me (1962)

She commented on the fact that many women if her generation had either not learnt to drive or stopped driving when they got older - ie pension age which was 60 in those days and lots of them seemed to take a view that those with licences would fetch and carry them because it wasnt a chore, something my mother realised that it was.

So its the Driving School, Estate Agent or Divorce Lawyer, choose one, all or a permutation.

Probably isn't any

My H didn't drive when I met him. I made him get his license ASAP, I'm not a chauffeur. Why don't you just learn to drive. Problem solved.

Good point. There seems to be so many women on here who flounce about like hyacinth bucket expecting to be run around. It would drive me barmy

Is there a reason you don’t drive?

Why do you live in a remote area?

The setup isn’t right for you. It’s incompatible to live somewhere remote and not drive so something has to give (regardless of him being an arse about it), it needs sorting at the root of the issue. How did you think it would work when you chose to live there?

Although your OH has been a bit of a prat, I probably have to say yabu overall. He asked you two weekends running about going to collect the item but, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, you threw your toys out the pram like an huffy child and refused to go.
If you feel he doesn’t pull his weight around the house then you need to talk to him about it.
‘DH, I know you have to do a lot of driving for us and I appreciate it, but please remember all the things I do around the house and for us as a family’.
For what it’s worth, I’m also a non driver with a husband who drives and although he’s (usually!) happy to drive me and DD I do also try to balance that with being independent and using the bus/train. I think it’s good for our daughter to see me not always relying on him.

Can you move somewhere less isolated (with or without your husband)?

Couples argue and her DH was justified.
He probably does the school run, food shop and everything that needs a car.

How is he wrong from what OP posted?

DH had a moan, reasonable. Then tried to make amends twice.

OP became upset at the fact that DH drives everywhere and sulked for 2 weeks.

Doesn't sound like OP is even learning as at least she could be doing the weekend driving with DH as an instructor.

YABU OP.

YABU

Sounds like a reversed post.

@KeenPeachExpert why did you move to the middle of nowhere?? get learning to drive then you wont have to rely on anyone! how old are you? no kids??

I think in this case you cut off your nose to spite your face - you weren’t prepared to go when he offered.

unless there’s a medical reason why you can’t drive, I think it’s foolish to live somewhere remote without being able to get yourself around. DH was the driver in our house - but when we had DC I learned to drive as it was only fair to him, and I didn’t want our household to be reliant on one driver in case of emergency (and I live somewhere with great public transport).

is there a reason you did click and collect rather than delivery to home? I think if you are ordering something that will need to be collected you should agree in advance that he’ll pick you up.

if you’re doing all the housework, sit down and have a conversation about the split of responsibilities.

Why did you refuse the two times that your husband offered to take you?? I'd be pretty pissed off with you too.

Is there a reason you haven't learned to drive? Can you walk to a bus stop?

He didn’t refuse to help you. He offered on several occasions, all of which you declined because you were sulking (for several weeks, not just an hour or two). Now, you have got out of your strop, and you want him to help you out. He is no longer inclined to- and I can’t say I blame him. I couldn’t put up with that sort of nonsense- if you were upset with him moaning about being fed up about needing to drive you everywhere, then either discuss it with him properly once you have both had time to calm down from your argument, or let it lie. Don’t strop for weeks, it’s childish.

I genuinely cannot see why you live in a rural area- presumably with poor public transport links- if you do not drive. It doesn’t matter why you don’t drive- choice or physical reasons- it doesn’t make sense. Either learn to drive and if that is not possible, you need to consider moving or finding another way to get about (cycling, walking, planning trips around what public transport is available). I’m aware for all sorts of reasons that might moving may not be possible- you or DH’s work, for instance (e.g. tied house)- but clearly the current situation is not working for either of you.