To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Ugh, I want some cake now 😒

In that case, it is right that you pay for the replacement desserts that the mum of the birthday girl had to cough up for due to your DS’s behaviour. Simple.
You sort it or you pay for someone else to sort it.

Noone is going to die, but I would not be happy at all with my child being upset on their birthday because someone wrecked their birthday cake.

Sometimes shit happens, yes, but when it does, there is the option to put it right. It was not the birthday girl's fault, or her mum's, why should they suffer? It was entirely appropriate for op to pay.

It’s really upsetting and unfortunate but I think it’s more than the value of the cake. It’s salvaging the birthday party for the birthday girl if the cake was destroyed before they had sung to her and done the candles etc.

Can you not read? She was meeting the carer outside. They then decided to come in instead.

When I watched back a video of my son's party, I noticed 1 little boy went over to the cake and sneezed all over it. We'd all munched it unaware .. and none of us died 😂

@Catastrophejaneyou can’t have attended many kids parties because the cake is very much one of the highlights!

exactly. I’m horrified by some of the comments and lack of compassion for a parent with a severely disabled child.

the party parent and the rest should be ashamed.

lots of ways around this that wouldn’t have cost £110 ( which I’d never have let OP
pay)

but one way is to say to the kids ‘oh well,
nevermind- no cake, but little fanny will bring a cake to school you can all
share’

Because OP had left the agreed meeting place before he arrived

Really? You're aware of siblings missing out because they have a disabled child in the family? Bloody hell....if ever there was a child who would benefit from other parents making a little more fuss over, it would be the sibling of a disabled child who requires a great deal of care.
I dispair.

Jeez - is the mother of a severely disabled child not allowed to take a piss now?

shes already taking the piss with this stupid thread

I’m sorry OP.
In the circumstances I really think you have no choice but to pay. The accident, though not your fault, is your responsibility.

That said, I understand that the other mother needed to replace dessert, but I can’t imagine being cheeky enough to send you such a large bill either. I think if she allowed some of the kids to get very expensive desserts (and I can understand how that happened too) she should have taken responsibility for that part of it and split the bill at most.

Anyway, I hope your dd is feeling better now. It seems like the children ended up with superior desserts so they should be happy about how things worked out in the end. You are in a difficult situation so take care of yourself 💐

1)She couldn’t serve the cake she had paid for,

2)She had to provide some sort of dessert.

So sorry, I think she was right to expect you to cover the cost of both. It’s unfortunate that it was in a venue where replacement desserts are expensive.

@surreygirl1987 "I do. I have a disabled child. I'd pay. And I certainty wouldn't slate the host on mumsnet. Her son wasn't even invited!"

And OP has stated that she is paying 🤷‍♀️. I can understand her being taken aback at the size of the bill though.

The bringing in, singing and blowing out the candles is indeed a highlight, but I presume this had already happened if the cake was sitting out in easy sight and access.
In my day the kids took a slice home in a napkin.

Lots of people saying the other mum should have been "kind" and just absorbed the cost, but what if she can't? Soft play parties round here are £20 a head, plus she'd already forked out for the cake that got ruined. She has already had an expensive month! Why should she potentially have to put £110 on her credit card because some kid who wasn't even invited trashed the birthday cake and made her daughter cry?

Have I read this correctly?

Would people actively exclude the sibling of a severely disabled small child, on account of an unfortunate incident beyond anyone's control?
Like, actually punish an innocent 6yo girl, whose life will already be difficult by dint of having a brother with profound complex needs?

Jesus. That's hellish.

@Catastrophejane

Everyone has compassion for the disabled child but why should the mother and her daughter have to lose out when they have done nothing wrong?

Would you feel the same if the OP's dog had run in and grabbed the cake?

No, you'd be baying for the dog to be PTS most ruddy likely!

The child being disabled is irrelevant.

The cake was spoilt by someone the op is responsible for and the op should cover ALL costs for the replacement desserts.

I really think the kids would be OK w/o pudding. Most don't eat cake at parties.
It wasn't a black tie event.

My DC are 10 and 12. Hosted one for them every year and been to countless.

the cake is not the highlight because the guests are under 12 not 45!

my kids have never mentioned how excited they are about the cake when going to a party- because they aren’t middle aged women.

from what I’ve seen the kids come to get hot and sweaty and over excited playing in soft play. I always put on a buffet, with plenty sweets and cakes anyway so they are usually sugared out by cake time anyway

I think you’re quite entitled to think you shouldn’t have to pay this OP. Why should the birthday girl have to just settle for no cake/ singing happy birthday etc she was likely really excited about that cake, it’s her birthday.

She was probably upset and the mother smoothed it over by suggesting they each pick a dessert/icecream. Yes nobody would have died if they didn’t have a dessert but it’s her birthday, it’s not just an ordinary day for her. Why should she have to then choose the cheapest thing on the menu to not “be cheeky” because of something your son caused.

I don't agree. Kids don't usually have the birthday cake as desert at parties anyway they usually take it home and it goes uneaten!.
Even if that was the plan she shouldn't have then let the children choose whichever desert they wanted. She said sone chose expensive ones? She should have just ordered the cheapest desert on the menu. And the children either had it or nothing as presumably that's what was going to happen with the cake

Why did she HAVE to provide a dessert? It's really not a massive deal. None of the kids would have refused the invite if they thought dessert wasn't included.

The cake itself was a regular shop bought celebration cake. She chose to allow the guest to pick something off the menu.
They didn't really need pudding.
I'm sure there were other ways to salvage the upset - like play a game.