To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

The cost of the cake that was ruined is irrelevant.

What is relevant is the cost of buying desserts from the venue to replace the cake.

If the OP has seen an invoice supporting a cost of £110 for the replacements then that's what needs to be paid.

If it was me I think I’d have been so mortified I’d just pay whatever the cost she said it was and also brought her a bottle of wine as a sorry!

Birthday ruined?

She had a party with friends and, I'm sure, presents and cards. How is that ruined?

What absolute nonsense.

In years to come it'll probably be one of the birthdays she and her friends will remember, and fondly with a giggle.

Life isn't instagram and doesn't have to be perfect to be enjoyed.

For context, desserts at Claridges are £15 each, so over £12 each for a dessert from a soft play centre is crazy!

Wow wow wow. I have only read OP's posts, some of which include posts she is addressing.
I cannot imagine for a minute that if I was the birthday mum I would ask OP to pay over £100 for something her very disabled son did through no fault of his own. I would have some how made the best of the situation w/o making OP feeling even worse.
If OP had offered I would have declined.

I'd like to think that in the same situation my children would have realised OP's son did not mean to ruin the cake and would be old enough to show a bit of compassion so as not to make OP and OP's DD feel bad.

She had a soft play party with ten friends and loads of food. I wouldn't say her birthday was ruined, and it still wouldn't have been ruined if her replacement dessert had not been the most expensive one on the menu.

I meant physically in the middle of. Had it been outside the child couldn’t have got into the cake. Thanks for your snide message though. What is wrong with the people on this thread?

What if the invoice had been for £1000? Would that have been reasonable?

The OP was not writing a blank cheque. She was agreeing to pay the cost of reasonable replacement desserts.

Whilst this is true, I am struggling to wrap my head around desserts costing more than £10 at a soft play centre.

I just hope her daughter is not left out of future parties. The siblings do suffer I've found. Which is why I generally suggested paying the full amount.

Well- I don't know. She's already shelled out what sounds like quite a pricey party - soft play, someone doing princess makeup, food etc.

It depends on how financially strained she is- but an added £110 she was not expecting might be hard. Myself- if I were the party giver I'd probably have offered to go halves.

I think if the mum was kind she would have understood this may have been done by your son, but it is not his fault. It’s the same as if the cake had been dropped. I can understand she felt the need to replace the dessert - she should have kindly explained what happened to the children and bought chocolate bars or something. If it was a cost issue I can understand her asking to go halves. If she can afford it, the kind thing to do would be to swallow the cost the accidental situation.

This a thousand times. Life is already hard enough and I wouldn't have saddled you with this cost. I would have been checking you are OK as it's not possible to manage 2 dc like that in public. I would be offering to collect and drop your dd off and taking her with us as I know she will miss out not being able to do things as much as other kids. Sending you lots of unmumsnetty hugs. You've handled this with so much grace and dignity when I bet it was so stressful and upsetting

£12 per dessert in a soft play seems ridiculous and if I had been the party organiser I wouldn’t have allowed children to order such expensive items particularly when I knew I’d be sending the bill elsewhere.

Agreed... and then host either offers to pay for a basic dessert or just forgets about dessert at all... as the kids have been fed and are probably hyped up enough as it is, without the extra sugar rush.

Yeah, if a carer was required and working then that should be their main concern. Stopping such things. So I guess in that respect they could ask them to chip in. But knowing carers wages that seems a little mean..

@Tractorsanddiggers makes a good point- i had not considered it. Perhaps the other parents should have offered to pay for their own child's dessert given the situation.
ETA- @Tractorsanddiggers was quoting @MolkosTeenageAngst - good idea anyway.

If I were the mum I would have ordered everyone the cheapest dessert, not let kids order their own expensive items, and then suggested OP pay half if it still came to a lot. I think the mums's behaviour here is quite bad manners but in OP's position I would still pay.

Sorry, think you need to pay this one. Cake was ruined and she had to buy extra desserts for all the kids after having already forked out the cost of the soft play party.

And then they definitely wouldn't be costing £12 😂

I’m with you.

Accidents happen at kid’s parties. I’d have rescued what I could, bought some replacement cake and handed it out ( how far from a shop could you have been?!) or even a bag of sweets!

alternatively buy some cake to hand out at school.

I’d also be very understanding of the fact that your son has special needs and I would never have asked OP for a penny.

in all my years of hosting kids parties, they’ve been least interested in the cake and most of them shove it in a napkin and take it home. They couldn’t give a shit. But then I usually included loads of cakes, sweets and biscuits in the catering

Have you seen a child blowing candles ? The Cakes get covered in spit when they blow 🤣.
I would have asked everyone if they could eat it and those who didn’t want any would have gone without 🤷🏻‍♀️. I certainly would not make someone pay over £100 for deserts because their disabled child had an oops moment .

I’m 100% with you . This mum is just nasty

This is the part of the story that doesn't make sense to me because I'm positive not every single child ordered the same thing and not for that amount. At any party, there are always children who are too busy playing to eat, aren't a fan of sweet food or just aren't that hungry. If you take a random group of 10 kids, there is absolutely zero chance every single one will eat £12 worth of ice cream or desserts on the spot.

It seems more likely that the play centre put together a package dessert buffet thing and charged per head. Or that some parents also ordered food, possibly not knowing who was picking up the bill. (Or that whisper it this thread isn't real). Considering the general chaos of a soft play birthday, the other parents could not have known exactly who was paying for what, especially if the mum whose son wrecked the cake had already gone home.

Oh the ableism in this post.

So cruel. The OP has already said that her DS wasn't meant to be there. The carer messed up - and wasn't even holding the child's hand tightly enough to stop him running off.

Where has compassion gone?