To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

This wouldn't happen amongst the people we know, thankfully.

Far more likely would be parents offering to take and supervise the OP's DD at parties in future so that she could use her respite times when she has a carer for her DS to do something else.

Lose out? No, but £12 a pudding? That's not like-for-like is it?

In reality I think the kids got expensive puddings and parents had treats too for £110. Which is honestly horrible and absolutely taking advantage. £5 a kid would have replaced the cake and fed them.

A birthday cake and candles is usually central to a little girls birthday party -
No one would want cake that a child had dug their hands and face into.

She says the birthday girl was upset. Why should she have to go without? Yes she would have likely been “okay” with no cake or dessert but why should she when it wasn’t any fault of their own?

Agree entirely. Unfortunately most would not be willing to risk a repeat at their own child’s party, which isn’t unreasonable in and of itself, but it’s the sister who will always pay the price here.

No, they start at £20. I had one which was £27.

So you would have been happy to stick the candles into a destroyed cake and your child’s friends to have sung happy birthday to them ? And for the cake that has had a child’s hands plunged into it then served to the party guests?

Of course it's unreasonable to isolate a child because she has a disabled sibling.

To avoid a repeat just put the cake somewhere hard to access.

I’ve really changed my mind over the course of this thread! At first, I thought the size of the bill is a bit steep, but ultimately she should pay. The sheer entitlement and obnoxious attitudes on display have made me quite cross and I’ve gone the other way. That host deserved a custard pie! £110? Madness. Crisis and devastation? Terrible parenting. All my sympathies are now with the OP, and I hope she’s doing something nice for herself right now. Up yours to everyone attributing blame rather than accepting that sometimes things happen, and it’s not the end of the world.

Exactly, it was a 6 year old's birthday party, she would have been excited. Obviously the incident upset her.

Its not just about the cake! It is the consequences of your child's actions.

Yes you should pay it. I would.

I think you should pay for the desserts. Your son ruined the cake, and the hostess had to find something to replace it. If the desserts from the soft play cost that much, then you need to reimburse her for them.

I think it's the least you can do, given that your son upset the birthday girl when he destroyed her cake, as well as causing the hostess extra expense.

It's an unfortunate situation, but I think you're morally obliged to make amends by paying the hostess what it cost her to replace the cake with desserts.

Son at school had a friend {boy} who had a similarly disabled sister - we would always pick up the lad from his home and drop him off afterwards because of the difficulty his Dad had with managing his sister.

{In this case the mother left..and it was the Dad who was left with both children}

In reality I think the kids got expensive puddings and parents had treats too for £110.

Op has seen the receipt & hasn't said that this is the case.

I think you’ve done the right thing in paying and I don’t think the mother did anything wrong in confirming the amount after you said you would right the situation. No one is BU.

The only reason not to pay would be if it would cause real financial hardship - if that’s the case I’d be honest, it wouldn’t be awkward and no one decent would hold it against you.

Sorry, I thought it was clear- not unreasonable to not want a repeat with the cake. I didn’t say it’s reasonable to exclude the girl.

This is how decent people act. There is a child at school who is often taken to parties by other parents because she is one of 4 and often the family do not have a parent free to take her.

I've not rtft, but I know OP has paid. But all the people saying the amount is reasonable in the circumstances and the other mother was right not to put restrictions on what desserts the children chose, what if OP couldn't afford to pay £110? That is quite a lot of money - I'd be gutted to have an unexpected £110 bill, for some people that would mean skipping meals or being unable to pay other bills.

I think you’ve done the right thing OP and you and your DD aren’t too upset.

I gave two severely learning disabled DS who may have done something like this. I don’t think a lot of people get what it’s like- the isolation, children who have no friends, no party invites. Sympathies to you.

Or you could teach your child compassion and understanding by explaining that some people are disabled and from no fault of their own sometimes they have no control over their actions.
The birthday cake is hardly the highlight of a child's birthday party. Often it goes uneaten. I doubt the birthday girls birthday was spoiled by it.
They could have still put candles in teh cake and sung happy birthday.
I can't believe anyone would be so cruel and self centred as to exclude a small child from a birthday party because she has a disabled brother.

That has to be THE most expensive soft play ever!

You need to pay for the cake and the replacement desserts. I’d be so mortified, I’d pay for it with no qualms. Poor birthday girl.

She is right , not that I agree with keeping siblings from disabled out ( I have a older disabled child and 2 younger ones ) , quite the opposite but they often are put aside by mums like the one demanding the £110 . They are nasty people who are never flexible and refuse to make their children understand that the world is not perfect and disabled children and adults are q part of life and we should all be flexible and kind .

Just pay it and avoid any further embarrassment. Your ds spoilt the party and made the birthday girl cry. Just pay it.