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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

1000 replies

ForTidyShaker · 15/03/2025 10:21

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

OP posts:
Pomegranatecarnage · 15/03/2025 13:06

What an unfortunate situation. Personally, I don’t think the birthday child’s Mum should have let the children order such expensive desserts. With hindsight, another Mum could’ve gone to the nearest supermarket and bought a birthday cake. However, sadly I think the OP was right to pay.

OnLockdown · 15/03/2025 13:07

Agix · 15/03/2025 10:29

Your son destroyed the cake and as a result, they had to order new desserts for the party. You pay for those desserts, not the cake.

This is how I see it. I'd just pay.

CellophaneFlower · 15/03/2025 13:07

the most anticipated part of the birthday party for the host child and invitees.

Oh come off it. The invited kids won't care. They want to be off playing... the highlight of a party is not watching their pal blow some candles out.

Bikergran · 15/03/2025 13:07

ForTidyShaker · 15/03/2025 10:21

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Sorry, it's not the cost of the cake, it's the rip-off cost of the desserts at the play area. If I were you, I'd also be upset, but I'd pay up. Why the hell didn't his carer stop him?

Dollydaydream100 · 15/03/2025 13:08

surreygirl1987 · 15/03/2025 13:01

It's not the cake that's the issue, it's the unexpected extra cost that the host ended up with as a result of a child who wasn't even invited, disabled yet not sufficiently supervised, destroying the birthday cake. £110 is a lot of money for the host to pay. Yes, it's also a lot of money for the other mother to pay, but she is the one responsible for footing the bill as it was caused by her child. I'm not sure how this is unclear.

Show quote history

But she didn't need to spend £110 on replacement desserts, that's the whole point...she didn't even need to provide replacement desserts - she could've sent them off to play for a bit and then just given them the party bags.

She could have been gracious and classy about it. Not peevish and grabby.

And it would have been a good life lesson for her dd - sometimes shit happens but at the end of the day it's cake and you've had a great party, and that little boy is disabled and has a lot of extra shit to already deal with in life. And aren't you lucky you get to have all your friends to a lovely party bc that little boy will probably never have friends to a birthday party etc etc...

Not "ok kids, now order the most expensive dessert on the menu as I'm gonna be billing that poor mums arse anyway".

It's disgusting and I'm appalled at those of you who are trying to justify it. Shame on you.

UnintentionalArcher · 15/03/2025 13:09

Boredoutofmyhead · 15/03/2025 12:45

So if someone ruined your birthday cake by sticking their hands in to it.
You would have laughed it off.
Somehow I don't think so.
So rather than blaming the birthday day mam for what she did.
Maybe think of the 6 year old who had no birthday cake and show some compassion.

Show quote history

Lots of people would laugh this off, me included.

Cadnofox · 15/03/2025 13:09

norma1980 · 15/03/2025 13:02

I can't believe all the posts about this being a crisis for the birthday mother and girl.

That she'll be scarred for life.

That the party was ruined.

Most kids get sweets and cakes all the time. It's not a big deal like it was years ago.

This was a shop bought waitrose cake not some cake made especially for her. No big deal.

The party bag is usually far more important than the cake.

I agree. All this fuss for a damn cake. Ridiculous.

lovelydayIhave · 15/03/2025 13:09

Well op, given the fact that YOU offered to pay and now you’re pissed off that the hostess actually took you by your word and sent you a bill and on the top of that you bragging about her on the Mumsnet which will most likely end up in the Daily Mail and she and other mums from the party will recognise it, doesn’t make you look very reasonable.
Its kind of like the saying- shiting in your own nest.

norma1980 · 15/03/2025 13:09

@Dollydaydream100 completely agree

surreygirl1987 · 15/03/2025 13:10

ExIssues · 15/03/2025 13:04

£110 was unnecessary though. That's more than £10.per dessert. The original cake was probably only about £15. It's unfair of party mum to allow them to order really expensive things. An ice cream each would have been about £2.50 per head - £25 which the OP would have been fine with

Show quote history

I do agree that this sounds like a lot. The OP hasn't posted the receipt though has she? I'd be interested to see how the total came to that if there really were so few kids. Or has the OP got that wrong (number of children?). However, the OP should still foot the bill for costs of replacement desserts.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 15/03/2025 13:10

melonalone · 15/03/2025 13:03

She literally doesn’t though. The OP is the one who organised handover in the middle of another child’s birthday. The party organiser sent an apologetic message and a detailed invoice showing that the money was spent on what had been previously agreed.

Show quote history

I will pay for it….the cake!

£12 a dessert for 9 children is not reasonable.

You would struggle to even spend over a tenner in any play centre near me.

This was a conscious decision by the party organiser to let 6 year olds order massive adult sized desserts that I guarantee they didn’t even eat. Children’s desserts at £5 each would have been ok. I also guarantee she did it out of spite.

If the party organiser had dropped the cake on the way in, those kiddies would have been bought £2.50 icecreams.

ExIssues · 15/03/2025 13:10

This doesn't make sense... If the party was meant to finish when the carer came with son, how come the cake hadn't been done and eaten yet? It must have been running like half an hour late if they hadn't yet sung happy birthday, cut the cake and eaten it.

Changedforadvice · 15/03/2025 13:10

Bleeky · 15/03/2025 12:58

What did you expect the mum to do? It was a crisis situation for her- a party gone very very wrong & not her fault. Your family member was responsible for the extra cost.

Lesson learned for you. I appreciate child ND, AND had carer. Keep child out of birthdays where this can happen. I speak from experience of ND child who would have done something similar. My ND child cost me so much of the years replacing broken things. It’s part of the journey.

Crisis situation 😂

We have NATO on standby, awaiting updates. The cake has been taken out! Mobilise troops, we're going in!

People need to get a grip over a 6 year old's birthday party, really. How parents handle such a situation becomes the lead for their kids. No big deal would have been my approach, as host or other parent in attendance.

Because ultimately, it isn't and certainly not in the context of caring for a disabled child and the real stress that must entail. I'm sorry if your journey was full of such inconsiderate and unsympathetic people, shame on them.

Kisskiss · 15/03/2025 13:10

She had to order replacement desserts to salvage the situation but she should have controlled it by offering ice creams or one or two cheaper options .
by her own admission it was expensive as some kids picked expensive things , so she was aware and that’s on her.
unfortunately it’s done now and too late but I’d pay and just be annoyed with her forever

Use122562 · 15/03/2025 13:11

lovelydayIhave · 15/03/2025 13:09

Well op, given the fact that YOU offered to pay and now you’re pissed off that the hostess actually took you by your word and sent you a bill and on the top of that you bragging about her on the Mumsnet which will most likely end up in the Daily Mail and she and other mums from the party will recognise it, doesn’t make you look very reasonable.
Its kind of like the saying- shiting in your own nest.

This is what I think. It's almost certain that some or more of the guests at the party are aware of this thread. Considering how identifiable the incident was, the parents have almost certainly told it to their friends or family and any one of those people could alerting the guests or host about this thread.

But honestly, my hunch is this being a typical MN ragebait story to see how long they can stay in Trending.

surreygirl1987 · 15/03/2025 13:11

UnintentionalArcher · 15/03/2025 13:09

Lots of people would laugh this off, me included.

Show quote history

I wouldn't find this funny at all. It's a disabled child we are talking about. I'd be furious if someone laughed about my own disabled child doing this.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 15/03/2025 13:12

It's disgusting and I'm appalled at those of you who are trying to justify it. Shame on you.
I don't think people are justifying the cost, just the solution.
£2.50 ice cream each, fine.
When you damage something that belongs to another person, you pay.
£10 each, ridiculous amount.
I'd be annoyed with that.

Theseventhmagpie · 15/03/2025 13:12

PrincessofWells · 15/03/2025 10:27

What was the hostess supposed to do. The cake was destroyed and the children had an expectation of cake so she bought desserts. You should be paying for the cake and desserts if asked.

Had I been the hostess I would have just said really, don't worry about it. But she hasn't so you do need to cover her losses.

Agreed. You need to pay up.

Birdied · 15/03/2025 13:12

The cost of the original cake is irrelevant. You (rightly) offered to pay for the replacement desserts and so that is what you should do.

pictoosh · 15/03/2025 13:12

It's so shitty for you OP but I'd just pay it and put the episode to rest.
What a shame. xx

Hdjdb42 · 15/03/2025 13:13

She's asking you to pay for the replacement dessert. Which is fair enough really, as they no longer have a cake because of your son. If you can afford it, then pay it. If you can't afford it, then I'd message back saying, "I offered to pay for the cost of the cake not puddings. Let me know how much the cake cost and I'll get the money to you."

beautyqueeen · 15/03/2025 13:13

I wonder if the party mum letting the kids order whatever they want to the tune of over £100 was a bit of revenge on you.

Your uninvited kid came into the party room, destroyed the cake, kids were in tears, birthday girl unable to blow her candles out, place in chaos and you just scarpered and left her to deal with it!

I think she’s let the girls go wild on the ordering as a bit of a ‘fuck you’. You did the right thing to pay though, it would be social suicide if you didn’t and your DD doesn’t deserve that, it sounds like she’s already got a tough life as it is.

surreygirl1987 · 15/03/2025 13:13

EmeraldShamrock000 · 15/03/2025 13:12

It's disgusting and I'm appalled at those of you who are trying to justify it. Shame on you.
I don't think people are justifying the cost, just the solution.
£2.50 ice cream each, fine.
When you damage something that belongs to another person, you pay.
£10 each, ridiculous amount.
I'd be annoyed with that.

Was there a £2.50 ice cream option though?

UnintentionalArcher · 15/03/2025 13:13

surreygirl1987 · 15/03/2025 13:11

I wouldn't find this funny at all. It's a disabled child we are talking about. I'd be furious if someone laughed about my own disabled child doing this.

Show quote history

No. Laugh off the situation. Not laugh at the child. This could have happened with any small child left unsupervised at a party.

surreygirl1987 · 15/03/2025 13:14

UnintentionalArcher · 15/03/2025 13:13

No. Laugh off the situation. Not laugh at the child. This could have happened with any small child left unsupervised at a party.

Show quote history

Like I said, not funny. A tough situation all round.

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