To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

You say the carer was meant to meet you in the softplay car park and leave your DS with you. How were you then planning to collect your daughter from the party when you say you cannot keep both children safe in a public place?
I'd be annoyed at the carer but ultimately this sounds like bad planning on your part.
Dropping off a child or adult with high needs in a car park seems hazardous without another young child to factor in.

I’m struggling to see how each of the girls spent over £12 on a dessert? Can you post the receipt? With the identifying info removed. It seems very strange

I voted YANBU because it isn't your fault but it is entirely right that you pay the full cost of the replacements. The little girl's party was partly ruined by your child's actions so you should bear the costs to make good. She will still have to deal with the negative memories of the day that the money can't erase. My daughter had a similar experience when her cousin chewed into her best gift on Christmas day and later grabbed her food off her plate at lunch. She was only 5 then and was too upset to eat anything else for the rest of the day while the cousin was around. I obviously didn't ask for a replacement gift as it was a family gathering but I was sad for my daughter's traumatic Christmas day.

I wouldn’t eat a cake after someone’s dug their grubby hands in it, and I wouldn’t want my child eating it either.

While I agree that the bill seems excessive, the OP did offer to pay and my understanding from what she said is that she offered to pay for replacement desserts. Paying for the original cake wouldn’t have solved the problem at the time. If she specifically wanted to get a replacement cake and there was a supermarket nearby, she could have given one of the parents some cash and asked them to nip out to get it.

As it is, she let the other parents decide how to deal with the situation, and, rightly or wrongly, they chose the easiest option for them.

It was a crisis situation for her

OMG!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Her son is disabled but how is it responsibility of others? Unfortunately she should have managed him and his carer better

I personally would not have send the bill if I was the hostess of the party. But OP offered and the lady has sent it so I think soap should pay it.

You can’t expect the Birthday Girls mum to drop everything mid party, to go to Waitrose in the hope of getting another (was it one you needed to order, or off the shelf?).

in your shoes I would pay for the ice creams, offer to get/order another cake and be really apologetic.

It's not the cake that's the issue, it's the unexpected extra cost that the host ended up with as a result of a child who wasn't even invited, disabled yet not sufficiently supervised, destroying the birthday cake. £110 is a lot of money for the host to pay. Yes, it's also a lot of money for the other mother to pay, but she is the one responsible for footing the bill as it was caused by her child. I'm not sure how this is unclear.

CF behaviour, you dont take an upgrade at the expense of mum in an awful situation trying to do the right thing. A order of ice cream for everyone would have been more than enough. Im sure there would have been cake that could have been salvaged too. How you respond I think depends on how much you need to smooth things over. But Id be telling everyone how she behaved.

You have to suck it up for your daughter's sake unfortunately.

Surely no one eats the cake at a party anyway? It goes in the party bags. A token dessert item to put the candles in would have been fine. Party bags minus cake are not the end of the world anyway - it rarely gets eaten.

Theres nothing socially inept about expecting the person responsible for ruining something to cover the cost. It’s a normal social convention to replace, repair or cover the cost of something you’ve broken. It’s rude not to.

I can't believe all the posts about this being a crisis for the birthday mother and girl.

That she'll be scarred for life.

That the party was ruined.

Most kids get sweets and cakes all the time. It's not a big deal like it was years ago.

This was a shop bought waitrose cake not some cake made especially for her. No big deal.

The party bag is usually far more important than the cake.

Her son's actions are her responsibility, and as a result of those actions the host incurred additional costs. It's entirely reasonable for her to pay and I don't understand why anyone would think otherwise. It's very unfortunate for the OP but it's not unfair or unreasonable.

She literally doesn’t though. The OP is the one who organised handover in the middle of another child’s birthday. The party organiser sent an apologetic message and a detailed invoice showing that the money was spent on what had been previously agreed.

~A whole room of parents saw a devastated birthday child, do you think any of them will want to risk that happening to their child, especially if don’t even keep your word and cover the costs of their desert! Your child won’t be invited to any birthday parties for a long time. It’s so hard having a disabled sibling, don’t put this on her plate too. Pay it, it’s the right thing to do by the other mum and your daughter.~

Unnecessary and cruel comments. I stand by what I said.

People are so inflexible and selfish. What reasonable person would let kids order £12 desserts each to replace at £40 (at most) cake?

Letting them all spend a fiver would have got something like a slice of cake each, but clearly she let them order something enormous each.

Or she fed adults, which is worse tbh.

OP is responsible for her son, an uninvited child who destroyed what is arguably the most anticipated part of the birthday party for the host child and invitees. It is absolutely reasonable that she should be the one covering the cost of reimbursing the destroyed cake, and the pudding the kids had instead.

£110 was unnecessary though. That's more than £10.per dessert. The original cake was probably only about £15. It's unfair of party mum to allow them to order really expensive things. An ice cream each would have been about £2.50 per head - £25 which the OP would have been fine with

I need see the receipt and the menu to satisfy my own curiosity.

my entire party at soft play cost £150.

I think this most be a VERY fancy play centre!!!

but honestly I feel most sorry for OP's daughter in this.

Me too. I hope DD is okay, and you of course OP. 💐

It is done. You dealt with it, paid the extortionate bill.
Put it behind you.
As a parent I'd definitely be inviting your DD to parties.

It's an eye opener, the risk involved in kids parties, my DD's friend dived in a pool party, damaging her nose, aged 11, ignored the rules. It cost me 100 euro a&e, 250 euro for a consultant, the mother went on to sue the community pool as we were done.

It must have been a shock for you too OP. I know how stressful it can be with a special needs child. Hope you all are ok now.

Exactly - she was on one. She thought she needed to teach her a lesson.

Well if you read the OP it was the end of the party, which overran