To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Oh that’s a really unfortunate incident all round. I get both sides but I err on the side of the other mum, sorry op. Birthday parties are really stressful, so much effort goes into making them special and perfect and I can understand why the mum felt she had to do whatever she could at that moment to salvage the situation not just for her dd but for her guests too. I can see why she might have just said yeah yeah yeah to whatever the kids requested because she was probably feeling fraught and just wanted the thing over and done with.

On the other hand I’m really sorry this happened, op. I hope you’re ok now but there are times when you just have to suck up the cost and assume the responsibility, even when it isn’t your fault. 💐

"You promised to pay, you pay and look carefully into why it’s happened to prevent similar happening again."

Some of these responses and blaming OP are absolutely unbelievable. I'm guessing they don't have any experience with having to parent a child with special needs. Sometimes things just happen, with the best will in the world, it's impossible to prevent them. I don't know how old DS was, but he wriggled out of the carer's hand, and it can be nigh on impossible to stop 30kg plus of determined child from escaping someone's grasp. Or it can also be very easy to momentarily let down your guard if you assume the boy wanted to run to his mum rather than the cake. Be kind, people.

I assume she meant make light of the situation. Teach her child that stuff happens and it's not the end of the world... or the party.

This doesn't make you a softy, it makes you a decent human being with compassion for others.

Oof. You did the right thing paying OP, well done for thinking on your feet in what must've been a really difficult situation.

In your opinion. Mine is different. We’re both entitled to that. All the best.

I do. I have a disabled child. I'd pay. And I certainty wouldn't slate the host on mumsnet. Her son wasn't even invited!

If that had been my child's party I would never have asked you to pay. I would appreciate what a horrible situation it was for you and your daughter and just sucked it up. But I could afford to do that, maybe she can't. Mind you I have a child who, when young, ate the iced circles off the top of twenty small sponge cake buns at a birthday party. Just the icing...

I hope I never come across you in real life. Horrible.

I'm leaving the thread now as it's making me feel a bit sad.

OP - I hope you're ok and your dd too - I'd hide the thread if I were you or ask for it to be deleted, some of these comments must be really upsetting.

I think society has become so much more selfish and cruel since covid and this thread is a good example of it. So glad the majority seem to be compassionate folk who have a more level view of the world ❤️

It's totally clear to me why you had to leave quickly OP and I think you're lovely for paying that entire bill - I don't think the mum should've asked for it all. Why was it so awful for your DD, the general mortification of it all?

The mother arranged a lovely cake and no doubt her own child was thrilled to be sharing it with her friends

It was ruined by another child. Him being disabled is irrelevant. The cake was ruined by an out of control child.

Why should the mother be a cheapskate and tell her daughter 'Oh dear, you'll all have to make do with cheap ice creams now!'

I'd be buying the best replacements possible.

Yes of course the op is upset but her child not being properly supervised by the carer means this her responsibility to reimburse the mother for the replacement desserts.

It's awful all round but the victim here is the mother of the birthday child and she should not have to lose out at all.

Jesus christ - the compassion should go both ways here.

The mum didn't need to spend £12 a kid on pudding. That was really shitty of her.

Yep it is my opinion... obviously. As a mother of a disabled child, I find it abhorrent that anyone would actually find this funny. Do better.

That is absolutely what I meant, thank you. Upthread I’ve written a different post about the importance of not excluding this family in the future, in response to another poster suggesting that that would happen, because of the behaviour of the younger sibling. We’re all entitled to different opinions, of course, including about what we view in a lighthearted way and what we don’t, and that’s fine.

It will be much worse for the DD now. There's no way this thread won't get around. It's incredibly identifying and will only make things worse. I'm amazed the OP posted it at all (unless she's massively changed the details).

Am editing as I didn’t mean to respond to this, but was trying to respond to a different post.

I honestly think you're reading this poster wrong.

They are saying they would laugh it it off in order to support the child who's cake it was.

Not laughing at the disabled child.

I think you should pay it. They were left with no cake and had to make do with what was at the soft play.

Please don’t speak to me like that. It isn’t ok. Again, all the best.

Making light of a situation is entirely different to laughing at it and finding it funny. Surely you can see that! 🙄

It's so identifiable that I'm pretty sure the chances are high this is just a ragebait thread designed to provoke debate around ableism.

"Laugh it off" doesn't mean point at the child whilst howling with laughter 🙄

This.

The cake is a huge deal at 6yo. I suspect the other mothers giggled out of embarrassment rather than actually finding it amusing.
Any 6yo would be really upset, and no I doubt it was salvageable if a child dug both hands in and ate some.

I'd pay up, and send an apology to the little girl too.

The price of the cake itself is immaterial. She couldn't serve the cake, so she had to order the kids there desserts.

I feel sorry for your DD too. So she didn't get to stay for the party? Any chance you can show her the funny side?

You are being incredibly obtuse. “Laughing off” just means playing down. There is no mockery involved and no insult. Get off your high horse and stop being a silly sausage.