Page 25 | To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

ForTidyShaker · 2025-03-15T10:21:52+00:00

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost. My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time. They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds. Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party. The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried. I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it. The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done. I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me. Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59! ’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’ AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay? Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

ByAmusedLemur · 15/03/2025 12:43

Of course you have to pay OP!
You said you’d cover costs, and even if you didn’t, they should have sent you bill anyway. Your child ruined their desert, upset children and it’s not like the mother could leave the party and go to the shops to buy another! She had no choice but to replace it. Every child would have been looking forward to the birthday cake and disappointed. Not find it hilarious as bizarrely some posters suggest, I’m not sure they even have children! I’ve never been to a party where the children weren’t extremely excited when it was time for cake. Gosh, I’d be disappointed if that happened at a wedding etc and I didn’t get my slice of cake. My children are resilient enough I expect they wouldn’t cry but of course would have been visibly disappointed. Birthday cake at a party is a-given! These are small children, of course she had to get a replacement desert. And of course you have to pay as it was your child, not alone you even said in front of everyone you’d cover costs!

A whole room of parents saw a devastated birthday child, do you think any of them will want to risk that happening to their child, especially if don’t even keep your word and cover the costs of their desert! Your child won’t be invited to any birthday parties for a long time. It’s so hard having a disabled sibling, don’t put this on her plate too. Pay it, it’s the right thing to do by the other mum and your daughter.

This event is going to spread through the playground pick ups etc like wildfire, do you want it to end in ‘at least X paid for replacement deserts promptly’, or ‘the CF stiffed me!’.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 15/03/2025 12:43

ForTidyShaker · 15/03/2025 10:48

Yeah it’s itemised

There were 10 girls there including DD so it’s spread across 9

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omg , she let them spend over a tenner each!!!! Cheeky bitch! She wanted to teach you a lesson.

MiddlingMarch · 15/03/2025 12:43

I must be missing something. Surely the cake goes home in party bags, there's no expectation of a dessert?
So pay the cost of the cake. The mother chose to buy dessert or cake for every child at soft play.

I would reply, say you'd cover the cake cost.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 15/03/2025 12:44

SherlockHomies · 15/03/2025 12:37

This is a good point because what if they had met in the car park and the child broke away?

They could've been hit by a car.

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Exactly this. The cake and ice-cream is neither here nor there.
You offered, she asked, you pay - as you have.

But the carer should not have let go in a busy place with lots of unknown kids.

And OP (in the nicest possible way, been there, done that - got all possible t-shirts) - nip to the loo before hand not at handover time.

HollyBerryz · 15/03/2025 12:45

Oh dear. I think I'd just pay but I think she's a CF for not saying basic dessert only and letting some have more expensive options (unless it was due to dietary requirements). Was she even serving the cake as pudding? Most party's send it home in the party bags? I'd have probably just said sorry kids no cake this time.

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 15/03/2025 12:45

Goldbar · 15/03/2025 12:31

The legalities don't really matter here. This is a children's party, a social situation. Strict notions of "fault" don't really come into it, the parents should have understood that kids can do silly things and helped to sort the situation out in a way that made everyone feel better and didn't leave a sour taste.

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But I'm not talking about legalities - maybe I should have said onus or (moral) responsibility rather than liability.

I was mainly responding to the outraged suggestions in the thread that obtaining a replacement/acceptable substitute for a pre-organised item at very short notice from a place with very restrictive options shouldn't cost a penny more.

FatherFrosty · 15/03/2025 12:45

Pippinsdiary · 15/03/2025 11:57

What? how is she a cunt? when the OPS child ruined the cake and the OP offered to pay the costs so each child got a different dessert.

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Because she has zero compassion. Zero empathy and took the piss with what the op kindly offered.

Use122562 · 15/03/2025 12:45

Crazyworldmum · 15/03/2025 12:42

Was the cake ruined on the floor or could have been eaten ? I would pay for the cake only , she should pay the rest . She could have easily gotten a cake elsewhere .

If a child dug into a cake with bare fingers, I don't think it would have been in any state to eat soled due to hygiene reasons. It would also be tough to serve a broken cake to a birthday child.

WellsAndThistles · 15/03/2025 12:45

I would pay for the cake but nothing more.

Boredoutofmyhead · 15/03/2025 12:45

Dollydaydream100 · 15/03/2025 12:36

Plenty of posters have said exactly what they would've done:

Laughed it off - it's a supermarket cake ffs.
Sent someone out to buy a quick replacement.
Bought ice cream which would've been about £4 per child max.

In no universe is it acceptable to spend £110 on desserts for 9 children and send the bill to the disabled child's mum.

I cannot believe how many of you seem to think this is ok and perfectly reasonable.

It seems there are some really awful people out there. Sad.

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So if someone ruined your birthday cake by sticking their hands in to it.
You would have laughed it off.
Somehow I don't think so.
So rather than blaming the birthday day mam for what she did.
Maybe think of the 6 year old who had no birthday cake and show some compassion.

BringMeTea · 15/03/2025 12:45

I think you need to suck this up OP. And then avoid her as she is obviously a bit of a bitch. 💐

surreygirl1987 · 15/03/2025 12:45

surreygirl1987 · 15/03/2025 12:43

I disagree actually. The consequences of destroying the cake meant that she had to pay for an alternative dessert. Not the host's fault and she didnt realise have another choice. I'd just pay. Ultimately it was the OP's son that caused the issue. I have an SEN son too so I do sympathise, but it's just a part of life that I accept.

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Just to add, if I was the host I wouldn't actually have charged you (and I would have tried to keep it to the cheapest decent dessert item possible) but I would have been really upset at being out of pocket like that. She's really not in the wrong to charge you the costs.

Christmasbear1 · 15/03/2025 12:45

What kids soft play is over £10 for a dessert?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 15/03/2025 12:45

The cake is always cut at any children's party, we have attended over the years.

I've never seen it wrapped individually for take home.

PreesHeath · 15/03/2025 12:45

what do you think this mother should have done? Just tell her child to stop crying, it didn't matter?

er yes? It would have been a start.

Josiezu · 15/03/2025 12:46

Why would you just cover the cost of the supermarket cake when the cost incurred due to desserts on the day was due to you?

MellowCritic · 15/03/2025 12:46

KnickerlessFlannel · 15/03/2025 10:25

She's not sent you the cost of the cake, she's sent you the cost of the replacement desserts as she didn't serve the cake. There's always a huge mark up in soft play so I can assume that it would be easy for 20ish kids to spend that.
So I think the price could be correct. I still think she's a huge CF for asking you for it, but you did offer. Maybe wires have been crossed

I agree with you about why she sent the cost of the replacement desserts and not the cost of the cake, can't understand why op doesn't understand this really. But also even of op offered , to actually ask for the money is shocking. It was an accident. Its a cake not someone's lively hood. But there you have it cross wires for sure.

surreygirl1987 · 15/03/2025 12:46

FatherFrosty · 15/03/2025 12:45

Because she has zero compassion. Zero empathy and took the piss with what the op kindly offered.

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Why do you think that? The OP offered to pay, and the host (apologetically!) gave her the bill.

TheKeatingFive · 15/03/2025 12:47

Dollydaydream100 · 15/03/2025 12:36

Plenty of posters have said exactly what they would've done:

Laughed it off - it's a supermarket cake ffs.
Sent someone out to buy a quick replacement.
Bought ice cream which would've been about £4 per child max.

In no universe is it acceptable to spend £110 on desserts for 9 children and send the bill to the disabled child's mum.

I cannot believe how many of you seem to think this is ok and perfectly reasonable.

It seems there are some really awful people out there. Sad.

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Its all very well saying all that in retrospect, with no idea what was actually possible. But in the heat of the moment and with lots of upset children, quick decisions were taken.

The OP did offer to cover the costs. There was clearly no clarity about exactly what that entailed when she made that offer, but if I were her, I would have least have asked if it was possible to get another cake at that point.

I understand that's she's shocked, but equally the other mother ended up in a difficult situation because of her.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 15/03/2025 12:47

ByAmusedLemur · 15/03/2025 12:43

Of course you have to pay OP!
You said you’d cover costs, and even if you didn’t, they should have sent you bill anyway. Your child ruined their desert, upset children and it’s not like the mother could leave the party and go to the shops to buy another! She had no choice but to replace it. Every child would have been looking forward to the birthday cake and disappointed. Not find it hilarious as bizarrely some posters suggest, I’m not sure they even have children! I’ve never been to a party where the children weren’t extremely excited when it was time for cake. Gosh, I’d be disappointed if that happened at a wedding etc and I didn’t get my slice of cake. My children are resilient enough I expect they wouldn’t cry but of course would have been visibly disappointed. Birthday cake at a party is a-given! These are small children, of course she had to get a replacement desert. And of course you have to pay as it was your child, not alone you even said in front of everyone you’d cover costs!

A whole room of parents saw a devastated birthday child, do you think any of them will want to risk that happening to their child, especially if don’t even keep your word and cover the costs of their desert! Your child won’t be invited to any birthday parties for a long time. It’s so hard having a disabled sibling, don’t put this on her plate too. Pay it, it’s the right thing to do by the other mum and your daughter.

This event is going to spread through the playground pick ups etc like wildfire, do you want it to end in ‘at least X paid for replacement deserts promptly’, or ‘the CF stiffed me!’.

She let the kids spend over a tenner each on dessert. Whatever kim Kardashian level soft play centre this is, that’s mental.

9 icecreams at £4 each would have been reasonable, and even then it’s not something I would have sent a bill for.

Goldbar · 15/03/2025 12:47

EmeraldShamrock000 · 15/03/2025 12:39

In no universe is it acceptable to spend £110 on desserts for 9 children and send the bill to the disabled child's mum.

I think that the other adults at the party had dessert too, the adults do usually have a slice of birthday cake. I'm not agreeing with them.

At someone else's expense?!!!

The most I have ever had as an adult is a leftover slice of cake or pizza. At a soft play venue, I would buy myself a coffee or occasionally I've been to a party where (if exclusive hire) the hosts have put some money behind the counter for drinks for parents.

If the parents were ordering additional expensive desserts for someone else to pay for, then they're the ones who should be ashamed, not the OP querying paying for them. I have honestly never come across behaviour like this before and I don't believe it would happen even amongst the most socially unaware parents.

Dollydaydream100 · 15/03/2025 12:47

Boredoutofmyhead · 15/03/2025 12:45

So if someone ruined your birthday cake by sticking their hands in to it.
You would have laughed it off.
Somehow I don't think so.
So rather than blaming the birthday day mam for what she did.
Maybe think of the 6 year old who had no birthday cake and show some compassion.

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If a disabled child stuck their hands in my £20 cake I would absolutely laugh it off - even if I was slightly miffed inside.

What I absolutely, categorically WOULD NOT do is bill the child's mother £110 for "replacement desserts" for what was at most a £20-30 cake.

It's bonkers.

No33 · 15/03/2025 12:48

ByAmusedLemur · 15/03/2025 12:43

Of course you have to pay OP!
You said you’d cover costs, and even if you didn’t, they should have sent you bill anyway. Your child ruined their desert, upset children and it’s not like the mother could leave the party and go to the shops to buy another! She had no choice but to replace it. Every child would have been looking forward to the birthday cake and disappointed. Not find it hilarious as bizarrely some posters suggest, I’m not sure they even have children! I’ve never been to a party where the children weren’t extremely excited when it was time for cake. Gosh, I’d be disappointed if that happened at a wedding etc and I didn’t get my slice of cake. My children are resilient enough I expect they wouldn’t cry but of course would have been visibly disappointed. Birthday cake at a party is a-given! These are small children, of course she had to get a replacement desert. And of course you have to pay as it was your child, not alone you even said in front of everyone you’d cover costs!

A whole room of parents saw a devastated birthday child, do you think any of them will want to risk that happening to their child, especially if don’t even keep your word and cover the costs of their desert! Your child won’t be invited to any birthday parties for a long time. It’s so hard having a disabled sibling, don’t put this on her plate too. Pay it, it’s the right thing to do by the other mum and your daughter.

This event is going to spread through the playground pick ups etc like wildfire, do you want it to end in ‘at least X paid for replacement deserts promptly’, or ‘the CF stiffed me!’.

Another absolutely disgusting post.

Why are so many of you determined to hurt a little girl because she has a disabled brother!?

Shame on you.

Mirabai · 15/03/2025 12:48

Boredoutofmyhead · 15/03/2025 12:45

So if someone ruined your birthday cake by sticking their hands in to it.
You would have laughed it off.
Somehow I don't think so.
So rather than blaming the birthday day mam for what she did.
Maybe think of the 6 year old who had no birthday cake and show some compassion.

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Laughing it off is exactly what you should do.

dudsville · 15/03/2025 12:48

Ideally, she would be a great host and accommodate the fact that damage may happen at a children's party. She didn't, so I am a little critical of her. You rightly offered to pay for the damage your child caused. I ticked yabu because you questioned the bill, but I am also on your side because of my 1st sentence.