To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Either buy cheaper deserts, or laugh it off and sing happy birthday after explaining to her DD that she could have cake later at home.

I can see both sides of this.

Your son damaged the cake and caused chaos, so I'd pay up feeling a bit miffed that the other mother allowed the closing of expensive options.

If I were the other mother, I'd be more forgiving and grateful I didn't have a disabled child and I'd have paid whilst making the purchasing choices not the children.

I say the above, because £109 wouldn't be an issue for me. The fairest way would have been to go halves.

I'm sorry for your dd and the birthday girl. Hopefully your numbers might come up tonight because you deserve a break.

I can’t believe she let 9;kids order deserts to the tune of £110 and just assumed you would be able to pay it. Birthday cake was always sent home around here too not instead of a desert.

Plenty of posters have said exactly what they would've done:

Laughed it off - it's a supermarket cake ffs.
Sent someone out to buy a quick replacement.
Bought ice cream which would've been about £4 per child max.

In no universe is it acceptable to spend £110 on desserts for 9 children and send the bill to the disabled child's mum.

I cannot believe how many of you seem to think this is ok and perfectly reasonable.

It seems there are some really awful people out there. Sad.

I’m sorry some posters are so dense OP. I guess it’s nice for them to live a sheltered life with no idea what it’s like to care for a child with additional needs.
You have no idea what you're talking about. I have two children with additional needs. I would assume responsibility for the mistake.

The carer should have waited outside, OP should have been outside at the correct time or insisted on a text message while they were on route.
It isn't acceptable to expect that other children put up and shut up because adults let the ball drop.
As above, Children are very aware and mostly compassionate, they shouldn't have to suffer.
My DS would ruin other children's drawings when he was younger, I sat on his lip during art class, as did sna in school, he eventually learned.

But we don't know that anything else was available and tbh, I don't think laughing it off would have been fair to the children involved. The cake is a big deal in a kids party.

I've been to many of this type of party and the cake is always cut up and sent home with the party bags and no other dessert offered. Actually the last party I went to, it was made clear that no food brought in could be consumed on the premises and they whipped the cake away as soon as the candles were blown out.

If I'd have been this mum and you'd offered to cover the cost, I'd have assumed you meant the cake and bought another one, to be given out at a later date. Even if you'd specifically said you'd buy individual desserts I'd have checked the menu, realised it would be ridiculously expensive and gone with the above option.

This is a good point because what if they had met in the car park and the child broke away?

They could've been hit by a car.

I'm so sorry you experienced this.

Something very similar happened to me when my daughter was little, and I had my son with me who has a severe learning disability.
It is so incredibly hard to juggle a situation like this.

You are an amazing mum, doing her absolute best for both her children in an extremely tough situation.

I have nothing but sympathy and admiration for you.

RatedDoingMagic
Words like negligent and so much destruction are so OTT as to be laughable. Seriously don't overreact.

My comment was exactly what I would do if it were my child’s party.

Accidents happen, life isn’t fair. Cakes get dropped at parties & events. I would simply have bought a new birthday cake to eat at home.

I simply don’t believe that a £12 per person desert was the only thing available at a soft play centre.

Also if I was ever in a scenario where I accidentally destroyed a cake somehow, I don't know the location or if you drive but assume you might (as most have to drive to them as soft plays are usually in industrial estates here).

I would pop to the nearest supermarket (anyone, the all sell celebration cakes) and pick up the nicest or the most similar emergency replacement cake I could find and drop it off rather than leaving them without though as its kind of a big thing to little kids.

In no universe is it acceptable to spend £110 on desserts for 9 children and send the bill to the disabled child's mum.

I think that the other adults at the party had dessert too, the adults do usually have a slice of birthday cake. I'm not agreeing with them.

Agreed. Awful.

Which mum? OP or party mum?

Paying for the cake is pointless, what's she going to do, but another one to serve her DD after tea at home? You are covering the cost of what the parent had to do in the spur of the moment to make up for her child not being able to eat the cake she'd been looking forward to, not being able to blow out candles and being upset at her party.
It's a very unfortunate situation and I can understand you being taken aback at the bill but what do you think this mother should have done? Just tell her child to stop crying, it didn't matter?

I think this is what is causing the division in answers.

In my world and in my family, cake really isn't a bit deal - especially a shop bought one.

At my dsis's wedding the (beautiful) wedding cake costing £300 was practically destroyed when someone bumped into the table and it collapsed. The person who did it was mortified - and you know what my dsis and new dh did? Laughed it off - bc they're kind like that and it was a wonderful day and about the marriage, the celebration - not a cake.

We are people who generally find the fun in everything - thank God.

What a truly horrible thing to say. I assume you're the type of person to gossip and not invite children because of their disabled brother then?

How horrible.

Soft plays can't allow that, its in violation of their insurance terms to allow offsite food to be consumed due to hygiene and strict allergies laws so I don't see how.

Then she shouldn’t have spent that money. There was no need for it.

Was the cake ruined on the floor or could have been eaten ? I would pay for the cake only , she should pay the rest . She could have easily gotten a cake elsewhere .

If I’d been there I would have suggested to the other mums we all just paid the cost for our own kids desserts rather than let my child choose an expensive dessert knowing the mortified mother of a severely disabled child was going to be saddled with a £100 bill.

I think the other parents had no idea who would be paying. It was a matter of keeping the birthday party momentum going. If the cake gets destroyed then clearly the kids need replacement food asap and it would be quite tacky to stop the party and discuss costs with each other. When you attend a party or wedding as an adult you also don't question who's paying for what.

It was the host mum's decision to send the bill to OP. To be honest, if I were the host I would have sucked it up and covered the extra costs myself. Accidents happen at any event and the priority is to keep the party mood going. However I would have expected the mum to at least make the offer to pay.

School parent relationships are quite superficial so I don't think any of the other are obliged to "check up" on the mum. From their perspective, they could not have known the details about the carer, or the son's needs, or that the mum had to go to the loo etc. It would have appeared like a mum taking an uninvited, special needs sibling to a party which then resulted in the cake being destroyed.

Yep - it's utter bollocks.

I live in a posh town where the soft play is pretty extortionate and the most expensive kids dessert is £5. The mum is taking the absolute piss.

I disagree actually. The consequences of destroying the cake meant that she had to pay for an alternative dessert. Not the host's fault and she didnt realise have another choice. I'd just pay. Ultimately it was the OP's son that caused the issue. I have an SEN son too so I do sympathise, but it's just a part of life that I accept.