To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Hmm, if you pay for both the cake and the replacement desserts then the party mum gets a cheaper party. Pay for the most expensive one, either cake or desserts, so the party mum hasn’t lost out financially. But honestly, the cake could have been dropped or ruined another way, accidents do happen and you apologised a lot. You’re not responsible for financially compensating party mum’s emotions or distress, just the additional money she had to pay out. And don’t beat yourself up about it. Things happen that you can’t control. Anyone with any compassion would sympathise with your situation

They are spoiled if they can’t show any empathy and compassion though.

this is definitely ending up in the mail

From the OP it sounds like the £110 is just for the replacement desserts.

So if a fly would of came and sat on it and made it dirty, who would the party host expect to pay then?

No - this should be a like for like situation. Not that she gets to order extortionately expensive deserts. Your child has a disability - he didn’t mean to spoil the cake.

Just give her the money for the cake only. I think even that is kind of you as this was a genuine accident.

If that had happened at my child's party I'd have laughed it off even if I felt miffed inside for the sake of the SEN child's mum and knowing how mortified you must've been. Because I'm not a knob.

Awful of her to have billed you imo.

It will be a doozy of a Birthday memory for the little girls.

A cake smash with someone else as the smasher.

I don't know why the carer didn't literally do a ''hand over'' if OP's son is liable to behave like this - or why he doesn't use a harness with a safety line if sudden dashes are an issue.

The birthday girl's mum has paid for the cake. An itemised bill for the desserts bought was sent. That's what OP is paying. The cake hasn't been added to that or OP wouldn't be complaining that 9 desserts cost £110.

Op unfortunately however annoying it is, it's one of those situations where you have to agree to disagree just to save face. I think in that moment the host having to deal with upset children (bday girl) went overboard to save the moment. It's not your fault, it's not the hosts fault, it's not your son's fault but unfortunately it's an expensive experience. I don't agree with going and finding a cake as these parties are timed and it was coming to an end so luckily, there were replacements on sight.

I agree. Some comments are obviously from people who don't have anything like the stressful life OP has, coping with a SEN child who cannot be left alone for a minute.
OP is also perfectly entitled to say her DD was humiliated, kids can tease terrible at that age.
I think she did the right thing paying for the replacement desserts, but if I had been the party girls mom I would have ordered the same price pudding for them all.
After all, they had no choice before, it was either cake or cake!

Exactly right.

She already paid £30 and her contribution was destroyed by a child who wasn't even supposed to be there. She shouldn't need to pay again.

Her cost was refunded as it was destroyed - and then the OP also paid for a replacement (the desserts). Perfectly fair.

Not dying is a low bar unless you're involved in warfare. It was a birthday party and an upsetting thing to happen.
It wasn't the OP's fault and I feel sorry for her, but she should pay up.

The idea of buying every guest a "replacement dessert" makes this event sound like a corporate event. Its a 6th birthday party for crying out loud. Most birthday parties the kids take a bite of cake at best. While a disappointment if the cake was really "destroyed", as the mother I would have been totally fine with a bottle of wine like you suggested as a token of apology for what happened. Mortified at her sending the bill for replacement overpriced desserts it if that's really what she decided to do in the moment. I'd probably pay the money, and then not have much to do with them again.

Sadly I do feel you have a moral obligation to resolve the problem in the moment, so yes, I'd be paying. Sorry to hear about it all, it sounded difficult.

She's 6.

I also agree with this. But I feel for you because this sounds exhausting if you can't take both children out at the same time (and I don't imagine it's a piece of cake... heh... at home either).

At the end of the day it's an unfortunate event, no one was at fault (except maybe the carer, for bringing your ds to the venue instead of waiting outside, and for letting go of DS's hand). To be fair the other mum probably didn't have a lot of time to think about her options, maybe she realized afterwards that she should have just ordered for all the kids rather than let them choose.

The OP shouldn't even have had to think about these things. The other parents should have seen that the situation was difficult and distressing for her and the party mum and sorted it out, instead of standing around like a bunch of numpties and allowing overpriced desserts to be purchased for their kids at someone else's expense. Someone should have said before it got to that stage, "Party mum's name, it's fine, the kids will be happy with a cone and flake and we can pay for our own".

Had I (and I would like to think, most other people) been at a party where this happened, the first thing I would have said to OP/party mum is, "What can I do?".

Yeah, there is no way I would have done this. I would have either sent someone out for a replacement cake, salvaged what was possible (which I'm sure some could) or just said "hey ho, cake another day, let's get back on with the soft play" or whatever.

What she's done is mean, I think. She's not a nice person.

I'm sorry you all had such a hard time.

Those talking about resilience - I’m all for teaching it, but there is a time and place. This was the one day of the year the birthday child gets a special celebration. It may ‘only’ have been a Waitrose cake, but who knows what went into choosing it - specific theme, flavour etc. Children build these things up and she was excited to share the cake with her friends, only to have to witness it being destroyed by an uninvited child. Cue sobbing and her mother seeing how upset her birthday girl and friends were, so in the moment announced everyone can choose a dessert. Simply to rescue the situation and ensure the end of the party wasn’t everyone crying. I’m not surprised at all that she wasn’t thinking in the crisis moment about making sure everything was the cheapest. It was not OP’s fault, but you do whatever it takes to make the situation right for ruining part of someone’s else’s celebration. In this case it was £110 for desserts. The party mum should not be out of pocket for trying to rescue her daughters birthday.

She didn’t offer a blank cheque…

So the host is down a £30 cake and has to pay £110 for more desserts and has to laugh it all off. Fine if she can afford it, but bloody hell if she’s struggling that’s an awful lot of money.

So many people not reading even the OP never mind their subsequent posts.

I'm so sorry this happened. I wouldn't have billed you, and I certainly wouldn't have been letting kids get £12 desserts! Wtf was in them!? I was at a restaurant last night and a dessert and Irish coffee didn't cost that much!

I feel they have taken the piss, and sadly, you've felt you had to pay, I would feel the same.

And all the hand wringing about destroying a party, it was a cake, bring your kids up with more resilience. I very much doubt all the children were traumatised. Understandable, the birthday girl was upset, but this thread is just ridiculous. A little compassion goes a long way!

What? how is she a cunt? when the OPS child ruined the cake and the OP offered to pay the costs so each child got a different dessert.

Just pay, yabu.