To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

I think you need to cover the cost of the desserts, she wasn't going to be able to go out and get a new cake on the spot, so I think it's reasonable that she took your offer as getting replacement desserts.

If you don't pay it, it's your daughter who will suffer as she won't be invited to any more parties.

I'm a bit confused about the role of the carer, but it is on you to ensure your son was supervised.

I mean an obvious solution would have been to put some candles on some other birthday food item and call it a day. But there wasn't a lot of time and probably pressure to act quickly, in the face of an unexpected situation.

It's easy to say "well they should have done X" while comfortably sitting in your living room.

Your son should not have even been there - he wasn't an invited guest. The only reason he was able to destroy the cake was because YOU arranged his handover at that venue. Its 100% on you.

You then just ran away leaving destruction and crying kids in your wake - utterly selfish. You should have driven to the nearest shop and purchased a replacement cake. This would have taken you 20 minutes max and you could have left your kids with the carer as he was very clearly still there at the point the cake was destroyed.

I think it's really unfair attributing malice to anyone in this situation. I don't think anyone was trying to take the piss. A lot of imperfect decisions were made, the worst of which was by the carer bringing a child into an overstimulating environment they couldn't cope with and not keeping hold of them. The party mum was not expecting the cake to be destroyed by an uninvited child and in getting replacement food for everyone didn't stick to a particular budget, that doesn't mean it was to punish the OP, it sounds like she was doing her best to appease the upset children. We don't know what the party mum's financial situation is and it's not usual to plan a large contingency in case unforeseen things happen at a soft play party.

Now that OP has paid up hopefully everyone can put this unfortunate incident behind them.

I think you need to pay. The desserts were provided as an urgent substitute for the cake, which was unusable.

Your child (not his fault) ruined destroyed her sweets of course you should cover the cutest. People / children look forward to these events and spend precious time planning them. They didn't get photos of cutting the cake etc.
Even if you didn't offer it's absolutely the right thing to do. I'm shocked you're quibbling it. If I invited guests and the cake was destroyed of course I'd get them a substitute. Bottom line someone dropped the ball and a child was left unattended. Ask the carer to share the cost of you're looking for responsibility. Don't push back onto the "victim".

I feel for you OP but well done for paying up. I do think the mum was a CF to let kids have whatever they wanted. I mean the cake was a one size fits all deal so she could have done the same thing at the soft place. Telling the kids she would get them either a x cake or an y thingie choosing items that were not so expensive (5 most]. That would have given you a 45£ bill (9×5). She was being overly generous which is easy when you're not the one paying the bill.

The £110 was for 9 desserts though, which I find mind boggling.

I think it was pretty fair…she was probably mortified and trying to make the best of a pretty horrendous situation…under pressure she let the kids pick a dessert and you offered to rectify. I’m not sure she put loads of thought into weighing up all the various options and repercussions. You should pay. It was your son that ruined it, even though there is nothing you could have done about it, it happened and you are accountable for your own son.

*not cutest I mean cost

I would have stayed and accompanied all children and visible paid for appropriate desserts there and then within a budget I could afford. Your son’s carer was there by then. You then could have managed cost and also shown your daughter what taking responsibility and putting things right looks like. And by her being helpful in that made it up a bit to friends, stayed at the party You shouldn’t pay for the cake and replacements just replacements. You ran away. If I was the birthday girls mum I would be fuming. Accidents do happen but your family caused the accident then ran away and didn’t manage the fall out. Sadly your daughter may have a lifetime of balancing the needs and acts of her brother and that’s really hard. It’s like accidentally knocking into someone in a bar and making them lose their drink - you buy a replacement.

I've read about half the thread and I have to say it's an eyeopener and explains why so many people are so entitled, selfish and downright nasty. The angst over kids being disappointed about not having a piece of cake when they've already been at a lovely party that probably involved other treats anyway is mindboggling. Disappointment is not fatal - my kids would have been told to get a grip if they were crying over not having cake and would have been more than happy with a Freddo/scoop of ice-cream or, indeed nothing. No way would I have stood there (OP says all parents were there) and let them order great big ice-creams costing nearly a tenner just because someone else's cake got ruined. No wonder I see so many kids who have no empathy or resilience, both seemingly replaced with a massive sense of entitlement.

As it is, OP only mentions her own dd and the birthday girl being upset - it's pps who have said how devastating it must have been for the others,which is ridiculous. I do understand the birthday girl being upset, but, again, it's something she could have got over with a cuddle, a chat and maybe an additional treat bought by her parents. Other kids eating £100 worth of ice-cream wouldn't have any impact on her disappointment if that cake was special to her.

I would feel like an utter cunt sending someone with a disabled child a bill for over £100 if something like this happened. I bet the mum wouldn't have felt she needed to let them all loose on the menu if she had dropped the cake. Awful behaviour.

Well she couldn't serve the cake, did you expect her not to offer dessert.

I'd pay the amount requested, understanding DS couldn't control himself, that's unfortunate and I'm sorry but you should pay.

My DS ran into a car leaving a large dent, bouncing himself against it during a meltdown, I paid for the damage.

I had also had a situation where an uninvite siblings caused a lot of trouble at collection time, ruining an expensive fun party, everyone remembers the disaster.

All the indoor parties I've been too they usually provide dessert and the cake goes in the party bag, either way someone could have nipped out and bought a cake from somewhere.

When I mean it's not the hosts fault of course she should have reined it in with the cost of ice creams capping on the expensive ones, I mean after all if she, the birthday mum accidentally had dropped the cake, would she have allowed the girls to have free rein over choosing the most expensive option? Probably not so she is a cow for doing that but what's done is done. I'm sorry op for this unnecessary stress but I would let people know that you paid £110 for the desserts so they remember that!

the way I would see it is organiser has paid for cake then had to pay for replacement dessert.
If OP had been able to nip out and replace cake, no desserts would have been purchased so OP owes cost of desserts minus the cost of the cake.

Just read you paid. Well done on doing the right thing!

£110 between 9? Really? She really went to town. Is she trying to prove a point with in excess of £10 per child on pudding?

I her choice of replacement is disproportionate - a round of basic ice creams or a cookie/traybake each is adqeuate to replace a slice of birthday cake.

It sounds like she just let the children pick whatever they wanted as she was going to bill you for it anyway.

I bet if one of her own kids had knocked the cake off the table she wouldn't have spent over £100 replacing it.

She didn't put a value on it either.

Op was stressed and offered to pay, the party mum was stressed and took op at her word and tried to appease a room full of upset kids.

If op or party mum had the time and space to think things through properly then they could have come up with a good solution, but with op and party mum were doing their best under extremely stressful circumstances.

Sounds awful OP and I am sorry this has happened to you. I have an SEN child and while nothing like this has ever happened and don't think it would, I get some of how difficult this is and how it must feel.

In your situation, I would offer to pay half the £110 with the other mum. I don't think it is reasonable for her to expect you to cover £110 and it does seem reasonable for you to contribute.

If I was the party mum in this scenario I wouldn't be paying for replacement dressers for all kids because I wouldn't have been able to afford it.

Hope you're ok.

Why should the Birthday Girl have her party ruined by someone else's child who wasn't even invited?

I'm sure you wouldn't be so ''Too bad, so sad'' if it was your child's party that had this happen- the cake is the major part of a birthday party, and to have a stranger come in and literally smash it up as the carer hadn't done a proper {literal} hand over isn't fair.

In fact, the carer is probably the one at fault most of all, allowing the child to break away.

What if this was to happen in traffic, or somewhere equally dangerous.

Of course you should pay for the replacement desserts! I’d be pretty pissed off with the carer too for allowing it to happen!

It's a lot of money. Tbh I wouldn't know what the correct solution was except for not spending that much on cake and desserts.

im so sorry, I think she’s having you over. Obviously I’d be annoyed, but knowing the circumstance of a special needs child and it being an accident and you were unapologetic - I wouldn’t make you pay. She definitely took advantage of you saying you would cover the cost to overcharge you. I’m so sorry op, I have an autistic child who does things like this and I know how humiliating and stressful it is being put in these situations. It’s overwhelming and when people make it worse, you are torn by not wanting to rock the boat hut also wanting it to go away and be done with