To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

I literally gave two examples of how to sort it without letting go of the SEN child. Her daughter crying just needed to be told to pack it in and sit down. Someone else could watch her while OP went to get a cake. Another parent could have gone to get a cake if OP handed over the money. She just walked off, after bringing her son in when he shouldn’t have been there because she wasn’t waiting in the car park where she was meant to be.

If the carer is formal ie employed by a service, do they have a contract/ agreement that they must keep hold of your son at all times? From what you’ve said your boy can’t be left to his own devices even for a minute, so they should know how to look after him properly. Their employer will have public liability insurance, but whether they would be amenable to claiming on it, is another matter.

No one’s going to die from not having a birthday cake
no one’s going to die from not having a pudding

sometimes shit happens. Sometimes disappointment happens. It’s part of life

Surely the venue’s cheapest desert would have been the most appropriate replacement for a slice of supermarket birthday cake? I think a lolly or suchlike would have been a sensible alternative, not letting them choose anything and everything. However, perhaps it was all a bit chaotic with an upset birthday child. But £110 is not a reasonable request.
saying that, I’d pay and chalk it up to experience.

And what price did you expect op?
£20?
If the cake was custom made and desserts in the play centres are not cheap as well, then the price she’s asking for is reasonable.

I most certainly would not ask anyone whose disabled son destroyed a cake to pay for it, let alone desserts. If you offered I’d say thanks but absolutely not.

Of all the grabby gaucheries I’ve read on MN this deserves a special prize.

Of course you pay.
You didn't pay attention. Your child ruined a party. You left. The mother handled it. You pay.

If she can't afford £110, how did she think the OP was going to be able to afford £110?

Wow, empathy bypass.

The OP's DD is a 6 year old girl who was thrilled to be invited to a party. She probably misses out on a lot of stuff because of her brother's SEN. Her brother then ran amok at her friend's party, destroyed the cake and made her friend cry on her birthday. Everyone was looking at them. I think most people would want the ground to swallow them up in that situation.

It wasn't unavoidable. The child shouldn't have been there and the carer or OP didn't have them under control.

I posted earlier on supporting the mum’s calculation because I do see the logic in paying for the replacements rather than the cake, but I have to say, if it was me I wouldn’t have dreamt of accepting the mum’s offer to pay. I wouldn’t think particularly well of the party mum if I was another of her friends and she told me she’d followed up with a bill for you either, unless I knew she really couldn’t weather an extra charge. It just seems really unkind and not looking at the big picture - I’m sure OP’s life is expensive and difficult enough already and I’d feel really sorry for her little girl having been crying about it too.

I’d suck it up. I think it was a bit rubbish of the hostess to have allowed the children to choose (allowing for children to choose expensive options). She should really have bought the same for all, they weren’t going to get a choice initially!

You should pay. Yes, maybe the mum should have limited the dessert choice to A or B but she was probably, shocked, flustered and upset and dealing with her DD’s upset too, as well as the other guests. So, it’s completely understandable she didn’t think to do this.

At that age all of my DCs would have been very upset to have that happen to their cake. It’s not nice. Your son has additional needs so it’s not his fault, but that’s by the by. You need to pay to make up for what he did. Pay it without quibbling. I’m sure the other mum sympathises with your DS’s problems, but that doesn’t mean she should be out of pocket or have her child’s party ruined by a child who shouldn’t even be there. If that was a random child who did this, I’d expect the parents of that child to pay the full bill too.

Because this isn’t how people think when they are short of money. They hope for an easy resolution on the basis that the other person will have the money.
If neither party has the money the conflict continues and gets more stressful doesn’t it?

@Mrsttcno1 that's exactly what I was trying to say earlier, (but you worded it better) this story will spread around all the DMs at school, if the Op doesn't pay what she promised it will go down very badly

Shitty situation for all concerned. But you were right to pay it. If the other Mum was a half decent human being, she will have felt awful sending you the receipt. But you’ve paid, you stuck to your word saying you’ll cover the cost and that’s it done. Think you handled it well. You can tell your DD that Mummy has fixed it and Emily’s Mummy isn’t cross and it’s all fine.

@MeganM3 @Givemethesun

Right. No-one on this thread seems to have any manners.

While the mum shouldn’t have let the kids have free rein on dessert choices, she also shouldn’t be out of pocket because the cake was ruined and she had to find an alternative with limited options.

I sympathise completely, but agree you should pay.

The OP had arranged for him not to be there.

It is the carer's fault really, but nobody is going to expect him to pay.

It's just one of those unfortunate things.

Of course not! She already had- and it was destroyed.

But if OP pays back the £30 cake cost and pays the £110 desert cost (as suggested by previous poster) then birthday mum hasn’t paid anything towards party deserts.

Unless I’m reading it wrong? entirely possible! 😀

And the mum could have looked after the cake better. Anything could have happened to it if it’s left there uncovered

Sorry I don’t usually post more than once on a thread, but some of the comments here about the whole party experience being ruined because of a damaged cake almost beggar belief.
The more I think about it the more I feel that the party mum has been well over the top in the action she took because a shop bought birthday cake was ruined. Buying ice creams was unnecessary and letting the girls choose expensive options more so. I bet it you asked any of the other parents there they would say that there was absolutely no need for ice creams to be bought and that all the OP needed to do was to refund the mum the cost of the cake she bought.
If my daugher had been at the party I’d be horrified to think that the OP had been sent a bill of this magnitude and the more I think about it the more it leads me to believe that this post isn’t for real.
If it is, the mum in question should be ashamed of asking the OP to pay so much.

Those parties are not cheap, in my experience we usually pay around £150, so fork another £100 could be significant amount of money for some parents imo.

Exactly. It is an unfortunate situation all round but the only person who will suffer if OP made any kind of fuss about this is DD because once word gets round that her brother ruined the party & then mum left the birthday family to pick up the bill & failed to accept responsibility, she will quickly find herself without any more invitations.