To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

That’s not how it works - she chose to mitigate the loss of the cake with desserts instead - so the birthday girls mum should not benefit financially from OP choosing to cover the cost (essentially a double refund).

if she hadn’t replaced the cake with desserts, OP would have just refunded the cake

That isn’t always possible, at a party our son went to the cake was knocked off the table as it was one of those tables you can collapse and someone leant on it. It was a class party, like many soft plays it wasn’t possible to buy 24 of x item.

Also I’d be pissed off with the carer. They shouldn’t have let go of your DS hand until they physically handed him to you. You’d only gone the loo so hardly minutes and minutes of unpaid overtime.

I feel very sorry for the OP. She said pages and pages ago that she'd asked for the bank details of the other mum and still so many posters are gleefully rushing in to tell her she should pay.

Reading and comprehension are really poor on this thread.

How do you know the birthday girl doesn't have a disabled older sibling at home with grandparents and this wasn't the first birthday party she has ever had?

OPs child was crying and upset too, shouldn't she be more resilient as it wasn't even her party?

There is no way I'd be happy for the mother of a disabled child in need of constant care to be billed over £10 for my child to have an unnecessarily expensive ice cream. If I was made aware that this had happened, I'd be incredibly uncomfortable and offering to reimburse the party mum myself for my child's ice cream.

i think its right that you’ve paid, chalk it up as one of those things.
They couldn’t really serve the cake as pudding after both hands had been put into it, the children attending expected pudding so they had to provide an alternative and soft play food is expensive.
Its just one of those unfortunate things that sometimes happens.

He destroyed the cake. She had to buy alternatives for the kids. You need to pay

So you’d have her paying for nothing at all?

But the pudding she paid for was destroyed. She spent £30 on a nice cake for her child who, understandably, was looking forward to sharing it with her friends, and it got destroyed by a child who wasn't even supposed to be there to begin with.

It's only fair that the cake is refunded (so the birthday girl can have it another day) and the new desserts are also paid for.

How did your son and his carer even get into the soft play? Surely they would have been expected to pay on entry, but that wouldn't make sense as you were just taking him home.

Also the distress caused all round.

£12 per dessert is insane. I’d raise an eyebrow to even pay that in a restaurant never mind a soft play which is a glorified greasy spoon.
Birthday girls mum wasn’t UR in buying desserts, but you do ice cream or a muffin each. I wouldn’t expect any of them to be £12.
Good on you for paying for it OP, but I’d definitely be pulling a face too.

If your intention was to pay for the cake only you should’ve offered to have gone and got a replacement. Not fucking off and leaving the mum to deal with it.

I explained why this doesn’t work for me. So, which of my two children’s safety do I risk so I can buy this replacement then?

Well, by that reasoning, the mum should have gotten back say £50 for the cake. She should then put the £50 towards the available desserts, which is ice cream. The OP then pays the extra cost, which is £60.

Better?
Because either way OP has to pay £110...

Of course! Why should the birthday mum be left to pay?

I’m glad you paid, it’s a sad situation but at the end of the day the cake which was going to be dessert was ruined. You paid for a replacement dessert and surely couldn’t have expected someone else to run out to a supermarket and buy a cake- they needed to get what was there (though £12 for a dessert is steep!!!)

Presumably the carer told them he was meeting someone there? I don’t know.

i think it’s fair for you to cover cost of replacement dessert and cake. However it’s a bit cheeky to let the kids just have free rein to order whatever they like. Ice creams for all should have been sufficient. She shouldn’t have allowed some of the children to order expensive desserts.

I can't tell if you are bad at math or purposefully obtuse.

I don't think the mum should put anything towards the replacements.

Her child missed out on her birthday cake. The cake "refund" should go towards buying her a replacement cake. The desserts are extra because the only available cake was destroyed and the mum had no other options at the time.

What use would a replacement cake be after the birthday party has already happened?

Not sure why the carer presumably paid a fee to bring your son into a soft play when the agreement was to meet outside. Seems an odd decision.

I think if you can afford it you should pay, it’s an incredibly unfair situation all round and since it was your son that caused it unfortunately you will have to pay.

I would be miffed at the carer though.

She doesn't need a second cake on top of ice cream. That's literally pointless.

It’s unfortunate but you should pay. The cost of the cake being £xxxx then replacement desserts for 20 children would be at least that. The other mum shoulnd’t have to pay for it when it wasn’t her fault. As I said though, it was very unfortunate