To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Absolutely this.

Mum should have the money back for the cake so that they can still have their blow out the candles/cut the cake time later, and shouldn’t be paying for the replacement desserts which were needed.

This was exactly my thoughts

Anyway, done and dusted now.

I think you have to pay but I do sympathise, and if it were me I'd have asked you to split the cost with me. And would probably have not allowed kids to order expensive desserts only the bog standard ones if possible.

I would ask to get the thread deleted though because it's pretty identifying and it's the sort of thing that gets picked up by the Daily Fail (wankers).

They could have stuck the candles in the ice cream to blow out.

Not bad at maths at all

Mum paid £30 for a cake that was destroyed and nobody could eat.
She also then paid for desserts for 9 children last-minute.

OP should pay £30 to replace the cake so that the birthday girl doesn't go without. She also needs to pay for the costs of the desserts bought last-minute for all the guests at the party who couldn't have any cake as a result of her son's actions.

I think for your daughter's sake you did the right thing in paying

The replacement deserts has smoothed the situation over.

Imagine the reaction from the other 6 year olds had they not had desert.

This would have risked "remember when tidyshakerdaughter brother wrecked the cake and we couldnt have desert?!" (I'm coming at this from a 6 year old not an adult... I'm not expecting 6 year olds to have the understanding and empathy that an adult should have)

Replacing the pudding (with something better than cake as well) means this is likely forgotten about by the kids.

You can’t understand why a child would still want a birthday cake, for their birthday, which they were expecting and looking forward to? So… basically everybody should have to compromise for one child’s mistake?

She needs to refund the cake so that the birthday girl can still have cake.

This. Paying for a replacement cake misses the point because there wasn’t a replacement cake. The mum wouldn’t have had to buy all those replacement desserts at a mark up if your son hadn’t destroyed the cake. If you had said “let me quickly nip to Waitrose a get a new cake” then replacing the cost of the cake would be reasonable. Why should she have to burden the cost of providing everyone with a dessert when it was your son who did the damage? And you also did offer to pay.

This was not your fault and I’m surprised how many people have no compassion regarding how tough it is to have a severely disabled child. The attitude of ‘well it was your son so you need to pay’ is shocking. As if life isn’t already hard enough with a disabled child. It’s clear from your posts that the parents of the other children were there too, if I’d been there I would have suggested to the other mums we all just paid the cost for our own kids desserts rather than let my child choose an expensive dessert knowing the mortified mother of a severely disabled child was going to be saddled with a £100 bill. This could have been a lesson on inclusion for the children, especially considering this was their friends brother, but it sounds like all anyone was focused on was making sure the children got the most expensive treat possible. I would feel upset in your case too OP and wouldn’t be seeking to spend time with any of these women again, if people can’t react with compassion to those most vulnerable in society and just look to seek blame and get what they can from a situation then they’re not people I’d want as friends. Did anybody at the party actually reach out to see if you and/ or DD were okay after this or express any empathy at all?

Obviously they were about to eat the cake (which was in their budget and was destroyed), so rather than say “no cake” to all the kids, they got whatever was available at the softplay.

Giving them the cake cost to cover a like-for-like replacement would only work if they had time to buy one. I think you pay up here, OP.

Honestly, if my child had done this to another’s birthday cake I’d offer them DOUBLE.

No, they're really not. I think it's more a discussion about the rights and wrongs of the situation now. Maybe it's you that doesn't understand?

I think the OP’s daughter was crying because of what had happened with her brother. Not because she didn’t get a bit of cake.

Unfortunately I think you need to pay - it’s a bit cheeky of the mum to let everyone choose what they wanted but she might have been trying to redeem the situation as well by making choosing the desserts a bit of a treat.
I also think you need to think of your dd. This is the kind of memory that stays with you for years but if the narrative becomes mum treated everyone to desserts at the end it becomes a slightly less upsetting core memory. I think that is worth the £110.

Why does the birthday girl not get to have her cake?

She’s done absolutely nothing wrong, she deserves her cake for her day!

I agree with most PPs that you need to pay it - you aren’t just replacing the cake but the ice cream the host had to pay for because your DS ruined the cake, which was the original dessert.

IF that is how much your son destroying the cake cost her then you should pay it.
Presumably other desserts had to be provided so you are paying for those and also the cake

It's not a second cake though.

It's the cake she should have had, and that she was excited about, that OP's son destroyed.

The ice-cream was a "there there, it's not your fault" spur of the moment replacement. It doesn't mean she should also miss out on her birthday cake.

Sorry but I think she has the right to ask. You are replacing the cake vs. buying a new cake. She didn’t have the option to buy another cake at the same price because she needed an immediate replacement and so had to buy desserts at the venue. It’s a shitty situation but I don’t think it’s her fault. Or anyone else’s - just one of those things.

FWIW if it were me I wouldn’t ask you for the money, and if I were you I would send some flowers to apologise (but not in this case as she has asked for the money).

You offered! She accepted and sent you the receipt so she's hardly scamming you. She's not charging you for the cake that was ruined too so she's still out of pocket let alone the stress of having to deal with the immediate aftermath of a destroyed birthday cake for her child. Pay it with a sincere apology at that. What would you do in her shoes?

I’m really sorry, this sounds so difficult. I know you’ve said you would pay and I guess it is the right thing to do but I think you’ve been put in a horrible situation.

I’ve not actually ever been to a party where THE cake has been dessert. Yes it was disappointing for the birthday child but no harm was meant and if they’ve had a nice party and assume party food, I would be expecting my kids to be grateful and move on from the cake thing. No way would I be paying for desserts after a nice party and food as the host. Accidents happen and things don’t always go to plan but kids have to learn that. Friends, family and the fun they had at the side play part in the party, the cake could have just been moved past. 🙁

Paying £30 for a replacement cake (that will never be bought because the birthday is over now) plus the cost of the desserts that were eaten means the birthday girl's mum is £30 up because she will have paid £0 for dessert but the kids still got dessert.

Paying for a replacement cake is therefore unnecessary and adds insult to injury.

HTH.

I would pay due to moral responsibility and being a people pleaser, but would cut ties with the mum. She’s a piss taker, the parents that were standing there giggling and then not paying for their own child’s dessert were also taking the piss. They were happy to let their kids order luxury deserts costing £12 each at the expense of you, trying to see the max amount they could possibly get out of you. If i was a parent at the party I would of paid for my own child’s dessert if they wanted one, but wasn’t the party over anyway?

Why is everyone talking like 6yos need dessert at a party? Especially at a soft play place they just want to run and play. Absolutely ridiculous, they were just taking advantage of the offer they thought OP had made, they let the kids have free reign choosing expensive desserts because someone else was paying. Bet they didn't even eat them!
Clearly the other parents knew why there was no cake served so they didn't even need to 'save face'.
Feel sorry for OP.

I think she's being perfectly fair. That's the full amount that she needed to pay because of your child's actions. It would be quite rude of you to ask to only pay for the cake.

You could always deduct the cost of the cake from the amount you pay her though. If you refund her just the desserts, then you've covered the cost of her having to provide dessert for the party.