To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

This
Your child ruined the planned dessert so you’re paying for the replacement of that dessert not the cake. I don’t think she’s wrong to expect you to pay - why should be out of pocket £110 because of
your child? It’s unfortunate and wasn’t intentional but still had a financial cost that is yours and not hers.

What were the other parents at the party doing, that's what I want to know?

Their kids have just been treated to a lovely party, an unfortunate incident happens which really doesn't sound like either OP or the party mum's fault, why didn't they have the decency to say "oh don't worry, we'll buy our DC dessert and get an extra-special one for the birthday girl"?

The real cost of replacement was the scramble for the new desserts. Buying a new cake another day would have been pointless. The host had to go with what was available quickly. She didn’t have the opportunity to shop for the best deal.

the host did the right thing to mitigate the damage and I don’t understand why you don’t see that as the cost of replacement.

Probably best for the future to go outside to meet the carer and wait for your daughter to be brought out to you at the end of the party. Then your DS won't be overstimulated and won't have a chance to ruin a cake/other similar.
I feel sorry for the birthday girl and for your DD as I don't think she'll be invited again. How old is your DS?

Well, if you knew me you'd know I'm about the most resilient person on the planet and even I think it's just basic good manners that the OP covers all costs. Can you really not see that?

Until you’ve had a child that requires a carer I don’t think you can criticise OP for rushing off- if she was meant to stay and sort things, who would have looked after her son and consoling her daughter during that time?

If I was the birthday girl’s mum I’d have encouraged my child to see the funny side of it. We’d have stuck candles in the ruined cake anyway, sung happy birthday, and made sure everyone had a fun time. Children often react based on how their parents respond- so I try make the best of it so my kids can follow suit.

OPs child clearly didn’t do it on purpose - and OP can’t catch a break on this one. Birthday girls mum is fine to want to share the cost of the ruined cake, but £110 takes the piss

There was no malice in what the little boy did - overstimulated and these things happen

Nobody is saying there was, though, but that doesn't change the fact that his actions cost the other mum a lot of stress and money she hadn't anticipated.

It's not OP's fault as such, of course it's not, but it is her responsibility.

Just an unfortunate incident. You’ve done the right thing and although the mother should have just ordered cheap alternatives, I can see why in the mayhem, that didn’t happen.

Was the carer apologetic for letting go of your son? In the circumstances, and with his involvement, he should have hung around a bit longer, even if it was the end of his shift.

Well, to be fair, I don't think OP should pay for the original cake AND the ice cream. The mum should pay for the dessert as she intended to offer, and the OP for the extra costs.

But the cake was destroyed and nobody got any - why should she be left out of pocket for that?

People are talking as if the room was on fire and the party mum was forced to use the nearest extinguisher to save their lives. Kids crying for pudding and starving without cake!

I’m a stressy person, not organised or particularly calm, but I wouldn’t have panic- bought pricey ice creams to rescue the party from a supposed catastrophe. Say oh no, comfort the bday girl, reassure the poor mum of the high-needs child, put candles in the remains of the cake so they can still do the blowing-out, say sorry no cake to party kids, look at the ice creams and consider whether I wanted/could afford to get one of those each instead. If not, no big deal. These things happen, it was an accident.

The most upset person would be OP.

I think you are probably both in the wrong here, but she should not have allowed the children to choose expensive desserts.

I would price up the cheapest dessert at the location, multiply it by the number of children and give her that.

You can do it nicely, just say " when I said I would cover the cost, I actually meant of the cake but as you had to buy desserts, I'm happy to give you what it would have cost for the girls to all have a cheap dessert but I don't feel comfortable covering the costs of them choosing expensive desserts without that having been discussed with me first. I am really sorry that X damaged the cake, as you know he has additional needs and it was very unfortunate. I hope your daughter still managed to have a good time. See you soon"

Can you explain how I didn’t control my child, when I wasn’t even aware he was in the building until the very last moment? But anyway, as said previously, it is being paid

I don’t understand why people are saying the OP should only be replacing the cost of the cake. How much the cake cost is irrelevant, the cost of the replacement desserts is what needed paying and the mum didn’t really have much choice with a load of upset kids did she.

I feel for you OP. I think its fair you cover the cost of the replacement desserts, but if i were the party mum I'd have just ordered everyone a basic ice cream rather than allow kids to pick and the costs to rise

Not an ideal situation. I think you just need to pay. If it had happened the day before you could have replaced the cake but she had no choice but to pay for desserts at the final moment. Unlikely to happen again but unfair to expect her to pay. Sorry.

I’d pay it but I also wouldn’t ask if I was her. But then I’m a bit of a softy at times.

What? Because OP shouldn't pay damages for the cake and the full replacement. She should pay the extra costs.
The kids still ended up with dessert after all.

She’s not out of pocket. She paid for a pudding and the kids got puddings. Much more expensive ones than she paid for, if she does manage to get OP to fund her.

I can see from both sides. I can’t take both DC out alone either due to DS needs.

If I was the birthday mum I’d not have bought expensive replacements. I’d get cheap ones or taken the “oh dear, sorry there no pudding unfortunately” stance.

As the OP I’d be happy to pay for cake which was ruined but I’d not have been thrilled to pay for expensive replacements, as that wasn’t necessary, it was optional.

As previously said, he was suppose to meet me in the car park. The carer came to find me. A conversation around why this definitely doesn’t work is between me and the carer but as I’ve said, wasn’t the plan

YABU. Expecting to cover the cost of the cake is no use, how was she supposed to get a new cake there and then? If your intention was to pay for the cake only you should’ve offered to have gone and got a replacement. Not fucking off and leaving the mum to deal with it.
I’d be livid if I was the mum.

Agreed. Presumably your DD will carry on attending the activity.

You made it right for her and distressing though the whole thing was for you and your family, you've sorted it.. and made things a bit easier for your DD, who could have been unfairly impacted, which in turn could have caused resentment.

So the mum should have sucked up the cost of £30 on a cake nobody got to eat or enjoy? Why? She shouldn't be left having to pay £30 for nothing.

OP has done exactly the right thing - covered the cost of the destroyed dessert and paid for replacements for everyone at the party.

Not demanding large amounts of money for luxuries from the parent of a disabled child doesn’t make you a softy.