To think this daily essential should come out of joint money?

[Tropicalturnip]

Very trivial really but I need a vent as I surely don't think I WU!

Stocked up on deodorant the other day as the one I usually get is on offer. Also bought a fairly basic £7 face moisturiser because mine ran out ages ago and I've just been using the kids body lotion.

Anyway, DH checked the receipt today as it seemed an expensive shop and was peeved I'd spent on "a few personal items!" (For context it came to £19 and the shop was just short of £60).

We have separate accounts and a joint account for bills, kids, shopping and joint expenses. Our own spend comes from our own account, but we both tend to spend on the kids or the odd thing jointly from our own accounts from time to time too.

I have always included basic essentials including all toiletries on the big shop, never been an issue.

DH buys his deodorant from an independent shop online that is quite expensive but pays out of his personal account. Also money is a historical point of contention because he contributes more due to being the higher earner, so I think this has riled me up way more than it should!!

IABU pay for your own deo and moisturiser
IANBU it's a basic essential and should be included in the normal supermarket shopping

I do not know how anyone can live like this.

It depends on what was previously agreed doesn't it?

I can’t imagine needing an agreement on deodorant purchases

I could simply not imaging dp going through a shopping receipt to see what I spent money on. Or for me to check what he spent money on.

Are you on a very tight budget where every penny needs to be monitored?

Jeez, this degree of nitpicking is horrible. Tell DH he can switch to Sure deodorant and have it included in the family shop if he likes.

Even if this is the case, don’t we all need deodorant?

I do not know how anyone can live like this.
Neither do I.
I remember a bloke at work complaining his wife had bought a couple of cans of cat food while she was on Tesco. It was her cat and he wanted the money back.
I couldn't see him in the same light after that.
I'm used to an over generous husband who makes sure me and the kids have everything we need.
Tightness is a horrible trait.

Nor me. I am always baffled by the level of selfishness in some ‘partnerships’.

And as often the case with these threads, this is not about the Iranian yoghurt deodorant.

About who pays for a deodorant? In a marriage, with kids? Seriously?

I'd agree that basic essentials should come out the joint account but I wouldn't consider £7 moisturiser a basic essential personally.

OP, this isn't normal, and you know it. Not sure what else to suggest.

Sorry OP - I accidentally voted YABU - YADNBU! Such meanness is soul destroying and very very unattractive.

I buy my personal items such as deordorant, shampoo etc out of my own money.

That said, my partner would have no issue if for some reason I bought it out of the joint account... He'd at most ask me if my money was okay and if I needed anything else or for him to give me any money for my personal stuff, again that's at most. He buys my personal items for me often out of his own money, if he's at the shops and I've said I need some. I do the same for him. It's not even an issue.

So I get paying for it out of your own money, but your partner seems a bit picky and stingy with you. You're supposed to be a team.

Yanbu. A £7 moisturiser isn't a splurge, it's a basic item.
Checking the receipt sounds like the thin end of the wedge.

I've voted YABU, as it seems that you have agreed on personal spending from personal money.

However, that is not how my marriage works, as all is shared. My husband never questions what I spend on myself, despite him being the only earner for most of our marriage.

Just go back and click the correct button and it will change

He is generally pretty easy going about money in one sense, for example he tends to pay for family meals out, holidays he will often put in more (on top of what we pay out of joint money), however he always keeps an eye on the bank account, and this is the first time he's gone through a bloody Tesco receipt. He said he wondered what was on it as it seemed expensive for what food I'd come home with.

We've had a lot of discussions about having a family pot because I'm not happy with the set up, but it's never come to fruition. That's probably the underlying issue! I work part time and do all childcare while he works away.

Time to make a change!

This doesn't sound much like a partnership. What would happen if you lost your job, would you be expected to never wash again as it is a personal luxury? Does he do 50/50 with the kids and housework? Did he take SPL?

Yes I remember the last time my husband checked the receipt and quibbled about anything. Except he’s not a tight get.

I would think moisturiser would come out of personal spends.

I cannot imagine having to account for buying toiletries to my husband. Separately accounts is fine if that works for you but the set up sounds far too rigid.

Would you class deodorant and moisturiser as personal spend though? I genuinely never have because I see this as a basic life necessity, toiletries have usually always come out the big shop.
I can see where he feels differently as he doesn't use face cream but I see it as a basic necessity.

If he got his own deodorant from the supermarket I wouldn't bat an eyelid. I've suggested he takes his next deodorant shop out of the joint account 😂

If £60 is seen as an experience shop then maybe he’s penny pinching for a reason.

How do people live like this?