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Original poster

Is it unreasonable to bribe my son to watch the show ' adolescence '

246 replies

atmywitsend1989 · 14/03/2025 23:04

Posted here recently but thought I would get input on a different issue.. My son is 16. He has made misogynistic comments before. I've given him tough love (yes.. I've also tried gentle parenting) and have consistently shut down his comments before. He has a teenaged sister and I really don't want her to feel disrespected.

He's been in therapy- the attitude hasn't changed. I binge-watched 'adolescence' yesterday and I'm hooked, it really opened my eyes. I want to rewatch it with him.. Tate and these influencers are ruining young men. They should show this to young boys in schools, but son hasn't been in education for a while.

Am I being unreasonable if I insist that he should watch it ? He doesn't live at home so I was thinking that I could offer him a day back if he watches this + speaks to his therapist again this week.

My only concern is that he's been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder and claims to have obsessive thoughts. I don't want him to believe that he'll end up doing what the boy in the TV show has done but his comments and attitude really are unacceptable

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/03/2025 23:06

I think you need to explain the back story. Making your son win a day at home seems off.

Middleagedstriker · 14/03/2025 23:06

Personally I wouldn't as it might put ideas in his head. Especially if he doesn't live with you. That's pretty unusual at 16 so imagine other stuff is going on.

Diningtableornot · 14/03/2025 23:08

I'm not following you, OP. What does offering DS a day back mean? How can you tell him what to do if he's left home?

soupyspoon · 14/03/2025 23:10

Is he in care or lives with a family member?

I thought you might bribe with a pizza night or something. Not bribing with your love and attention.

Perhaps its not Andrew Tate that ruins young men as such all the time?

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 14/03/2025 23:14

Similar to PP I don't know what a day back means... Time with you should never be a reward.

But if you really want him to see it then I would be watching the show WITH him.
You can't guarantee he would watch it alone and not lie about it.

It is worrying that he is so badly misogynistic. Does he have any positive mrn in his life?

Doublevodka · 14/03/2025 23:16

I’ve just binged watched this tonight and I can honestly say it’s possibly the most powerful and harrowing thing I’ve watched. It was a real eye opener. My son is 17 and I’m going to ask him to watch it. He can be cocky and full of himself, and sometimes I feel he can be disrespectful, but he doesn’t have OCD or any other mental health issues. I’m hoping it will make him more aware of how toxic all the online misogynistic shite is.

Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 14/03/2025 23:24

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/03/2025 23:06

I think you need to explain the back story. Making your son win a day at home seems off.

He's in an apartment by himself temporarily with two carers (he has no disabilities... he really doesn't need it). He's begging to come home but has a history of physical and verbal abuse towards me.. I've not seen him act this way directly towards other women but he has talked negatively about women to me and he seems to think that professionals are on my side by default when they hear his story because I'm a single mum... Which just isn't true.

I paid for faith-based counselling for him when he revealed something to me. There was a period where we fought about it a lot and I was really struggling with him. We then switched to general mental health counselling. I couldn't keep up with the costs of private therapy but he was referred to camhs and is being actively seen by them. No improvement.

My exhusband is abroad and not in the picture. He was physically abusive towards me which makes me wonder if son has learned the misogyny from him.. but he insists that he doesn't want to live with his father

OP posts:
Pieceofpurplesky · 14/03/2025 23:27

Adolescence is desperately sad from all angles. Not a learning tool though, some Tate fans would see it as a reason to see their beliefs as correct.

Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 14/03/2025 23:31

Pieceofpurplesky · 14/03/2025 23:27

Adolescence is desperately sad from all angles. Not a learning tool though, some Tate fans would see it as a reason to see their beliefs as correct.

He has watched Tate's content in the past. I don't know what he thinks of it but that itself seems like a red flag 😬 Some of his language lingo also resembles the phrases that those influences use

OP posts:
Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 14/03/2025 23:45

Diningtableornot · 14/03/2025 23:08

I'm not following you, OP. What does offering DS a day back mean? How can you tell him what to do if he's left home?

He's currently not at home but good point.. I wouldn't know if he's watched it by himself or not.

OP posts:
Mobe · 14/03/2025 23:48

I don't think it's as simple as a young man watching it and having a lightbulb moment.

In the show the boy doesn't acknowledge his own misogyny. Actually he has crushingly low self esteem, and part of his anger is the need to be liked and wanted by women and yet being rejected or invalidated. He can't imagine though having a female friend who you can talk to, his mum is reduced to provider of roast dinners.
One of my reflections on how I would try to guide my son through this time was to try to boost his confidence in his own skills, abilities, and qualities so that he had a secure sense of self worth. Another was that both husband and I work part time and probably will stay that way as they are teenagers, as the 'important' chats aren't ones you sit them down for, they are the organic ones that happen as you decide to go get a maccys on a weeknight.
Obviously your situation sounds very specific, but I just wondered if it would be more helpful to try to get some therapeutic support to repair the relationship between you?

Chungai · 14/03/2025 23:48

What did he reveal to you? Why did you opt for faith based counseling?

I'm not sure the show would resonate with him in a meaningful way if years of therapy hasn't.

Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 14/03/2025 23:49

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 14/03/2025 23:14

Similar to PP I don't know what a day back means... Time with you should never be a reward.

But if you really want him to see it then I would be watching the show WITH him.
You can't guarantee he would watch it alone and not lie about it.

It is worrying that he is so badly misogynistic. Does he have any positive mrn in his life?

Good point, I really wouldn't know if he'd have watched it or not. I think it'd be worth asking him to come and watch it with me instead.

In terms of males in his life.. His uncles were in his life up until he was 12. My younger brother is a hardworking man and a good example of healthy masculinity IMO.. but my older brother has had aggression issues himself since he was a teen. He tried to physically assault son when he said something that the family didn't agree with (yes I'm also no longer in regular contact with my brother..).

OP posts:
Odras · 14/03/2025 23:51

atmywitsend1989 · 14/03/2025 23:24

He's in an apartment by himself temporarily with two carers (he has no disabilities... he really doesn't need it). He's begging to come home but has a history of physical and verbal abuse towards me.. I've not seen him act this way directly towards other women but he has talked negatively about women to me and he seems to think that professionals are on my side by default when they hear his story because I'm a single mum... Which just isn't true.

I paid for faith-based counselling for him when he revealed something to me. There was a period where we fought about it a lot and I was really struggling with him. We then switched to general mental health counselling. I couldn't keep up with the costs of private therapy but he was referred to camhs and is being actively seen by them. No improvement.

My exhusband is abroad and not in the picture. He was physically abusive towards me which makes me wonder if son has learned the misogyny from him.. but he insists that he doesn't want to live with his father

Edited
Show quote history

It sounds like a very difficult situation and I’m sorry you are experiencing this. It’s a very different situation to the show which is about a boy who grows up in a loving home. Your son sounds like he had a difficult experience growing up and it is unlikely to speak to him at all.

I certainly wouldn’t bribe him with a day at home. Home should be our safe place. I thought this post was going to be about bribing a young teen with a takeaway. How does he have carers if he “doesn’t need them” who pays for that ?

Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 14/03/2025 23:52

Chungai · 14/03/2025 23:48

What did he reveal to you? Why did you opt for faith based counseling?

I'm not sure the show would resonate with him in a meaningful way if years of therapy hasn't.

At the time he told me he was bi sexual. I do regret looking for faith based counselling for him at first but we changed therapists once his behaviour hadn't improved but that still did absolutely nothing.. to clarify I'm talking about his rotten attitude and not his sexual identity.

OP posts:
Agapornis · 14/03/2025 23:58

Was the faith based counselling actually conversion therapy to 'make' him not bi? 😬 If so, no wonder it didn't work and he still feels shit.

I'm bi, I've never needed therapy for it.

Odras · 14/03/2025 23:59

Why did you seek faith based therapy after him telling you about bisexuality? Was this related to his poor behaviour towards you?

It sounds like a terribly complicated situation. It sounds like you desperately want to help him but I definitely don’t think watching the show is going to help.

Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 15/03/2025 00:12

Odras · 14/03/2025 23:59

Why did you seek faith based therapy after him telling you about bisexuality? Was this related to his poor behaviour towards you?

It sounds like a terribly complicated situation. It sounds like you desperately want to help him but I definitely don’t think watching the show is going to help.

My reaction to his confession wasn't great and ended in yelling.. I've apologised for that. Before he went completely ballistic and violent but after this had happened, he had a period of depression and I wanted him to recieve counselling in the community for it.

OP posts:
PinkArt · 15/03/2025 00:16

It wasn't a confession. You confess to something wrong, which obviously being bi isn't.
Honestly it sounds like there is far more in play here than one programme could begin to fix.

BlondiePortz · 15/03/2025 00:22

So you want to to control him so he thinks the way you have decided he has too? I can't see how this will end well

KrisAkabusi · 15/03/2025 00:24

Are his 'carers' mental health professionals? Or are they also from this church or community? Because this is sounding very, very strange now.

ClairDeLaLune · 15/03/2025 00:25

You yelled at him for being bi? And you’re now trying to force him to watch something by bribing him with your attention? Think you need to take a bit of a look at your parenting of him OP.

NewMagicWand · 15/03/2025 00:27

It's not up to you what he watches.

Do you often feel like you should be making these decisions in his life? To the point you start considering ways to manipulate him into agreeing with you?

Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 15/03/2025 00:29

KrisAkabusi · 15/03/2025 00:24

Are his 'carers' mental health professionals? Or are they also from this church or community? Because this is sounding very, very strange now.

We're not christian.. Social services have placed him there temporarily.

OP posts:
Bleeky · 15/03/2025 00:30

Pieceofpurplesky · 14/03/2025 23:27

Adolescence is desperately sad from all angles. Not a learning tool though, some Tate fans would see it as a reason to see their beliefs as correct.

Agree may not be messaging for kids that you expect … especially last episode - was really the parents struggle (strangely less for the unemotional sister {with posh accent} ), think parents struggle would be lost on a teen. Parents seemed to not have depth, and live a working class cliche.

Film messaging serms to be pointing out how “lost & clueless the adults are”

Episode with psych was intense. But again I think teens would just think “Jamie is a nutter”

Just don’t think this would be effective message to a teen … I have several but just don’t think so.

Victim very very “lost” and not present af all. We don’t get any view of her, not much flattering anyway. She wasn’t so much bullying, as reacting to boys treating her badly after she trusted wrong person. The Jamie being bullied didn’t ring true … he wasn’t bullied as hard as detectives son.

The murder horrific and pointless.