Is it unreasonable to bribe my son to watch the show ' adolescence '

[atmywitsend1989]

Posted here recently but thought I would get input on a different issue.. My son is 16. He has made misogynistic comments before. I've given him tough love (yes.. I've also tried gentle parenting) and have consistently shut down his comments before. He has a teenaged sister and I really don't want her to feel disrespected.

He's been in therapy- the attitude hasn't changed. I binge-watched 'adolescence' yesterday and I'm hooked, it really opened my eyes. I want to rewatch it with him.. Tate and these influencers are ruining young men. They should show this to young boys in schools, but son hasn't been in education for a while.

Am I being unreasonable if I insist that he should watch it ? He doesn't live at home so I was thinking that I could offer him a day back if he watches this + speaks to his therapist again this week.

My only concern is that he's been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder and claims to have obsessive thoughts. I don't want him to believe that he'll end up doing what the boy in the TV show has done but his comments and attitude really are unacceptable

What was the faith-based therapy for? Was it some sort of "conversion" therapy?

Why are you so confident that a) yelling at your son when he “confesses” that he’s bisexual, b) making your child attend conversion therapy and c) subsequently bringing up his sexuality during arguments doesn’t warrant him abusing you? Actually, I think it does.

Out of interest, what warranted you, an adult with a fully formed brain, abusing your son? Because all of the above amounts to abuse.

What was the faith-based therapy for? Was it some sort of "conversion" therapy?

It would have been so he could get the memo that he was an abomination, and that it wasn’t only the mum who thought this but everyone else including God. So, he then see’s himself as an abomination and acts that way. It’s completely fucked up behaviour on both the part of the parent and whatever ‘faith’ that offered this ‘therapy’.

You need to focus on improving the attachment with your son. You've acted in a horribly shaming way towards his sexuality, and he is living away from family. He must be so lonely and feeling rejected.

If it was me I'd honestly not enter into arguments about his Tate-like views. You need to massively repair your relationship first. Curiously question when he says sexist things, show him you respect him and actually like who he is.

YABU to think watching a TV show will cure all of the deep rooted problems your son has. The idea that would want to bribe him to get a day at home with this is utterly crazy.

I was wondering this. I can't think of many faiths that offer therapy and support being bi .

Oh God OP, seriously? You got faith based counselling because he's bisexual? This is so desperately sad. That can destroy a teen boy. You need to tell him you love him, respect and value who he is, and completely accept that he is bisexual. Which is normal, and natural.

If he trusted you enough to tell you he is bisexual and then you rejected him to such an extreme that he got 'faith based counselling' then I think there's your real problem. He must feel so isolated and unhappy.

This...
Home life also has a real hand in forming a young man. {Or woman}

This is result difficult. But watching that show will do I good. He will have already read and seen worse online.

He's 16 and has been rejected by his family. He has no clear disagnosose so his behaviours are seemingly based on train response and poor mental health.

But as a 26yr old he poses a physical threat to you, so it's not easy to bring him home.

I think you two. And his social worked need to create an effective joint plan for how he can return home. What behaviours they need to see and align that with therapy.

Otherwise, he is at major risk of self destructing behaviour as he continues. And no education to prepare him as an adult.

Something doesn't seem right with all the info you are providing, but only your son knows the truth about what has happened to him to cause this.

Yes I agree that it's based on poor mental health.. he has no disabilities and no excuses as he could be a threat at this point. I've made a list on what it would take to have him back home longterm but it really would need him to be willing to put the effort in to change his mindset and behaviour. He does want to go home but doesn't want the responsibility that comes with it

Why don't you approve of medication? OCD can be very hard to treat with therapy alone (and therapy for OCD usually would be CBT based)

From your posts him abusing you actually just seems like him mirroring your behaviour towards him.

It doesn’t excuse it but it does explain it, there’s a difference which is significant.

So I just read all the thread and your comments OP, and you sound like an abusive parent, but you don't realise it as you believe in a faith that abused bisexuals, so you feel justified.

You're now trying to blame Andrew Tate, you're trying to force the idea your son is autistic, you're making him go to counselling, you're forcing him to live outside the home when he's your child, all in a heavy show that makes clear you're telling him HES the problem. Thus is terrible behaviour on your part

YOU are the problem. You're abusive.

The thing that breaks my heart is that even with all this abuse from you, his mum, he STILL wants to come home. And meanwhile, you're here slagging him off and saying he has to be forced to watch some bloody show.

Your religion is abusive to bisexuals and you are enabling the abuse, and it's destroying the child you're meant to protect, there you go.

It's a Netflix series not therapy.

I admit that I've brought up his sexuality a few times recently in heated moments but I take accountability while he doesn't

Accountability for his sexuality? Something you referred to as a ‘confession’ earlier?

There is some very troubling views from you being shown here, among a very complicated and damaging situation.

Reminds self to watch adolescence, I do like Stephen Graham.

I’m interested to know why social services have apparently placed a 16 year old with no disabilities in some sort of supported living with carers?

I've made a list on what it would take to have him back home longterm but it really would need him to be willing to put the effort in to change his mindset and behaviour. He does want to go home but doesn't want the responsibility that comes with it

Have you done the same list for yourself? How will you be addressing your mindset and behaviour so that you are not failing your son?

What about YOUR mindset and YOUR behaviour?

You are minimizing your part in this ‘I’ve said sorry so he needs to move on’, but then you’ve brought up his sexuality a few times recently. This stuff sticks. Read about ACES, reflect on your own part in these and mostly, put yourself in his shoes. His poor mental health is a result of his experiences, some of which you were a driving force.

Your son needs boundaries for sure but he also needs loves and acceptance for who he is.

Netflix's Adolescence isn't based on a single real-life case, the series was inspired by the growing knife-crime epidemic in the U.K.

A story written by …. Writers who write movies and tv series

A 13-year-old school boy named Jamie Miller gets arrested for the murder of a classmate, with each episode shot in one take.

Fiction.

I feel so sad reading this. Your son is a child. I've worked with boys like your son - their parents having written them off. Could you see your son's behaviour as being the result of feeling hugely rejected?

My aunt lives with her son who she has had to call the police on. She gave up her career as a lawyer. It's been 10 years and he is finally starting to seem more functional.

I doubt very much your son is going to have a lightbulb moment from watching a tv show.

The damage that has been done to him is actually heartbreaking. I’m really hoping this turns out to be made up because its awful to think of a vulnerable child coming out to their mum (or dad) and it being treated like a “confession”, getting yelled at and made to go to faith based counselling which frankly sounds sinister in those circumstances.

You don’t deserve abuse from your son. But he doesn’t deserve abuse either and any anger or resentment he feels is justified imo. He's been through a lot by the sound of it and it’s going to leave a mark. It’s also worth thinking about the fact that you have been/are being quite abusive yourself: you know he wants to come home but you’re prepared to blackmail him into watching a tv show by offering some time at home if he does what you want him to do.

I wonder which show we should recommend to OP so she can educate herself on how to raise children in a loving, respectful way.

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