Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

[Jimisnotmyname]

DC is seriously ill and inpatient in hospital. Expected to be in for several months. I have been asked by the hospital to be on side to help with various aspects of their care. In theory, I could take my notebook in and work from the ward (and do some catch up at night from home) but I am not coping. I am falling apart and not coping with anything. Would I be unreasonable to take sick leave? We get 6 months on full pay. I have been with my employer for over a decade and only was once off sick for a month (after major surgery). It would mean my colleague's holiday will have to be cancelled and I would let a lot of people down in my department and I feel hugely guilty about that. But I don't know what else to do. I know the decent thing would be to resign but I need the sick pay to cover bills. Please be honest.

yabu - suck it up and carry on working or resign.
yanbu - get signed off

A seriously ill child = a crappy situation.

Empathy fail!

A crappy situation is your car failing its MOT and you can’t afford to fix it.

Why are all the people that are against OP taking sick leave, when she’s sick from MH issues using such demeaning terms?

seriously ill child - crappy situation

Another poster (not sure if it was you), described the child as poorly, like they had a cold!

I haven't read the whole thread but I have a bit of life experience to offer, as I'm old. Throughout my life I've been in situations where I've prioritised work over DC. Now I can barely remember the colleagues or work situations involved where I felt I couldn't let people down. I do however wish I'd been there for my child. If you're not coping you aren't fit for work. Take the time off sick it's up to the company to sort out cover.

A GP can prescribe medication, or may think it’s more appropriate to remove additional stress on OP, by signing her off work.

I think in this situation it is fine and perfectly acceptable to take sick leave to be there for your child.
Yes, I would be hugely annoyed if I were the colleague missing out on approved holiday (unless I had nothing planned and was happy to swap things around), but that isn’t your problem, I’d be annoyed at my employer, not you. Is there any way you I’d be able to go back just for the week of your colleagues AL?

Seperate to the work issue, is there anyone else who can support DC in hospital to give you a bit of a break? Their Dad, grandparents etc? Being in hospital all day every day for months is very tough on you, and you need some time to look after your own needs 'you can't pour from an empty glass' kind of thing.

It sound's like your child has pre existing complex needs as already on DLA? The reality is you probably know more about their day to day care needs than the nurses, that is why they are keen to have you there, but you also need a break.

Definitely take a bit of time off, otherwise you might burn out. If I was your colleague yes I would be annoyed, but with the situation, not with you personally. Sometimes things can't be helped.

My child has recently been diagnosed with a complex medical condition, not in hospital, but loads of hospital appointments so have been off quite a bit, and my colleagues have been super helpful covering my work between them, there is no resentment (that I'm aware of) just concern. I got them all little gifts to say thanks, maybe you could get a token gift for your colleague to thank her for helping cover your work, gestures like this go a long way.

Have you read the OP?

She’s stated how she’s not well.

OP sorry to be morbid but if you were hit by a bus this morning and died they would replace you without blinking. Your job advert would be live in no time and no one would give a shit that you worked evenings while your child was ill in hospital for weeks/months at a time.

It is your manager's responsibility to ensure there is cover if you're off sick and your colleague is on holiday. Do not let them try to shove that responsibility on to you. It isn't a problem for you to solve.

Get signed off sick with stress or whatever and look after yourself and your family first. This is what matters.

You have so much on your plate it's not surprising you are struggling. Be kind to yourself. Unfortunately this is one situation where you have to put yourself and your family first.
Sick leave (paid) is there for a reason (to keep employees). You have been at the same company for 10 years and have said you have an exemplary sick record.
Get to your GP and talk about your stress - get them to sign you off for as long as necessary.

Covering your colleagues annual leave is not your problem.

She takes sick leave. It’s stress related. OP says she is falling apart. That’s what sick leave is for.

Love from HR

Your colleagues holiday won’t be cancelled, it’s up to everyone else to pitch in, or get temporary staff in

if you need to be with your husband though is it sickness or can you look at taking extended leave?

Another GP who has done the same although I see this "they're not sick" argument brought up on some GP forums. Dealing with something life changing like this really affects you.

OP get signed off with stress if you are stressed, it is not your job to arrange your own sick cover, that is your employers. It is your employer who should feel guilty if they cannot cover emergencies and therefore make their staff's lives difficult, not you. Xx Take care.

@Jimisnotmyname OP, your child is infinitely more important than your work right now.

Personally, I'd go to the doctors and ask them to sign you off with stress for 2 weeks. Because, quite frankly you are stressed.

You can then use that time to be with your child guilt free, and take stock of next steps. You might need to extend it at the end of 2 weeks, or feel like you've got plan B set up. Either way it will give you some breathing room

The fact that you are worrying about a colleague’s possible feelings about possibly having to postpone a holiday in this situation is itself proof that you are not coping and need time off.

That is not even close to rational.

You have a seriously ill and suicidal child in hospital and you are feeling like maybe you should work in the hospital so that your colleague doesn’t resent you.

You need sick leave. No one will be helped by you having a breakdown.

Prioritize your child, your wellbeing, the rest of your family. Your employer’s understaffing is not your problem.

100%

I’d take the time off.

I honestly can’t see your employer cancelling your colleagues annual leave, this would set a really bad tone amongst employees. If they do, it’s for your colleague to fight them on. What would have happened if this happened next month and your colleague was abroad on holiday and say for eg you ended up hospitalised yourself? Would work drag one of you in? I doubt it.

Speak to them. Maybe you could take time off but be flexible enough to cover the holiday?

I wouldn’t think you were being unreasonable if I was your colleague

This is why managers should plan holiday so that there is still enough cover should someone be off sick at the same time as holiday. They usually have rules like only 2 off at the same time for this reason.

Its down to them to sort cover and a good manager would. I’m not sure what type of place you work in but we have had to have help from other teams before for similar situations to help cover work.

Agree. I would be looking for a job elsewhere if I were the colleague. Shitty management.

Presumably if you resigned your colleague would have to cancel their holiday anyway. When is the holiday? If it is next week, I would hang on in there for a week, then go on sick leave. If it is in a month, go on sick live now. Things might have improved in a month's tie - enough for you to go back at least for the duration of the holiday.

Fuck what people think. You need to do what you have to, literally to stay afloat in this type of situation. Take care of yourself and your child.

100% agree - removing any additional stress is very appropriate treatment

Sorry, meant in 'MY' prayers

This isn't your issue.

Take the time off sick. You'll be personally screwed otherwise.
Always protect yourself and your kids first. Then worry about other people. If you resign you're suddenly personally responsible for everything and 'doing the right thing for colleagues ' will get you nothing fast. You have more rights if you get signed off sick. You'll have none of you resign.

I hope everything works out ok for you.

I agree with the GP upthread that you sound too unwell to do your job properly. It's conceivable that your colleague will resent you, but that doesn't actually make you fit to work. You can't wave a magic wand and opt out of the ill effects on your own mental health.