Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

[Jimisnotmyname]

DC is seriously ill and inpatient in hospital. Expected to be in for several months. I have been asked by the hospital to be on side to help with various aspects of their care. In theory, I could take my notebook in and work from the ward (and do some catch up at night from home) but I am not coping. I am falling apart and not coping with anything. Would I be unreasonable to take sick leave? We get 6 months on full pay. I have been with my employer for over a decade and only was once off sick for a month (after major surgery). It would mean my colleague's holiday will have to be cancelled and I would let a lot of people down in my department and I feel hugely guilty about that. But I don't know what else to do. I know the decent thing would be to resign but I need the sick pay to cover bills. Please be honest.

yabu - suck it up and carry on working or resign.
yanbu - get signed off

Get signed off.

Surely there’s a way around cancelling your colleagues holiday. I’m sorry to hear about your DC, I hope that things improve very soon.

The person who’s holiday would be cancelled and loose out on what they have paid would be very mad I’d expect. Not exactly your fault but not really fair either the company should sort cover.

Very sorry your daughter is unwell. Yes, take the time off sick. Covering the work is for managers to organise.

Explain the situation and that you need to take sick time, but say that you can go back to cover colleagues holiday temporarily?

the sick leave would need to be for mental health reasons, not the practicalities of being there for your DC

Prioritise your DC 100% and get signed off. Your colleague’s holiday is not your issue to figure out or worry about.

@Dealormeal she needs to be paid and not everyone gets paid parental leave, it’s unpaid where I work.

Absolutely agree. Ensuring a colleague's holiday is covered (and your workload too) is not your responsibility, it's managements. Definitely take SL.

When my son was diagnosed with a life long condition I had to take time off to learn how to deal with it. My doctor signed me off with stress for a month, and my employer was fully supportive of that. It WAS a very stressful situation. Stress doesn’t just apply to work related stress.

Get signed off and be there for your son.

When is your colleagues annual leave?

The practicalities of what the hospital want in terms you helping out with care is neither here nor there. Even if they had 7 nurses solely caring for your child and you did nothing but sit there I’d be getting signed off. Your child is sick. Be there for them. Be kind to yourself. Don’t burn yourself out trying to juggle right now

If I was your colleague I'd understand.

I really hope your son responds well to treatment.

You’re not sick, this is what parental leave should cover.

Parental leave us 4 weeks and unpaid. I cannot afford that. Yes, work is aware of the whole situation.

Why is that relevant?

@Dealormeal NHS hospital have often have staff storages. This is very standard now even ten years ago I was at the hospital 3 hs a day having to give personal care to my grandmother. Noone would even check if she had eaten. My last hospital visit for birth which was mixed with a non pregnancy problem. Nurses refused to help me with any personal care beyond pain killers so I could move.

No, I wouldn't resent you. I'd do exactly the same in your situation. Not sure what else you could do really.

If I was colleague, I would resent my shitty employer that didnt have a contingency plan in place to cover annual leave that I had booked. There is always a chance of staff going off sick/leaving the job and the employer has a responsibility to ensure they can manage this.

I am not sleeping, not eating. I lost half a stone, I am on edge. I wouldn't say I am fine. People go off with stress for far less but thank you. I worry about what people think and this is probably the perception at work. It's not what I wanted to hear but helpful.

but I am not coping. I am falling apart and not coping with anything.

Yes it sounds like OP actually is. You can take time off for mental health just the same as you would physical sickness.

It isn't helpful OP, don't be misled. Look after yourself and put yourself and your family first. You can't pour from an empty cup.

You are going through a very stressful period and would be unable to focus at work therefore you are sick, I say this as someone who did work from their child's hospital bed which didn't work out well for anyone.

Take it fit note by fit note and see how things go

If I was colleague, I would resent my shitty employer that didnt have a contingency plan in place to cover annual leave that I had booked.

Agree.

Get signed off. It sounds like you're not managing and your child needs you.

If I was your colleague and I had to cancel my holiday I would be mad, but not at you - at a manager. They can't insist people cancel holidays like that and they need better contingency plans. If you're off long term then they can't just not let people take any holiday until you're back.

Op of you were my colleague, even with the AL booked I'd be telling you to take sick leave.

Your colleagues will understand.